How to Talk to the Resistant Parent of a Gay Child

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Talk with them.

   Talking with the parents of a gay child has to be done very delicately to determine if they want to discuss the situation.
   
   Determine if the parents are even willing to have dialog.
   
   If they are not willing, then there is simply nothing that anyone can do.
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   Step 2: If the parents are willing

   Initially listen more than talk, and take notes.
   
   Regardless, the feelings of parents, no matter how logical, factually correct or "right" are still valid. ,, Information from accredited mainstream universities and professional organizations is objective.
   
   Information with a religious or political slant, agenda or affiliation is suspect.
   
   Any assertion that vilifies "secular" education and research is a form of extremism which asserts that their agenda-based research is somehow objective. , What are we trying to accomplish? If the objective is to make a gay child becomes heterosexual, then the parents can join the millions of other parents who how have taken the same misguided journey, only to create needless pain and suffering to themselves and others.
   
   The potential outcomes include intense psychological damage and often suicide.
   
   A human life is worth more than appeasing the political flavor and bias of the day.
   
   This is clearly demonstrated in Lifetime movie "Prayers for Bobby" which is one of the best LGBT family films ever made. , Part of the solution should be the parents growing in their understanding
   - not the child "becoming" straight.
   
   This understanding can be found at:
   American Academy of Pediatrics, American Medical Association, American Medical Student Association, American Psychological Association http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/sexual-orientation.aspx PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) Caitlin Ryan, PhD, ACSW, Stephen T.
   
   Russell, PhD, David Huebner, PhD, MPH, Rafael Diaz, PhD, MSW,and Jorge Sanchez, BA Family Acceptance in Adolescence and the Health of LGBT Young Adultsjcap_246
   205..213 Bruce Bahemihl, Ph.D., Biological Exuberance:
   Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity, St.
   
   Martin's Press, 2000, page
   35.
   
   Any assertion that these sources somehow represent "propaganda" or are part of some "agenda" clearly flies in the face of every credible organization. , The subject matter of a child coming out as gay needs to be stripped of any notion that this is somehow a disciplinary issue.
   
   It is not and it is psychological child abuse to treat as such. , Feeling are more important than facts, however out of control feelings that hurt others are not acceptable. , If so, then reach out to PFLAG and the Trevor Project who may be able to direct to local resources. , Many parents have had a lifetime of social messages that reflect cultural or community bias.
   
   This will not be overcome in a simple conversation or two. , This situation can go viral and volatile very quickly.
   
   Keep everyone calm. , Non-accepting parents risk for their son or daughter to:
   Develop mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression Commit suicide Reject their entire family entirely and cut off all forms of communication for life Continue to involve additional family dramas in which people insult and hurt each other, no different than in the political arena. , Part of this due care is taking the condemnation component out of the stereotype of the sexual orientation and work together to get to the solution.
   
   If the fear is that the gay child will become lost, lonely and have a future with bad outcomes
   - then consider positive LGBT role models who have indeed made healthy life choices and positive contributions to society.
   
   If the fear is that the child will be sexually irresponsible, then work with the child to value relationships, fidelity and good communication in relationships in a natural same-gender context.
   
   To an extent, this is about healthy choices and life skills.
   
   There are happy and healthy gay and straight people alike.
   
   Never allow a person's sexuality, gay or straight, to be come an excuse or entitlement to behave irresponsibly.
   
   Everyone of all sexual orientations all have the same moral and ethical duty to be responsible. , "Homosexuality" is a clinical term which naturally invites distaste. "Homosexual acts" is a very degrading term (would a married heterosexual couple appreciate their intimate lovemaking to be demonized into "an act"?) Anyone can put their own spin on how the subject matter of sexual orientation is perceived even through language alone without rhetoric.
   
   Correct terminology is gay, lesbian bisexual or transgender (GLBT); same-gender relationships and same-gender intimacy. , There is no such thing.
   
   There is no homogeneous lifestyle that "all" gay people live. "Gay" is a person's sexuality or sexual orientation which serves as a human attribute, not a "lifestyle choice".
   
   A lifestyle presupposes a set of stereotypes to which supposedly all LGBT persons would conform.
   
   This is simply not true.
   
   Much of the immoral behavior perpetuated by small number of gay men is the result of their own psychological disorders that stem from being rejected by their families or treated poorly by society, thus they rebel in act out in obnoxious and self-deprecating ways.
   
   Hollywood is quick to seize on this and often makes television characters out of the gay "victim" of social intolerance, instead of the successful gay professional who has overcome social intolerance, both psychologically, and with other's and their biases. , Arguments of speculation are a needless exercise in hollow hypotheticals.
   
   Work with what is known and real and not allow fears to become a new reality. , Just as parents might find it horrifying that their child wants to be with a member of the same gender
   - the sexuality of one's parents, even heterosexually, is not exactly an appealing image to any family member either.
   
   De-sexualize the subject matter and re-frame the context into the following:
   Knowledge and awareness Feelings The respect, privacy and dignity of everyone as a human being ,,, There is a better way.
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   Step 3: then do your best to reassure without being condescending.

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   Step 4: Determine what are the key points that establish the resistance: religion

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   Step 5: image in the community

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   Step 6: fear for the future of the LGBT child or some/all of the above.

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   Step 7: After collecting the information

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   Step 8: then present factual information informatively.

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   Step 9: Get to the solution.

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    Step 10: Help the parent understand.

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    Step 11: Know what to discuss.

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    Step 12: Not every parent is ready for a plethora of information; Let them digest at their own pace.

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    Step 13: Depending on the age of the child

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    Step 14: their welfare might be at risk.

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    Step 15: Do not expect too much too quickly.

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    Step 16: Take extreme care toward insuring that a family situation does not disintegrate into family violence

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    Step 17: suicide attempts

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    Step 18: drug or alcohol abuse

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    Step 19: runaway attempts or infliction of intentional hurt and pain on others.

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    Step 20: Let them know what they risk.

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    Step 21: Due care needs to be exercised to both a struggling and even grieving parents and the gay child.

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    Step 22: Use the correct terminology.

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    Step 23: Stop using the term "gay lifestyle".

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    Step 24: Do not allow others to replace fact with speculation.

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    Step 25: Sexuality is taboo anyway.

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    Step 26: ) Make a plan that includes everyone

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    Step 27: if all possible

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    Step 28: to attend PFLAG meetings www.pflag.org

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    Step 29: ) The most productive outcome: the growth and development of a child to become a self-sufficient adult who makes healthy choices and contributes fully to his or her potential in meaningful ways to society.

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    Step 30: There is no justification to waste a human life to add to the human misery and toll of wasted human potential of a time-honored prejudice rooted in fear

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    Step 31: ignorance and intolerance.

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