How to Avoid Coming off As Pretentious
Keep quiet about your accomplishments.People are already likely aware of the talents, gifts, and education you possess., Pay compliments., Give others credit., Don’t be a know-it-all., Be quiet., Acknowledge your mistakes.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Keep quiet about your accomplishments.People are already likely aware of the talents
Do not mention your accomplishments unless someone else asks you about them.
For example, if someone asks you how work is going, you could give a short summary of a current project you are working on, like “I’m getting the store ready for the holidays by setting up some displays.” This sounds much better than, “The regional manager came in last week and said I always do the best job getting my employees to set up the endcaps correctly.” Even if the statement is true, it comes across as bragging and sounding superior.
If someone asks you about your achievements, talk about them briefly.
If the person seems interested, you can elaborate.
For example, the person you are talking to may be genuinely interested in your invitation to speak at a conference.
You could say, “Yes, it’s next month.
I’m nervous but very grateful for the opportunity,” and then elaborate on what you plan to talk about.
That sounds better than, “I was so pleased to be offered the invitation because I’ll get to be onstage with some of the most important people in my field.” The first example is stating facts and feelings, while the second statement implies how important you think you are. -
Step 2: and education you possess.
Particularly, compliment others’ great ideas or actions.
It shows that you are paying attention to them and are not just focused on your own interests.
For example, you could say, “Aaliyah, I loved what you said in the meeting about reaching out to other departments on this project.
I think it was important.” Complimenting people also makes them feel very good about themselves, and positively reinforces their behavior.Put others in the spotlight.
Have them talk about their own accomplishments and praise them for their talents. , Let others know you didn’t accomplish what you did on your own.First of all, it dispels the myth of a self-made person.
Everyone is helped along the way by someone else.
Secondly, it makes you sound more humble, and grateful for the help you’ve received.
For example, if someone says, “Your sculpture is amazing! You are so talented!” you could say, “Thanks.
I had a great teacher in high school who helped influence my work.
I give her a ton of credit.” , Even if you are an expert in a particular subject, that doesn’t mean that there still isn’t something out there for you to learn.
Be open to being taught.
When people offer their ideas, don’t shoot them down because you think you know better.
They still may have something to contribute, and may be able to offer a different way to look at a situation.
Try saying, “I’ve never thought about it that way before” or “That’s an interesting perspective.” If you know the person to be wrong about a factual matter, determine if it is necessary to correct them (for example, if you are working on an important project).
If it is, back up your correction with necessary research and try saying, “Nancy, I’m so sorry.
I don’t want to sound like I’m calling you out, but those earlier numbers you mentioned weren’t correct,” then show the information you have.
If you remain polite and humble, you will not seem like a know-it-all.
Keep in mind that different people have different ways of doing things that are not necessarily wrong or right.
Raising children is a great example.
There are many different ways to raise a child successfully, and what works best for one family may be a complete disaster in another. , Sometimes people come across as pretentious because they have to share their opinion about everything, and they make their opinion sound superior to other people’s.
It is not always necessary to share your opinion, so interject wisely.For example, say you are very health-conscious, and your sister tells you she had fast food for dinner.
Instead of telling her how horrible fast food is for her (she probably already knows, anyway), you can ask her a question about her dinner (Did she go out with friends? Where did she eat?) or just change the subject. , Don’t try to pass the blame onto someone or something else.
Own them, apologize if necessary, and move on.
Admitting mistakes shows your willingness to be vulnerable, which people connect with more strongly than a person up on a pedestal.
Admitting you were wrong gives other people permission to talk about their screw-ups, as well as helps to build empathy. -
Step 3: Pay compliments.
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Step 4: Give others credit.
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Step 5: Don’t be a know-it-all.
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Step 6: Be quiet.
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Step 7: Acknowledge your mistakes.
Detailed Guide
Do not mention your accomplishments unless someone else asks you about them.
For example, if someone asks you how work is going, you could give a short summary of a current project you are working on, like “I’m getting the store ready for the holidays by setting up some displays.” This sounds much better than, “The regional manager came in last week and said I always do the best job getting my employees to set up the endcaps correctly.” Even if the statement is true, it comes across as bragging and sounding superior.
If someone asks you about your achievements, talk about them briefly.
If the person seems interested, you can elaborate.
For example, the person you are talking to may be genuinely interested in your invitation to speak at a conference.
You could say, “Yes, it’s next month.
I’m nervous but very grateful for the opportunity,” and then elaborate on what you plan to talk about.
That sounds better than, “I was so pleased to be offered the invitation because I’ll get to be onstage with some of the most important people in my field.” The first example is stating facts and feelings, while the second statement implies how important you think you are.
Particularly, compliment others’ great ideas or actions.
It shows that you are paying attention to them and are not just focused on your own interests.
For example, you could say, “Aaliyah, I loved what you said in the meeting about reaching out to other departments on this project.
I think it was important.” Complimenting people also makes them feel very good about themselves, and positively reinforces their behavior.Put others in the spotlight.
Have them talk about their own accomplishments and praise them for their talents. , Let others know you didn’t accomplish what you did on your own.First of all, it dispels the myth of a self-made person.
Everyone is helped along the way by someone else.
Secondly, it makes you sound more humble, and grateful for the help you’ve received.
For example, if someone says, “Your sculpture is amazing! You are so talented!” you could say, “Thanks.
I had a great teacher in high school who helped influence my work.
I give her a ton of credit.” , Even if you are an expert in a particular subject, that doesn’t mean that there still isn’t something out there for you to learn.
Be open to being taught.
When people offer their ideas, don’t shoot them down because you think you know better.
They still may have something to contribute, and may be able to offer a different way to look at a situation.
Try saying, “I’ve never thought about it that way before” or “That’s an interesting perspective.” If you know the person to be wrong about a factual matter, determine if it is necessary to correct them (for example, if you are working on an important project).
If it is, back up your correction with necessary research and try saying, “Nancy, I’m so sorry.
I don’t want to sound like I’m calling you out, but those earlier numbers you mentioned weren’t correct,” then show the information you have.
If you remain polite and humble, you will not seem like a know-it-all.
Keep in mind that different people have different ways of doing things that are not necessarily wrong or right.
Raising children is a great example.
There are many different ways to raise a child successfully, and what works best for one family may be a complete disaster in another. , Sometimes people come across as pretentious because they have to share their opinion about everything, and they make their opinion sound superior to other people’s.
It is not always necessary to share your opinion, so interject wisely.For example, say you are very health-conscious, and your sister tells you she had fast food for dinner.
Instead of telling her how horrible fast food is for her (she probably already knows, anyway), you can ask her a question about her dinner (Did she go out with friends? Where did she eat?) or just change the subject. , Don’t try to pass the blame onto someone or something else.
Own them, apologize if necessary, and move on.
Admitting mistakes shows your willingness to be vulnerable, which people connect with more strongly than a person up on a pedestal.
Admitting you were wrong gives other people permission to talk about their screw-ups, as well as helps to build empathy.
About the Author
Lori Mendoza
Creates helpful guides on hobbies to inspire and educate readers.
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