How to Teach Your Kids About Consent

Explain how to ask for consent., Teach them the importance of saying “no” or “stop.” You should also tell your child that it is important that they feel comfortable saying the word “no” or “stop” if they do not like how someone is touching them., Do...

5 Steps 4 min read Medium

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Step 1: Explain how to ask for consent.

    Start by sitting your kids down and explaining the importance of asking for consent before you do something to another person.

    Tell your child that it is important to ask the person, “Can I…?” or “May I…?” Then, they should wait for the person to say “Yes” before they act.

    This can help them understand that consent is essential when interacting with others.For example, you may say to your child, “What do you say before you touch someone’s arm at school?” They should then respond, “Can I touch your arm?” You may then reply, “That’s right, and what do you have to hear before you can touch their arm?” Your child should then respond, “Yes.

    They have to say yes before we can touch them.” You can also establish the rule of consent for things other than touching, as this will help to reinforce the importance of asking for permission before doing anything to anyone.

    For example, you may say, “What do you say when you want to play with your sister’s toy?” Your child should then say, “May I play with the toy?” For children between 1-5 years old, you should focus more on asking for permission, helping others, and saying "No." For children between 5-12 years old, you should focus more on teaching kids to respect one another’s space and to avoid bullying behavior to help grow empathy.

    For teens and young adults, the focus should be more on sex, self-esteem, and setting healthy boundaries.
  2. Step 2: Teach them the importance of saying “no” or “stop.” You should also tell your child that it is important that they feel comfortable saying the word “no” or “stop” if they do not like how someone is touching them.

    This could be touches like tickling, pinching, or even stroking their head.

    Let them know that their body belongs to them and they have control over how it is touched.

    Remind them that saying “no” or “stop” to someone means they should stop what they are doing.For example, you may tell your child, “If you do not like how someone is touching you, you should say ‘stop’ or ‘no’.” You can also prompt your child by asking, “What do you say if you don’t like how someone is touching you?” Your child should then answer, “No” or “stop.” You should remind your child that even if they say “yes” to something at first, they have the power to say “no” or “stop” if they feel uncomfortable.

    For example, you may say to your child, “You can say ‘no’ if you start to feel uncomfortable, even if you have said ‘yes’ at first.” , Resist the urge to make your child hug or kiss relatives hello or good bye.

    Try not to force your kid to shake someone’s hand if they feel uncomfortable, especially if the person is a stranger.

    Allow your child to decide if they want to be touched by others.

    This will help them feel in charge of their bodies and give them the chance to consent before being touched.For example, rather than say to your child, “Kiss your grandmother goodbye”, you may ask your child, “Would you like to kiss your grandmother goodbye?” You may also simply skip the hugging or kissing portion of a greeting so your child does not feel pressured to do these actions with others.

    Try to give your child space to decide these actions for themselves. , Make sure your child understands what their private parts are so they can control how they are touched.

    Use the correct terms for their private parts, such as “penis” or “vagina,” and encourage them to clean or wash their own private parts in the shower.

    This will help them understand what their private parts are and allow you to reinforce the importance of keeping these areas private or covered.For example, you may tell your child, “It is important that you keep your private parts covered and that only you touch them.

    You need to keep them covered with your underwear when you are at school and do not show them to anyone.” You should also tell your child that no one should touch their private parts.

    You may say, “No one is allowed to touch you there.

    If they ask to touch you there, you say ‘no’ or ‘stop’.”
  3. Step 3: Do not force your child to hug

  4. Step 4: or touch others.

  5. Step 5: Use the correct terms for private parts.

Detailed Guide

Start by sitting your kids down and explaining the importance of asking for consent before you do something to another person.

Tell your child that it is important to ask the person, “Can I…?” or “May I…?” Then, they should wait for the person to say “Yes” before they act.

This can help them understand that consent is essential when interacting with others.For example, you may say to your child, “What do you say before you touch someone’s arm at school?” They should then respond, “Can I touch your arm?” You may then reply, “That’s right, and what do you have to hear before you can touch their arm?” Your child should then respond, “Yes.

They have to say yes before we can touch them.” You can also establish the rule of consent for things other than touching, as this will help to reinforce the importance of asking for permission before doing anything to anyone.

For example, you may say, “What do you say when you want to play with your sister’s toy?” Your child should then say, “May I play with the toy?” For children between 1-5 years old, you should focus more on asking for permission, helping others, and saying "No." For children between 5-12 years old, you should focus more on teaching kids to respect one another’s space and to avoid bullying behavior to help grow empathy.

For teens and young adults, the focus should be more on sex, self-esteem, and setting healthy boundaries.

This could be touches like tickling, pinching, or even stroking their head.

Let them know that their body belongs to them and they have control over how it is touched.

Remind them that saying “no” or “stop” to someone means they should stop what they are doing.For example, you may tell your child, “If you do not like how someone is touching you, you should say ‘stop’ or ‘no’.” You can also prompt your child by asking, “What do you say if you don’t like how someone is touching you?” Your child should then answer, “No” or “stop.” You should remind your child that even if they say “yes” to something at first, they have the power to say “no” or “stop” if they feel uncomfortable.

For example, you may say to your child, “You can say ‘no’ if you start to feel uncomfortable, even if you have said ‘yes’ at first.” , Resist the urge to make your child hug or kiss relatives hello or good bye.

Try not to force your kid to shake someone’s hand if they feel uncomfortable, especially if the person is a stranger.

Allow your child to decide if they want to be touched by others.

This will help them feel in charge of their bodies and give them the chance to consent before being touched.For example, rather than say to your child, “Kiss your grandmother goodbye”, you may ask your child, “Would you like to kiss your grandmother goodbye?” You may also simply skip the hugging or kissing portion of a greeting so your child does not feel pressured to do these actions with others.

Try to give your child space to decide these actions for themselves. , Make sure your child understands what their private parts are so they can control how they are touched.

Use the correct terms for their private parts, such as “penis” or “vagina,” and encourage them to clean or wash their own private parts in the shower.

This will help them understand what their private parts are and allow you to reinforce the importance of keeping these areas private or covered.For example, you may tell your child, “It is important that you keep your private parts covered and that only you touch them.

You need to keep them covered with your underwear when you are at school and do not show them to anyone.” You should also tell your child that no one should touch their private parts.

You may say, “No one is allowed to touch you there.

If they ask to touch you there, you say ‘no’ or ‘stop’.”

About the Author

M

Mary Moore

Enthusiastic about teaching lifestyle techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.

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