How to Avoid Arguments in IRC
Start from the position of assuming good faith., If someone is deliberately provoking you, try to look beyond the provocation to find the source of their pain., Be aware that you are likely to be mingling with people from different cultures and...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Start from the position of assuming good faith.
Typing words is never the same as face-to-face communications.
When we cannot see each other, we lose a substantial amount of our ability to communicate.
Without seeing the wink, the smiling eyes and the hand signals, for example, you can easily miss that someone is just joking rather than stating something seriously.
Sometimes you can tell because you know the personality of the person typing but other times, well, words on a screen can seem quite different from the intention with which they were put across.
If you assume first that no ill intent was meant, you can probably unravel lots of problems before they begin.
Ask if you don't understand something said.
Much woe comes from misattribution of meaning or making up people's feelings from their bland statements.
An example of asking for clarification might be: "When you said X, I took this to mean you feel I am wrong.
I feel bad if you misunderstood what I was trying to say
- perhaps you'd like me to explain what I meant more clearly?" -
Step 2: If someone is deliberately provoking you
In some cases, this will be enough to warn you to back off from what is unlikely to be a well constructed discussion.
It can also allow you have some compassion for the challenger; maybe this person is in a bad situation and taking it out on others, rather than being a bad person.
There can be various reasons behind nasty words, many of which are about the speaker's own state of mind or confusion.
If someone feels embarrassed, ashamed or scared, they might be defensive to ward off feelings of inferiority or fear of being attacked.
If someone feels that their personal values or moral beliefs have been threatened, they may respond with aggression.
Topics that often cause heated argument include gay marriage, stay-at-home moms versus working moms, unemployment subsidies and gun control laws.
If someone is pre-disposed to being angry a lot of the time, it's probable that they will be angry in IRC.
Whether it's a bad habit, a mental disorder or just the only approach this person ever uses when online, you cannot argue with a highly angry person and come out unscathed.
In this case, the moderators will likely need to be involved to keep this person out of the playpen.
Watch out for people obsessed with blaming.
High conflict individuals are prone to blaming others in a very intense way, using volatile words and accusations, often rapid-fire.
Most times, this "blaming" is well out of proportion to something said or done.
Realize that this person is not going to listen to reason as they're only interested in making you seem blame-worthy. , Hot buttons for you politically or culturally may not be hot buttons for people living elsewhere.
As a result, they may unwittingly be pressing your buttons without meaning anything negative, it's just that the issue isn't so "hot potato" where they come from.
For example, some countries don't treat politics very seriously and find it unfathomable how politically touchy people in other countries can get. -
Step 3: try to look beyond the provocation to find the source of their pain.
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Step 4: Be aware that you are likely to be mingling with people from different cultures and different countries.
Detailed Guide
Typing words is never the same as face-to-face communications.
When we cannot see each other, we lose a substantial amount of our ability to communicate.
Without seeing the wink, the smiling eyes and the hand signals, for example, you can easily miss that someone is just joking rather than stating something seriously.
Sometimes you can tell because you know the personality of the person typing but other times, well, words on a screen can seem quite different from the intention with which they were put across.
If you assume first that no ill intent was meant, you can probably unravel lots of problems before they begin.
Ask if you don't understand something said.
Much woe comes from misattribution of meaning or making up people's feelings from their bland statements.
An example of asking for clarification might be: "When you said X, I took this to mean you feel I am wrong.
I feel bad if you misunderstood what I was trying to say
- perhaps you'd like me to explain what I meant more clearly?"
In some cases, this will be enough to warn you to back off from what is unlikely to be a well constructed discussion.
It can also allow you have some compassion for the challenger; maybe this person is in a bad situation and taking it out on others, rather than being a bad person.
There can be various reasons behind nasty words, many of which are about the speaker's own state of mind or confusion.
If someone feels embarrassed, ashamed or scared, they might be defensive to ward off feelings of inferiority or fear of being attacked.
If someone feels that their personal values or moral beliefs have been threatened, they may respond with aggression.
Topics that often cause heated argument include gay marriage, stay-at-home moms versus working moms, unemployment subsidies and gun control laws.
If someone is pre-disposed to being angry a lot of the time, it's probable that they will be angry in IRC.
Whether it's a bad habit, a mental disorder or just the only approach this person ever uses when online, you cannot argue with a highly angry person and come out unscathed.
In this case, the moderators will likely need to be involved to keep this person out of the playpen.
Watch out for people obsessed with blaming.
High conflict individuals are prone to blaming others in a very intense way, using volatile words and accusations, often rapid-fire.
Most times, this "blaming" is well out of proportion to something said or done.
Realize that this person is not going to listen to reason as they're only interested in making you seem blame-worthy. , Hot buttons for you politically or culturally may not be hot buttons for people living elsewhere.
As a result, they may unwittingly be pressing your buttons without meaning anything negative, it's just that the issue isn't so "hot potato" where they come from.
For example, some countries don't treat politics very seriously and find it unfathomable how politically touchy people in other countries can get.
About the Author
Angela Cooper
A seasoned expert in lifestyle and practical guides, Angela Cooper combines 11 years of experience with a passion for teaching. Angela's guides are known for their clarity and practical value.
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