How to Annoy People in a Restaurant

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Seat yourself.

   To be even more annoying, sit next to other diners.
   
   If they ask you what you are doing, simply reply, "Seating myself." Stay until someone has the guts to ask you to leave.
   
   Seat yourself at a table that's already been reserved.
   
   If you're unable to seat yourself, let the hostess seat you and feel free to tell everyone you don't like where you're seated.
2. 2

   Step 2: Scream "Waitress!!!"

   (or waiter) incessantly.
   
   Always make up some wild complaint when attended to, such as, "There's an odd number of ice cubes in my water!" Also, try snapping your fingers to get the waiter's/waitresses attention.
   
   For bonus points, poke at the waitstaff to get their attention using your fork (but don't stab people). , Foodies are infamous for Playing 20 questions with the server.
   
   Criticizing-no, wait-critiquing everything that's been served to them.
   
   Making moaning sex noises like you are really into that sex while eating.
   
   Being persnickety with the food.
   
   Monopolizing the wait-staff's time. , The nanny you're going to fire.
   
   Complain that you will never get laid. ,, This works best at a crowded restaurant and you want the best seat in the house at the last minute (with no reservation).
   
   This lets everyone know you demand preferential treatment. , If you're in an Italian restaurant, order sushi. ,, very loudly.
   
   See if anyone reacts. , , free drinks) request 100 free drinks.
   
   See if you have to pay for them. ,,, Spill your water on your table and declare in a whiny pre-school voice, "I want another water!"
   
   ,,,,,,, , Make sure the music is loud! ,,, May I try a bite?"
3. 3

   Step 3: Be a Foodie (and observe other Foodies) Foodies are self-appointed experts on food and wine and they collect restaurant experiences like Pokémon cards.

4. 4

   Step 4: Feel free to discuss personal business while dining out such as: Your fungal infection that won't go away while other people are eating.

5. 5

   Step 5: Bring your cell phone with you and don't bother turning it off when it rings and when it does don't answer it for a minute and when you do be as loud and obnoxious as possible.

6. 6

   Step 6: Say you're friends with the owner.

7. 7

   Step 7: Order off the menu.

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   Step 8: If there's a large crowd (who made reservations in advance) waiting to be seated

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   Step 9: linger around and take forever to eat.

10. 10

    Step 10: At random times

11. 11

    Step 11: stand up on your chair or booth

12. 12

    Step 12: point out the window

13. 13

    Step 13: and scream "Code Red!"

14. 14

    Step 14: Belch after every bite

15. 15

    Step 15: and declare to the whole restaurant that "This was the best bite yet!"

16. 16

    Step 16: If there is a special (i.e.

17. 17

    Step 17: Order a salad as your meal

18. 18

    Step 18: then claim that all you got was an appetizer.

19. 19

    Step 19: Ask the person at the register if you can put your free items on lay-away.

20. 20

    Step 20: Act like you're three.

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    Step 21: After you finish eating

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    Step 22: ask other diners for their food.

23. 23

    Step 23: Ask the waitress' for dates.

24. 24

    Step 24: Pay for your meal in pennies.

25. 25

    Step 25: Cheer every time someone walks into the restaurant.

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    Step 26: Loudly sniff your food

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    Step 27: then declare that it smells bad.

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    Step 28: Order fries with your fries.

29. 29

    Step 29: Get a kids activity page

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    Step 30: then ask a random diner if they can help you figure it out.

31. 31

    Step 31: Bring crayons and throw them at people (make sure they don't catch you.)

32. 32

    Step 32: Clog dance in the middle of the restaurant

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    Step 33: and bring some clog-dancing music.

34. 34

    Step 34: Draw on the floor.

35. 35

    Step 35: Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while eating lamb.

36. 36

    Step 36: Sniff other people's food and say "Appetizing!

Detailed Guide

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