How to Tell Your Family That You Are Gay

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Choose the best time for you and your family.

   You will be the best judge of when the best time to tell each person is.
   
   You may want to tell everyone at a family gathering, or you may wish to take each family member, one at a time
   - your own personality, style, and family dynamic will determine the best way for you to share your news with the family.
2. 2

   Step 2: Look for an ally in your family.

   If you think one of your relatives might be more accepting and tolerant of your gay identity, tell that person first.
   
   Ask them if you could meet when they can spare some time to talk about something important to you.
   
   When you meet, be direct
   - don't beat around the bush.
   
   Say it simply and without apology, and wait for their questions.
   
   If this person is accepting, get them to help you come out to your whole family. , If you choose to make an announcement to come out, be sure that the relative you have already confided in is on hand to help cue the other family members to behave maturely.
   
   If you choose to tell some loved ones in a smaller, more private way, let your confidant know your plans so that he or she will be prepared to talk with the relatives you've just clued in. , If you decide to make one announcement to the whole family, try to keep from being too dramatic or making too huge a deal of it.
   
   Think of it as getting your family to deal with it the same way as they would deal with finding out that you wanted to change your major in college. , Whether you're telling the family as a group, or just one or two people at a time, the more confident and easy you are when you make your announcement, the easier your family will handle it.
   
   If you treat it like you are ashamed, they will be more likely to be ashamed. , Are you coming out to your family as transgender? Bisexual? While keeping it simple is best, be sure they understand your news, especially if you're getting into terms like "gender queer" or "dysphoria."Prepare simple, easy to understand definitions beforehand.
   
   If you're coming out to older relatives, there is a good chance they have never heard these words before. , Some family members may accept your announcement with a shrug and smile, others may cry and ask if it's their fault.
   
   Whatever the reaction, remain calm and know that these things take time.
   
   If you remain calm and confident, it will help them handle your announcement.
   
   If someone tells you they are shocked, angry, disappointed in you, devastated, etc., tell them, "I wish you didn't feel that way, and I hope you'll wish the best for me, even if you don't agree with the way I need to live.
   
   I love you and I understand you may have some concerns or questions, and I'll be glad to talk with you about it any time."
   
   There are some relatives who may willfully choose to ignore what you have told them, and continue to make remarks about you "Finding the right person," or having "a nice friend whose son/daughter would be perfect for you," or "someday you'll get married and put all this nonsense behind you." Accept their opinions about it, but keep your stand and don't consider changing your mind.
   
   Be as firm as possible without screaming or yelling.
   
   Remember to be direct.
3. 3

   Step 3: Have your supportive relative on hand.

4. 4

   Step 4: Keep it simple.

5. 5

   Step 5: Speak clearly

6. 6

   Step 6: don't joke or laugh.

7. 7

   Step 7: Make sure your family understands the terms you're using.

8. 8

   Step 8: Allow time for them to process and assimilate your news.

9. 9

   Step 9: Repeat as necessary.

Detailed Guide

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