How to Teach Kids to Disagree Respectfully
Teach basic social interaction., Give your children permission to disagree., Encourage your child to listen., Discuss rude behavior after it occurs.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Teach basic social interaction.
If you want your children to learn to disagree respectfully, start with basic social interaction.
If children know how to respect others in normal conversation, they can carry that respect into disagreements.Talk about simple manners.
Teach your child how to say things like "Please" and "Thank you." Praise your child for remembering their manners.
Explain to your children empathy and manners help others feel respected.
Ask them to put themselves in another person's shoes.
For example, "Don't you feel better when someone says 'please' when they want you to do something?" Let your kids know that they can't let their emotions control their actions.
Say something like, "It's always okay to feel mad or frustrated, but you need to treat people with respect even if you're upset." Encourage children to do things like take deep breaths and count backwards from 10 when they get mad instead of lashing out at others. -
Step 2: Give your children permission to disagree.
Children often get hostile during disagreements because they don't know how to disagree.
Let your child know it's okay to disagree with others in a respectful manner.
This will help your child have a script to fall back on when a disagreement arises.Let your child know how they can disagree.
Teach them to adopt phrases like, "Can I explain my feelings?" or "Here's how I feel about that." You can also let your child know they can politely say, "I disagree." Model these kinds of phrases when disagreeing with those around you.
Children learn a lot by observing adult behavior. , Disagreement is inevitable and your child will need to learn to listen and compromise.
Let your child know that, while their perspective is important, they should also be willing to listen to the perspectives of others.Teach your child to abandon distractions when someone is talking.
Have your child put down their video games when you're talking to them, for example, and encourage them to make eye contact.
Explain that this helps the other person know they are important and being heard.
You can try role playing activities to teach your child listening skills.
It can be particularly fun for a child to learn what not to do.
For example, you can talk and encourage your child to play the role of the interrupter.
Afterwards, ask questions like, "Can you see how interrupting is disruptive?"
If your child was rude, it's important to let them know.
However, if a child is very upset and acting out, this is not always the best moment to intervene.
Wait until your child is calm and then explain why the behavior was disrespectful.For example, if your child throws a tantrum in the grocery store when you tell them they cannot get a toy, wait until you're home and your child is relaxed to address the issue.
Say something like, "I know you were upset back there, but you told me by yelling and kicking.
Can you tell me how you were feeling using your words?" Follow up by saying, "Next time, can you tell me using your words instead of yelling or kicking?" -
Step 3: Encourage your child to listen.
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Step 4: Discuss rude behavior after it occurs.
Detailed Guide
If you want your children to learn to disagree respectfully, start with basic social interaction.
If children know how to respect others in normal conversation, they can carry that respect into disagreements.Talk about simple manners.
Teach your child how to say things like "Please" and "Thank you." Praise your child for remembering their manners.
Explain to your children empathy and manners help others feel respected.
Ask them to put themselves in another person's shoes.
For example, "Don't you feel better when someone says 'please' when they want you to do something?" Let your kids know that they can't let their emotions control their actions.
Say something like, "It's always okay to feel mad or frustrated, but you need to treat people with respect even if you're upset." Encourage children to do things like take deep breaths and count backwards from 10 when they get mad instead of lashing out at others.
Children often get hostile during disagreements because they don't know how to disagree.
Let your child know it's okay to disagree with others in a respectful manner.
This will help your child have a script to fall back on when a disagreement arises.Let your child know how they can disagree.
Teach them to adopt phrases like, "Can I explain my feelings?" or "Here's how I feel about that." You can also let your child know they can politely say, "I disagree." Model these kinds of phrases when disagreeing with those around you.
Children learn a lot by observing adult behavior. , Disagreement is inevitable and your child will need to learn to listen and compromise.
Let your child know that, while their perspective is important, they should also be willing to listen to the perspectives of others.Teach your child to abandon distractions when someone is talking.
Have your child put down their video games when you're talking to them, for example, and encourage them to make eye contact.
Explain that this helps the other person know they are important and being heard.
You can try role playing activities to teach your child listening skills.
It can be particularly fun for a child to learn what not to do.
For example, you can talk and encourage your child to play the role of the interrupter.
Afterwards, ask questions like, "Can you see how interrupting is disruptive?"
If your child was rude, it's important to let them know.
However, if a child is very upset and acting out, this is not always the best moment to intervene.
Wait until your child is calm and then explain why the behavior was disrespectful.For example, if your child throws a tantrum in the grocery store when you tell them they cannot get a toy, wait until you're home and your child is relaxed to address the issue.
Say something like, "I know you were upset back there, but you told me by yelling and kicking.
Can you tell me how you were feeling using your words?" Follow up by saying, "Next time, can you tell me using your words instead of yelling or kicking?"
About the Author
Ann Russell
Enthusiastic about teaching cooking techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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