How to Tell if Your Teenager Is Having Sex

Consider your reason for asking., Practice what you’ll say., Ask them directly., Ask about their friends' sexual activity., Ask someone else to talk to your teen., Be prepared for their answer.

6 Steps 3 min read Medium

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Step 1: Consider your reason for asking.

    Taking a moment to think about the reason why you want to ask your teen about their sexual behavior before you do so can help you to have a productive conversation with them.

    Ask yourself questions like: “What is my purpose for asking them about their sexual behavior?” “Am I concerned about them?” “Am I trying to educate them?
  2. Step 2: Practice what you’ll say.

    Talking to your teen about sex might not be one of your favorite activities.

    You might be nervous or worried about asking your teenager about their sexual activity.

    If you go over what you want to say, it can make it easier for you to talk to them and also find out if they’re having sex.

    You can write down what you want to say ahead of time and read through it, practice in front of a mirror, or role play with another parent or friend.

    Consider working in a bit of humor to face the awkwardness head-on: "I'm sure you'll be as excited about this as I am, but it's time for us to talk about S-E-X."

    This is a good way to ask your teenager about their sexual behavior if you know your teen will be honest with you.

    Being direct about it will let you know whether your teen is having sex quicker than any other way.It will also show your teen that you think they’re honest and mature enough for you to ask them directly about such a serious topic.

    For example, you might skip the speeches and jokes and simply ask your son, “Tez, have you started having sex?” , If you don’t think your teen is going to be honest with you if you ask them about having sex, you still have options.

    One alternative is to indirectly ask your teen about their sexual activity by talking about what their peers are doing.For example, you might say, “Are any of your friends having sex? What’s their opinion about sex?” If the conversation is going well, you may want to ask for their opinions about sex, share some of your own views and experiences, and then ask about their personal sexual activity. , If you aren't comfortable talking to your teenager about sex, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to find out if they’re having sex.

    If you need to, ask someone that you and your teen trust and respect, such as an older sibling or close family friend.

    Try if at all possible not to violate your teen's trust by asking this third person to "spill the beans" on the discussion without your teen's knowledge.

    Be clear from the start that what they discuss will be shared.

    Or, better yet, engage in the conversation all together. , Whether your teen is honest with you or not or whether they are having sex or not, you have to be able to accept the answer.

    Remain calm while you’re talking to your teenager and accept whatever response they give.For example, if your teen tells you that they are having sex, don’t get angry.

    Stay calm and let them know you accept their answer even if you don’t like it.

    Or, if they say they don’t want to talk about it, avoid getting angry.

    Instead, revisit the talk at another time.

    Even if your teen does not give you an answer, be willing to accept that.

    Depending on your relationship with them, they might not feel comfortable talking with you about this subject.
  3. Step 3: Ask them directly.

  4. Step 4: Ask about their friends' sexual activity.

  5. Step 5: Ask someone else to talk to your teen.

  6. Step 6: Be prepared for their answer.

Detailed Guide

Taking a moment to think about the reason why you want to ask your teen about their sexual behavior before you do so can help you to have a productive conversation with them.

Ask yourself questions like: “What is my purpose for asking them about their sexual behavior?” “Am I concerned about them?” “Am I trying to educate them?

Talking to your teen about sex might not be one of your favorite activities.

You might be nervous or worried about asking your teenager about their sexual activity.

If you go over what you want to say, it can make it easier for you to talk to them and also find out if they’re having sex.

You can write down what you want to say ahead of time and read through it, practice in front of a mirror, or role play with another parent or friend.

Consider working in a bit of humor to face the awkwardness head-on: "I'm sure you'll be as excited about this as I am, but it's time for us to talk about S-E-X."

This is a good way to ask your teenager about their sexual behavior if you know your teen will be honest with you.

Being direct about it will let you know whether your teen is having sex quicker than any other way.It will also show your teen that you think they’re honest and mature enough for you to ask them directly about such a serious topic.

For example, you might skip the speeches and jokes and simply ask your son, “Tez, have you started having sex?” , If you don’t think your teen is going to be honest with you if you ask them about having sex, you still have options.

One alternative is to indirectly ask your teen about their sexual activity by talking about what their peers are doing.For example, you might say, “Are any of your friends having sex? What’s their opinion about sex?” If the conversation is going well, you may want to ask for their opinions about sex, share some of your own views and experiences, and then ask about their personal sexual activity. , If you aren't comfortable talking to your teenager about sex, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to find out if they’re having sex.

If you need to, ask someone that you and your teen trust and respect, such as an older sibling or close family friend.

Try if at all possible not to violate your teen's trust by asking this third person to "spill the beans" on the discussion without your teen's knowledge.

Be clear from the start that what they discuss will be shared.

Or, better yet, engage in the conversation all together. , Whether your teen is honest with you or not or whether they are having sex or not, you have to be able to accept the answer.

Remain calm while you’re talking to your teenager and accept whatever response they give.For example, if your teen tells you that they are having sex, don’t get angry.

Stay calm and let them know you accept their answer even if you don’t like it.

Or, if they say they don’t want to talk about it, avoid getting angry.

Instead, revisit the talk at another time.

Even if your teen does not give you an answer, be willing to accept that.

Depending on your relationship with them, they might not feel comfortable talking with you about this subject.

About the Author

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Shirley Hill

Experienced content creator specializing in lifestyle guides and tutorials.

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