How to Avoid Self Sabotage when You Feel Unloved
Resist the temptation to self-medicate., Spend time with positive influences., Find creative outlets for pain., Challenge negative thought patterns.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Resist the temptation to self-medicate.
When you feel emotional pain such as rejection from a loved one, you may be drawn to practices that allow you to numb your feelings.
Feeling unloved can create both anxiety and depression, and you may try to treat these uncomfortable feelings on your own by using alcohol and drugs.
Self-medication with substances may help you escape painful emotions in the short-term, but doing so can escalate into addiction, causing an even greater problem in the long-term.Some people may also self-medicate with other practices, such as binge-eating on comfort foods, shopping excessively, or having sex with various people to numb undesirable emotions.
If you notice yourself engaging in unsafe or unhealthy behaviors, reach out to a friend or a professional counselor for support. -
Step 2: Spend time with positive influences.
There’s a saying that you are the sum of the five people closest to you.
If those near and dear to you engage in unhealthy, self-destructive behaviors like using alcohol or drugs, engaging in risky sex, or gambling, you are more prone to do the same.
Carefully choosing your social group can make all the difference in the type of behaviors you do regularly.Make the choice to remove negative influences from your life.
Highlight those relationships that influence you to make positive decisions like going to work or school, setting goals, and treating your body well.
If you don’t have any positive influences, open yourself up to making new friends.
If you find that some people around you are negative influences, tell them, "I'm sorry, but we're going to have to stop spending time together.
I have been making unhealthy choices and I need to reevaluate many of my relationships."
Rather than turning to self-sabotaging behaviors, use your emotional pain for good by getting creative.
Exercising your inner creativity can help you channel negative feelings like rejection, disappointment, or hatred into positive activities like writing, painting, music, drama or any other art form.
Being creative can help you heal from feeling unloved and decrease feelings of stress or anxiety.Use your emotional pain as a stimulus to draw a picture or write a song.
Get out a fresh piece of paper and write a story.
Or, you can turn on some soothing music and dance out what you are feeling inside. , Sometimes the script running through your head all day can contribute to your mood.
If you are thinking negative thoughts like “Nobody cares about me” or “I will be alone forever,” then your self-talk is steering you down a dark and depressed path.
How you interpret situations and the world around you can make a big difference on how you feel.
Learn to identify and challenge negative thoughts in order to stop self-sabotaging behaviors.If you notice yourself feeling particularly low or blue, try to think back to what you have been telling yourself in your head.
Your thoughts are probably negative.
For example, if you say “Nobody cares about me” because none of your friends or family called you, you can challenge the evidence surrounding this thought.
Perform reality testing by asking yourself if your thoughts are facts or just your own interpretations.
If you can think of one person who does seem to care for you, then you automatically cancel out the validity of the statement.
Reframe negative thoughts to make them more positive and realistic.
You might say, “Sometimes, I feel like nobody cares for me.
Maybe if I called my loved ones instead of waiting on them to call, I wouldn’t feel like this.” -
Step 3: Find creative outlets for pain.
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Step 4: Challenge negative thought patterns.
Detailed Guide
When you feel emotional pain such as rejection from a loved one, you may be drawn to practices that allow you to numb your feelings.
Feeling unloved can create both anxiety and depression, and you may try to treat these uncomfortable feelings on your own by using alcohol and drugs.
Self-medication with substances may help you escape painful emotions in the short-term, but doing so can escalate into addiction, causing an even greater problem in the long-term.Some people may also self-medicate with other practices, such as binge-eating on comfort foods, shopping excessively, or having sex with various people to numb undesirable emotions.
If you notice yourself engaging in unsafe or unhealthy behaviors, reach out to a friend or a professional counselor for support.
There’s a saying that you are the sum of the five people closest to you.
If those near and dear to you engage in unhealthy, self-destructive behaviors like using alcohol or drugs, engaging in risky sex, or gambling, you are more prone to do the same.
Carefully choosing your social group can make all the difference in the type of behaviors you do regularly.Make the choice to remove negative influences from your life.
Highlight those relationships that influence you to make positive decisions like going to work or school, setting goals, and treating your body well.
If you don’t have any positive influences, open yourself up to making new friends.
If you find that some people around you are negative influences, tell them, "I'm sorry, but we're going to have to stop spending time together.
I have been making unhealthy choices and I need to reevaluate many of my relationships."
Rather than turning to self-sabotaging behaviors, use your emotional pain for good by getting creative.
Exercising your inner creativity can help you channel negative feelings like rejection, disappointment, or hatred into positive activities like writing, painting, music, drama or any other art form.
Being creative can help you heal from feeling unloved and decrease feelings of stress or anxiety.Use your emotional pain as a stimulus to draw a picture or write a song.
Get out a fresh piece of paper and write a story.
Or, you can turn on some soothing music and dance out what you are feeling inside. , Sometimes the script running through your head all day can contribute to your mood.
If you are thinking negative thoughts like “Nobody cares about me” or “I will be alone forever,” then your self-talk is steering you down a dark and depressed path.
How you interpret situations and the world around you can make a big difference on how you feel.
Learn to identify and challenge negative thoughts in order to stop self-sabotaging behaviors.If you notice yourself feeling particularly low or blue, try to think back to what you have been telling yourself in your head.
Your thoughts are probably negative.
For example, if you say “Nobody cares about me” because none of your friends or family called you, you can challenge the evidence surrounding this thought.
Perform reality testing by asking yourself if your thoughts are facts or just your own interpretations.
If you can think of one person who does seem to care for you, then you automatically cancel out the validity of the statement.
Reframe negative thoughts to make them more positive and realistic.
You might say, “Sometimes, I feel like nobody cares for me.
Maybe if I called my loved ones instead of waiting on them to call, I wouldn’t feel like this.”
About the Author
Timothy Hall
A passionate writer with expertise in DIY projects topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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