How to Accept Loneliness
Accept that loneliness is not a fact, but a feeling., Embrace your feelings., Change your attitude., Practice compassion., Question what may be missing from your life., Overcome shyness and insecurity., Conquer your fear of rejection.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Accept that loneliness is not a fact
Loneliness can trigger feelings of abandonment, forlornness, or isolation.
Recognize when these emotions are triggered, and remember that having a feeling doesn’t necessarily make it fact.
You are not bound to feeling lonely.Feelings can change quickly based on circumstances and attitudes.
You may feel lonely one moment, then realize that you’d rather be by yourself than be with friends, or you may receive a phone call from a friend, relieving loneliness. -
Step 2: but a feeling.
Don’t ignore your feelings; they can be important signals on what is going well or poorly in your life.
As with all feelings, allow yourself to feel loneliness.
Pay attention to how you feel when loneliness creeps up.
Your body may feel heavy, or you may have an urge to cry.
Allow yourself to feel the physical and emotional associations, and allow yourself to cry.Don’t instinctively run from loneliness.
Many people choose to distract themselves from loneliness by turning to tv, work, projects, or other activities to avoid feeling the pain of loneliness.
Instead, stay aware of your feelings (and the ways you cope) and determine to honor your body and emotions., When the thoughts “I’m lonely” or “I feel all alone” come across your mind, chances are you have a negative association with these feelings.
It’s easy to spiral into negative thoughts from here: questioning your self-worth, feeling somehow less valuable or feeling emotionally or physically drained.
Before heading down this rabbit hole, consider changing your attitude.
Instead of labelling your experience as “lonely”, adopt the mindset of having solitude.
Embrace having the opportunity to experience solitude as peaceful and restorative.When you learn to cherish your solitude you'll be able to handle the times when it’s just you.
Use your time to get to know yourself better: start a journal, meditate, and read books that interest you.
Sometimes having more alone time is inevitable, such as when moving to a new city or country.
Embrace the moments you have to experience solitude, and know that they will not last forever.
Cherish the time you have to have a new experience. , Realize that loneliness is a universal experience that affects every individual at one time or another.
Loneliness is part of the human experience.Imagine having a friend tell you that she feels lonely.
How would you respond? What would you say to her? Practice this same compassion toward yourself.
Allow yourself to reach out to people and ask for support.
Loneliness is not shameful or embarrassing; it is a part of everyone’s life at some point, and there’s no need to feel bad about feeling lonely.
Express compassion toward yourself, and express compassion toward other people who may feel lonely around you. , Loneliness can be a tool to show you what may be missing or what you may want more of in your life.You may be surrounded by people and social events yet still feel lonely.
Loneliness may not be a lack of social contact, but a lack of intimate connections.Take some time to reflect upon what you would like to have in your life.
Write down times when you feel lonely.
Maybe you feel most lonely during large social events or when you are home alone.
Then, consider what might alleviate that loneliness; maybe it would be having a friend go to events with you, or calling over your sister to watch a movie when you feel lonely at home.
Come up with realistic solutions that you can enact (don’t make the solution to have a boyfriend or girlfriend to solve all of your loneliness). , Remember that nobody is born with social skills, and that they are skills, not superpowers.
Much of shyness/insecurity comes from false beliefs or fears about social performance.
Your thoughts about being unlikeable or weird do not reflect reality; it is one perception.
And remember, you don't have to be perfect in order to be likeable.
When you feel socially insecure, start paying more attention to your external environment instead of your internal thoughts and feelings.
Focus on the person/people you are talking to, and focus your attention on understanding and hearing out your company instead of yourself.Realize that it’s okay to make social mistakes; everybody does! People pay a lot less notice to your mistakes than you realize; most people are too focused on themselves and combatting social fears to notice your insecurities! For more information, read How to Not Be Shy. , Sometimes, it feels safer to avoid social situations than to experience rejection.
A fear of rejection is based in a distrust in people.Perhaps you experienced betrayal in the past and are now fearful in trusting people or making friends.
While this experience was painful, remember that not every friendship you have will betray you.
Keep trying.
Not every rejection you experience reflects a rejection of you as a person.
Someone may be distracted or or unaware of you reaching out.
Remember that you don’t like everyone you meet, and not everyone you meet will like you, and that's okay. -
Step 3: Embrace your feelings.
-
Step 4: Change your attitude.
-
Step 5: Practice compassion.
-
Step 6: Question what may be missing from your life.
-
Step 7: Overcome shyness and insecurity.
-
Step 8: Conquer your fear of rejection.
Detailed Guide
Loneliness can trigger feelings of abandonment, forlornness, or isolation.
Recognize when these emotions are triggered, and remember that having a feeling doesn’t necessarily make it fact.
You are not bound to feeling lonely.Feelings can change quickly based on circumstances and attitudes.
You may feel lonely one moment, then realize that you’d rather be by yourself than be with friends, or you may receive a phone call from a friend, relieving loneliness.
Don’t ignore your feelings; they can be important signals on what is going well or poorly in your life.
As with all feelings, allow yourself to feel loneliness.
Pay attention to how you feel when loneliness creeps up.
Your body may feel heavy, or you may have an urge to cry.
Allow yourself to feel the physical and emotional associations, and allow yourself to cry.Don’t instinctively run from loneliness.
Many people choose to distract themselves from loneliness by turning to tv, work, projects, or other activities to avoid feeling the pain of loneliness.
Instead, stay aware of your feelings (and the ways you cope) and determine to honor your body and emotions., When the thoughts “I’m lonely” or “I feel all alone” come across your mind, chances are you have a negative association with these feelings.
It’s easy to spiral into negative thoughts from here: questioning your self-worth, feeling somehow less valuable or feeling emotionally or physically drained.
Before heading down this rabbit hole, consider changing your attitude.
Instead of labelling your experience as “lonely”, adopt the mindset of having solitude.
Embrace having the opportunity to experience solitude as peaceful and restorative.When you learn to cherish your solitude you'll be able to handle the times when it’s just you.
Use your time to get to know yourself better: start a journal, meditate, and read books that interest you.
Sometimes having more alone time is inevitable, such as when moving to a new city or country.
Embrace the moments you have to experience solitude, and know that they will not last forever.
Cherish the time you have to have a new experience. , Realize that loneliness is a universal experience that affects every individual at one time or another.
Loneliness is part of the human experience.Imagine having a friend tell you that she feels lonely.
How would you respond? What would you say to her? Practice this same compassion toward yourself.
Allow yourself to reach out to people and ask for support.
Loneliness is not shameful or embarrassing; it is a part of everyone’s life at some point, and there’s no need to feel bad about feeling lonely.
Express compassion toward yourself, and express compassion toward other people who may feel lonely around you. , Loneliness can be a tool to show you what may be missing or what you may want more of in your life.You may be surrounded by people and social events yet still feel lonely.
Loneliness may not be a lack of social contact, but a lack of intimate connections.Take some time to reflect upon what you would like to have in your life.
Write down times when you feel lonely.
Maybe you feel most lonely during large social events or when you are home alone.
Then, consider what might alleviate that loneliness; maybe it would be having a friend go to events with you, or calling over your sister to watch a movie when you feel lonely at home.
Come up with realistic solutions that you can enact (don’t make the solution to have a boyfriend or girlfriend to solve all of your loneliness). , Remember that nobody is born with social skills, and that they are skills, not superpowers.
Much of shyness/insecurity comes from false beliefs or fears about social performance.
Your thoughts about being unlikeable or weird do not reflect reality; it is one perception.
And remember, you don't have to be perfect in order to be likeable.
When you feel socially insecure, start paying more attention to your external environment instead of your internal thoughts and feelings.
Focus on the person/people you are talking to, and focus your attention on understanding and hearing out your company instead of yourself.Realize that it’s okay to make social mistakes; everybody does! People pay a lot less notice to your mistakes than you realize; most people are too focused on themselves and combatting social fears to notice your insecurities! For more information, read How to Not Be Shy. , Sometimes, it feels safer to avoid social situations than to experience rejection.
A fear of rejection is based in a distrust in people.Perhaps you experienced betrayal in the past and are now fearful in trusting people or making friends.
While this experience was painful, remember that not every friendship you have will betray you.
Keep trying.
Not every rejection you experience reflects a rejection of you as a person.
Someone may be distracted or or unaware of you reaching out.
Remember that you don’t like everyone you meet, and not everyone you meet will like you, and that's okay.
About the Author
Joseph Thomas
Brings years of experience writing about crafts and related subjects.
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