How to Understand Your Teenage Daughter
Really talk to her., Get to know your daughter’s interests., Talk openly about social media., Have a serious talk about drinking alcohol and doing drugs.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Really talk to her.
Though you can start by asking how her day at school was, don’t stop there.
It’s important for you to really talk with your daughter in order to understand her.
Begin the conversation with small, open ended questions such as, “Tell me about your day.” If your daughter doesn’t seem to be responding, let her know you’re there when she’s ready to talk.
If you start with broader questions, follow up with more narrow ones.
For example, “How was your day?” “Did your chemistry test go well?” “How do you think you did?” Try not to rapidly fire off questions though, as you don’t want her to shut down.
Remind her that it’s OK to discuss whatever’s on her mind and that she won’t be judged or criticized for it.Take advantage of talking with your daughter while you’re in the car together.
You’ll both be less distracted, plus you can find inspiration for conversations based on what’s happening as you drive.
You can use the same method while you’re watching your favorite shows together.
Instead of pre-recording the program, use the commercial breaks as an opportunity to chat. -
Step 2: Get to know your daughter’s interests.
One of the many advantages of talking with your teenage daughter is actually getting to know her.
You’ll probably be surprised to learn how much her interests have changed since she was younger.
Knowing her interests will help you to relate to her and bond with her.
If you notice, for example, that your daughter is into music ask her to tell you about some of the bands she’s interested in now.
Tell her you’d like to listen to some of her favorite songs by that group.
Even if you don’t like the music, refrain from expressing that.
If your daughter is into fashion, ask her to show you some of her favorite online stores.
You can spend time looking at clothes together and can even plan a trip to the mall to visit more stores there.
One of the goals of getting to know your daughter is understanding what motivates her and what makes her happy.
That means learning about her aspirations as well as her inspirations, so understand who your daughter looks up to, whether it’s a friend, older sibling or a celebrity. , Many teenagers depend on social media to make them happy.
Discuss what social media sites she is on and what she hopes to achieve in using the sites.Keep the discussion from feeling like an inquisition by asking her about some of her favorite sites.
You’ll probably be surprised to discover there are sites you have never even heard of.
For sites you’re unfamiliar with, ask your daughter to show you around.
Learn how the site works and what the basic features are.
Ask your daughter about times where she had uncomfortable experiences online.
Discuss what steps she takes to protect herself from unwanted attention, such as using privacy settings.
Online etiquette should also be discussed.
Talk about what type of language is appropriate to use and what cyberbullying means.
Most states have rules surrounding cyberbullying, so read up on your state laws prior to the discussion., Make sure that you discuss the dangers of drinking and doing drugs, without being overly preachy.
Talk about some of the repercussions for using drugs and drinking alcohol as a minor.
Remember that her brain isn't great at processing risks right now, so help her out by explaining some of the negative consequences associated with drinking.
You may want to share some of your experiences to help her feel more at ease about opening up to you.
Even though you shouldn't ever encourage her to drink, let her know that you're always available to drive if she is in a bad situation.
Reiterate that she should never get into the car with a drunk driver and that you will come and get her, without fear of repercussions. -
Step 3: Talk openly about social media.
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Step 4: Have a serious talk about drinking alcohol and doing drugs.
Detailed Guide
Though you can start by asking how her day at school was, don’t stop there.
It’s important for you to really talk with your daughter in order to understand her.
Begin the conversation with small, open ended questions such as, “Tell me about your day.” If your daughter doesn’t seem to be responding, let her know you’re there when she’s ready to talk.
If you start with broader questions, follow up with more narrow ones.
For example, “How was your day?” “Did your chemistry test go well?” “How do you think you did?” Try not to rapidly fire off questions though, as you don’t want her to shut down.
Remind her that it’s OK to discuss whatever’s on her mind and that she won’t be judged or criticized for it.Take advantage of talking with your daughter while you’re in the car together.
You’ll both be less distracted, plus you can find inspiration for conversations based on what’s happening as you drive.
You can use the same method while you’re watching your favorite shows together.
Instead of pre-recording the program, use the commercial breaks as an opportunity to chat.
One of the many advantages of talking with your teenage daughter is actually getting to know her.
You’ll probably be surprised to learn how much her interests have changed since she was younger.
Knowing her interests will help you to relate to her and bond with her.
If you notice, for example, that your daughter is into music ask her to tell you about some of the bands she’s interested in now.
Tell her you’d like to listen to some of her favorite songs by that group.
Even if you don’t like the music, refrain from expressing that.
If your daughter is into fashion, ask her to show you some of her favorite online stores.
You can spend time looking at clothes together and can even plan a trip to the mall to visit more stores there.
One of the goals of getting to know your daughter is understanding what motivates her and what makes her happy.
That means learning about her aspirations as well as her inspirations, so understand who your daughter looks up to, whether it’s a friend, older sibling or a celebrity. , Many teenagers depend on social media to make them happy.
Discuss what social media sites she is on and what she hopes to achieve in using the sites.Keep the discussion from feeling like an inquisition by asking her about some of her favorite sites.
You’ll probably be surprised to discover there are sites you have never even heard of.
For sites you’re unfamiliar with, ask your daughter to show you around.
Learn how the site works and what the basic features are.
Ask your daughter about times where she had uncomfortable experiences online.
Discuss what steps she takes to protect herself from unwanted attention, such as using privacy settings.
Online etiquette should also be discussed.
Talk about what type of language is appropriate to use and what cyberbullying means.
Most states have rules surrounding cyberbullying, so read up on your state laws prior to the discussion., Make sure that you discuss the dangers of drinking and doing drugs, without being overly preachy.
Talk about some of the repercussions for using drugs and drinking alcohol as a minor.
Remember that her brain isn't great at processing risks right now, so help her out by explaining some of the negative consequences associated with drinking.
You may want to share some of your experiences to help her feel more at ease about opening up to you.
Even though you shouldn't ever encourage her to drink, let her know that you're always available to drive if she is in a bad situation.
Reiterate that she should never get into the car with a drunk driver and that you will come and get her, without fear of repercussions.
About the Author
Ryan Perry
Writer and educator with a focus on practical practical skills knowledge.
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