How to Support a Family with an Autistic Child
Run errands and help out where needed., Help the parents make time for a "date night.", Spend time with the parents., Share quality information with the parents., Offer hope.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Run errands and help out where needed.
Particularly if you live in a relatively rural area, support services for the family may be limited or non-existent.
However, the parents may be reluctant to ask you for help, because they don't want to be a burden or overwhelm you.Keep this in mind if you ask the parents what you can do to help, they may say you don't need to do anything or that they're doing just fine.
They may be refusing your help out of a sense of politeness or pride.
Sometimes if you want to help you need to be willing to just jump in and help.
For example, if you go over to their house and see dishes in the sink, just start doing the dishes—don't wait to be asked.
If the parents protest or insist that they don't need your help, tell them that it pleases you to be of assistance and it's something that you want to do.
Parents also may appreciate if you go along to doctor's appointments or other meetings and take notes for them so they can concentrate on what's being said and ask questions if necessary.
Offer to do the legwork for parents by researching various organizations, therapies, or programs in which they express interest.
Report back on whether you think the child would benefit. -
Step 2: Help the parents make time for a "date night."
Parents seldom have the opportunity to take time just for themselves, to do the things they enjoy and reconnect as a couple.
This can be even more true for parents with an autistic child, particularly if support services are limited.Mention to the parents that you would be happy to take care of their child while they go out and spend some time with each other.
Include the autistic child in the plans, and make sure they understand that their parents aren't leaving them, and that just because their parents want to spend time alone doesn't mean the child is a problem or they are upset.
Explain that they just want one-on-one time (just like how the child might want alone time or one-on-one time sometimes).
The parents may not trust just anyone to babysit their autistic child.
If you have sensitivity and understanding, they may feel comfortable leaving their autistic child with you.
Spending time interacting with the child when a parent is present will enable everyone involved feel more comfortable.
Spending time alone will allow the parents to reconnect and recharge.
It also gives you the opportunity to get to know the child a little better. , Take time to listen to the parents, and make yourself available as a sounding board so they can talk through their challenges and figure out what to do.
Offer a compassionate ear to help them realize that it will be okay., There is a significant amount of inaccurate or even dehumanizing information about autism online.
You can reduce the parents' stress by filtering out the disaster rhetoric and finding materials that are actually useful.Keep in mind that it is only appropriate to share this information with the parents if they are receptive.
You should not be pushy or come across as if you know more or better than they do.
Prioritize material from organizations in which autistic people have a clear, strong voice and are included in a significant portion of the leadership roles.
Groups that autistic people protest and consider harmful, such as Autism Speaks, are almost always a bad source.Look for sources that focus on evidence-based therapies.
Avoid experimental therapies, or therapies that autistics warn may cause PTSD (e.g. compliance therapy and Lovaas ABA).Therapy does not need to be intense or extreme in order to ensure the child's happiness—in fact, overdoing therapy may lead to burnout or aggression. , It is important to be supportive by offering hope through positive communication and offering positive resources to the parents of an autistic child.Encourage them to check out hashtags such as #AskAnAutistic and #RedInstead to read from and interact with real autistic people.
Many autistic people are happy to offer emotional support and advice on helping autistic children.
Share articles and stories written by autistic people.
Autistic writers such as Amy Sequenzia, Jim Sinclair, and Cynthia Kim can offer perspective about autism and help the parents envision what the child will be like as an adult.
Lead them to a few autistic-run organizations, such as ASAN, the Autism Women's Network, and Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance.
These organizations provide productive guidelines and support with sensitivity.
Respond critically to negative rhetoric, while being supportive of parents’ fears.
For example, you might say “I understand why you’d be concerned about the divorce rates within families of autistic children.
I read that the high divorce rate was a myth,and most likely, you'll be okay.” Or, "Actually, I've heard that plenty of autistic children are good helpers within the family." Suggest spiritual guidance, such as meditation and prayer, if the parents seem open to this type of suggestion. -
Step 3: Spend time with the parents.
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Step 4: Share quality information with the parents.
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Step 5: Offer hope.
Detailed Guide
Particularly if you live in a relatively rural area, support services for the family may be limited or non-existent.
However, the parents may be reluctant to ask you for help, because they don't want to be a burden or overwhelm you.Keep this in mind if you ask the parents what you can do to help, they may say you don't need to do anything or that they're doing just fine.
They may be refusing your help out of a sense of politeness or pride.
Sometimes if you want to help you need to be willing to just jump in and help.
For example, if you go over to their house and see dishes in the sink, just start doing the dishes—don't wait to be asked.
If the parents protest or insist that they don't need your help, tell them that it pleases you to be of assistance and it's something that you want to do.
Parents also may appreciate if you go along to doctor's appointments or other meetings and take notes for them so they can concentrate on what's being said and ask questions if necessary.
Offer to do the legwork for parents by researching various organizations, therapies, or programs in which they express interest.
Report back on whether you think the child would benefit.
Parents seldom have the opportunity to take time just for themselves, to do the things they enjoy and reconnect as a couple.
This can be even more true for parents with an autistic child, particularly if support services are limited.Mention to the parents that you would be happy to take care of their child while they go out and spend some time with each other.
Include the autistic child in the plans, and make sure they understand that their parents aren't leaving them, and that just because their parents want to spend time alone doesn't mean the child is a problem or they are upset.
Explain that they just want one-on-one time (just like how the child might want alone time or one-on-one time sometimes).
The parents may not trust just anyone to babysit their autistic child.
If you have sensitivity and understanding, they may feel comfortable leaving their autistic child with you.
Spending time interacting with the child when a parent is present will enable everyone involved feel more comfortable.
Spending time alone will allow the parents to reconnect and recharge.
It also gives you the opportunity to get to know the child a little better. , Take time to listen to the parents, and make yourself available as a sounding board so they can talk through their challenges and figure out what to do.
Offer a compassionate ear to help them realize that it will be okay., There is a significant amount of inaccurate or even dehumanizing information about autism online.
You can reduce the parents' stress by filtering out the disaster rhetoric and finding materials that are actually useful.Keep in mind that it is only appropriate to share this information with the parents if they are receptive.
You should not be pushy or come across as if you know more or better than they do.
Prioritize material from organizations in which autistic people have a clear, strong voice and are included in a significant portion of the leadership roles.
Groups that autistic people protest and consider harmful, such as Autism Speaks, are almost always a bad source.Look for sources that focus on evidence-based therapies.
Avoid experimental therapies, or therapies that autistics warn may cause PTSD (e.g. compliance therapy and Lovaas ABA).Therapy does not need to be intense or extreme in order to ensure the child's happiness—in fact, overdoing therapy may lead to burnout or aggression. , It is important to be supportive by offering hope through positive communication and offering positive resources to the parents of an autistic child.Encourage them to check out hashtags such as #AskAnAutistic and #RedInstead to read from and interact with real autistic people.
Many autistic people are happy to offer emotional support and advice on helping autistic children.
Share articles and stories written by autistic people.
Autistic writers such as Amy Sequenzia, Jim Sinclair, and Cynthia Kim can offer perspective about autism and help the parents envision what the child will be like as an adult.
Lead them to a few autistic-run organizations, such as ASAN, the Autism Women's Network, and Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance.
These organizations provide productive guidelines and support with sensitivity.
Respond critically to negative rhetoric, while being supportive of parents’ fears.
For example, you might say “I understand why you’d be concerned about the divorce rates within families of autistic children.
I read that the high divorce rate was a myth,and most likely, you'll be okay.” Or, "Actually, I've heard that plenty of autistic children are good helpers within the family." Suggest spiritual guidance, such as meditation and prayer, if the parents seem open to this type of suggestion.
About the Author
Samuel Rogers
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow practical skills tutorials.
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