How to Be a Better Person
Accept that this is a process., Determine your values., Examine what you believe about yourself., Examine your behavior thoroughly and honestly., Determine what changes you want to see., Set goals for yourself., Frame goals positively., Find a role...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Accept that this is a process.
“Becoming a better person” is a process that you will likely spend the rest of your life on, so accept the fact that it's going to take a long process to becoming a better person.
There isn’t one specific moment where you will finally have it all together and no longer have any room for growth.
Opening yourself up to the process of change and growth helps you develop flexibility, and flexibility is key to consistently being the type of person you want to be in each situation.Accept that your goals and values may change over time.
They may also change between situations.
This is normal. -
Step 2: Determine your values.
Even the best of intentions are unlikely to go anywhere unless you have a solid understanding of your values.“Values” are what you hold most important in life.
They are the core beliefs that shape who you are as a person, and how you live your life.Reflecting on your values will help you determine what is truly important to you.
For example, “being a good parent” or “spending time with friends” could be values.
These are things that help you define your sense of your best self. “Value congruence” is how much your behavior aligns with your values.
For example, if a value is “spending time with friends,” but you always allow work to take precedence over socializing, that isn’t value-congruent.
Behavior that isn’t value-congruent can cause you to feel dissatisfied, unhappy, or guilty., Our identities are also shaped by those around us.For example, psychological studies have repeatedly demonstrated that people begin learning prejudice at a very early age.These learned behaviors and beliefs affect the way we perceive ourselves and those around us.
Understanding where your ideas about yourself come from can help you modify unhelpful beliefs, and embrace the ones that make sense to you.
We also learn from others how to consider ourselves in relation to larger groups, such as race or gender.
These can be essential components of our own identity., Consider how you react to stress, how you cope with loss, how you manage your anger, how you treat your loved ones.
You have to understand how you are now before you can understand how to grow.
Once you’ve reflected on your behavior, you should have a better idea of the specific changes you’d like to make. , Try to be as specific as possible.
Rather than saying “I’d like to be a better friend,” break it down into parts.
What do you mean by that? Do you mean reaching out to others more often? Do you mean making yourself available to spend time together? Inventor and entrepreneur Steve Jobs said once that he asked himself the following question every morning: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” If he couldn’t answer “yes,” he decided to make changes.
This question could be helpful for you to ask, too.Keep your ideas about change reasonable.
If you’re a naturally introverted person, for example, it might not be effective or value-congruent for you to define “be a better person” as “go out to parties.” Instead, you could frame your change as something achievable and in line with what you know about yourself: “Practice saying hello to new people.” , If it helps, write them down on a piece of paper, or better yet, start a journal.
This will open up your introspective side, and allow you to better understand yourself from an objective standpoint.Journaling needs to be an active, reflective activity.
Simply writing down random thoughts is not likely to be very helpful.
Instead, write about situations you encounter, how they made you feel at the time, how you reacted, how you felt about them later, and what you think you could do differently.Here are some questions to get you started:
Is there a particular relationship with a loved one that you would like to improve? Would you like to become more philanthropic? Do you want to do more for the environment? Do you want to learn how to be a better spouse or partner? , Research has shown that you’re more likely to achieve your goals if they are framed as “positive” (something you will do) rather than negative (something you will stop doing).Framing your goals as negatives could lead to you being judgmental of yourself or feeling guilty over your progress.
Think about your goals as something you’re working towards, rather than something you’re moving away from.
For example, if you’ve decided you want to be more grateful, frame it positively: “I want to express my gratitude to people when they are kind to me.” Avoid framing it as a judgment on past behavior, such as “I want to stop being so ungrateful.” , Role models are a great source of inspiration, and their stories can make us feel strong when times get tough.
You might choose a religious figure, politician, or artist, or you might choose someone close to you whom you admire.
It is often more helpful to use people we know as role models.
If you only model your behavior on someone you have no interaction with, it can be easy to develop a distorted perception of them.
This could lead to unhealthy thinking about yourself.
Even Beyonce isn’t really flawless, after all.Role models don’t have to be world-changers.
Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa are incredibly inspiring figures, but they aren’t the only people whose behavior you can learn from.
It is often the small, everyday behaviors and ways of thinking that you can learn the most from.
So, for example, if one of your coworkers seems to be cheerful all the time, ask her why.
Ask how she thinks about life.
Ask what she does.
You might be surprised what you can learn if you only ask.
That isn’t to say that you can’t find inspiration in others’ stories.
Finding somebody whose story you can relate to can help you, especially if you do not have many role models in your own life.
Eminent astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson argues against the traditional idea of role models as someone you want to “be.” Instead, he suggests that you examine how those people got to where you want to get.
What books do they read? What paths did they choose? How is it that people get to wherever it is you want to be? Asking these questions and finding the answers will help you develop your own path, rather than trying to exactly copy someone else’s.Enjoy the rest of your life and remember to stay a good person😃😃!!! -
Step 3: Examine what you believe about yourself.
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Step 4: Examine your behavior thoroughly and honestly.
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Step 5: Determine what changes you want to see.
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Step 6: Set goals for yourself.
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Step 7: Frame goals positively.
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Step 8: Find a role model.
Detailed Guide
“Becoming a better person” is a process that you will likely spend the rest of your life on, so accept the fact that it's going to take a long process to becoming a better person.
There isn’t one specific moment where you will finally have it all together and no longer have any room for growth.
Opening yourself up to the process of change and growth helps you develop flexibility, and flexibility is key to consistently being the type of person you want to be in each situation.Accept that your goals and values may change over time.
They may also change between situations.
This is normal.
Even the best of intentions are unlikely to go anywhere unless you have a solid understanding of your values.“Values” are what you hold most important in life.
They are the core beliefs that shape who you are as a person, and how you live your life.Reflecting on your values will help you determine what is truly important to you.
For example, “being a good parent” or “spending time with friends” could be values.
These are things that help you define your sense of your best self. “Value congruence” is how much your behavior aligns with your values.
For example, if a value is “spending time with friends,” but you always allow work to take precedence over socializing, that isn’t value-congruent.
Behavior that isn’t value-congruent can cause you to feel dissatisfied, unhappy, or guilty., Our identities are also shaped by those around us.For example, psychological studies have repeatedly demonstrated that people begin learning prejudice at a very early age.These learned behaviors and beliefs affect the way we perceive ourselves and those around us.
Understanding where your ideas about yourself come from can help you modify unhelpful beliefs, and embrace the ones that make sense to you.
We also learn from others how to consider ourselves in relation to larger groups, such as race or gender.
These can be essential components of our own identity., Consider how you react to stress, how you cope with loss, how you manage your anger, how you treat your loved ones.
You have to understand how you are now before you can understand how to grow.
Once you’ve reflected on your behavior, you should have a better idea of the specific changes you’d like to make. , Try to be as specific as possible.
Rather than saying “I’d like to be a better friend,” break it down into parts.
What do you mean by that? Do you mean reaching out to others more often? Do you mean making yourself available to spend time together? Inventor and entrepreneur Steve Jobs said once that he asked himself the following question every morning: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” If he couldn’t answer “yes,” he decided to make changes.
This question could be helpful for you to ask, too.Keep your ideas about change reasonable.
If you’re a naturally introverted person, for example, it might not be effective or value-congruent for you to define “be a better person” as “go out to parties.” Instead, you could frame your change as something achievable and in line with what you know about yourself: “Practice saying hello to new people.” , If it helps, write them down on a piece of paper, or better yet, start a journal.
This will open up your introspective side, and allow you to better understand yourself from an objective standpoint.Journaling needs to be an active, reflective activity.
Simply writing down random thoughts is not likely to be very helpful.
Instead, write about situations you encounter, how they made you feel at the time, how you reacted, how you felt about them later, and what you think you could do differently.Here are some questions to get you started:
Is there a particular relationship with a loved one that you would like to improve? Would you like to become more philanthropic? Do you want to do more for the environment? Do you want to learn how to be a better spouse or partner? , Research has shown that you’re more likely to achieve your goals if they are framed as “positive” (something you will do) rather than negative (something you will stop doing).Framing your goals as negatives could lead to you being judgmental of yourself or feeling guilty over your progress.
Think about your goals as something you’re working towards, rather than something you’re moving away from.
For example, if you’ve decided you want to be more grateful, frame it positively: “I want to express my gratitude to people when they are kind to me.” Avoid framing it as a judgment on past behavior, such as “I want to stop being so ungrateful.” , Role models are a great source of inspiration, and their stories can make us feel strong when times get tough.
You might choose a religious figure, politician, or artist, or you might choose someone close to you whom you admire.
It is often more helpful to use people we know as role models.
If you only model your behavior on someone you have no interaction with, it can be easy to develop a distorted perception of them.
This could lead to unhealthy thinking about yourself.
Even Beyonce isn’t really flawless, after all.Role models don’t have to be world-changers.
Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa are incredibly inspiring figures, but they aren’t the only people whose behavior you can learn from.
It is often the small, everyday behaviors and ways of thinking that you can learn the most from.
So, for example, if one of your coworkers seems to be cheerful all the time, ask her why.
Ask how she thinks about life.
Ask what she does.
You might be surprised what you can learn if you only ask.
That isn’t to say that you can’t find inspiration in others’ stories.
Finding somebody whose story you can relate to can help you, especially if you do not have many role models in your own life.
Eminent astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson argues against the traditional idea of role models as someone you want to “be.” Instead, he suggests that you examine how those people got to where you want to get.
What books do they read? What paths did they choose? How is it that people get to wherever it is you want to be? Asking these questions and finding the answers will help you develop your own path, rather than trying to exactly copy someone else’s.Enjoy the rest of your life and remember to stay a good person😃😃!!!
About the Author
Ruth Mitchell
Specializes in breaking down complex practical skills topics into simple steps.
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