How to Be Average
Look around you., Dump any boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, or even (and especially) spouses who are outstandingly attractive, successful, radiant, or magnetic., Stop being cool., Stop doing interesting things., Try to develop a weekly schedule...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Look around you.
Who do you notice while on the bus or subway? Avoid those people you noticed.
They're noticeable because they are well above average, or far below.
Look to the person that is sitting in the corner napping.
There is your idol whom you must emulate. -
Step 2: Dump any boyfriends
Get someone who is worse but who does not suck.
Conversely, if your partner is exceedingly repulsive, sloppy, unsuccessful and/or smelly, upgrade to one who is better, but not excellent (use your subway idol as reference and/or marry them). , Social themes and phrases are generally to be avoided, but at the same time, do not be lame.
The key is live about 5 years behind the times.
That way all your catch-phrases will be well-known enough to go unnoticed. , Hang-gliding is a perfect example of what someone who was above average would do.
Stamp-collecting or bottle-cap collecting are both good substitutes.
Having too many hobbies can reduce your average persona.
One is often enough. , This includes meals, activities, and social events.
For example, Saturday could be meatloaf night.
This reduces unexpected surprises, enhancing your average persona.
Other good examples to include into your schedule are game night, leftover night, and tv dinner night. , Generally Walmart is a good choice for pretty much everything you need ever.
K-mart is also good, but K-mart is weirder than Walmart.
What does the K stand for anyway? Do not look it up as trivia is a known average reducer. , Jeans and a t-shirt are an excellent choice.
You don't really need any other clothes.
Why do people even need anything else? Jeans and t-shirts are so practical and cheap.
Wear them as much as possible. , Have an explanation ready if someone notices something peculiar about your behavior. "Trying to lose a few pounds" is a good choice for increasing both superficiality and decreasing the allure of your personality.
If the explanation you've prepared does not fit their inquiry, use it as planned, and pretend you didn't hear them if they question further. , You generally only have to do this once per neighbor or even once per neighborhood.
This is too decrease any antisocial images they may have of you, while giving you an opportunity to show them how normal you are.
Avoid interesting topics of conversation.
Power tools or the price of gas are good conversation topics for men, while shampoo of choice, and being thrifty at the grocery store are good choices for women.
If they would like (it is unlikely) to follow up with another one "soon"
politely agree but never put any effort into actually following up. -
Step 3: girlfriends
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Step 4: partners
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Step 5: or even (and especially) spouses who are outstandingly attractive
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Step 6: successful
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Step 7: radiant
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Step 8: or magnetic.
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Step 9: Stop being cool.
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Step 10: Stop doing interesting things.
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Step 11: Try to develop a weekly schedule.
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Step 12: Do not go to trendy stores.
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Step 13: Buy clothes that do not stand out.
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Step 14: Average people often have some depth to them
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Step 15: but it is only skin deep.
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Step 16: Invite your neighbors over for a barbecue.
Detailed Guide
Who do you notice while on the bus or subway? Avoid those people you noticed.
They're noticeable because they are well above average, or far below.
Look to the person that is sitting in the corner napping.
There is your idol whom you must emulate.
Get someone who is worse but who does not suck.
Conversely, if your partner is exceedingly repulsive, sloppy, unsuccessful and/or smelly, upgrade to one who is better, but not excellent (use your subway idol as reference and/or marry them). , Social themes and phrases are generally to be avoided, but at the same time, do not be lame.
The key is live about 5 years behind the times.
That way all your catch-phrases will be well-known enough to go unnoticed. , Hang-gliding is a perfect example of what someone who was above average would do.
Stamp-collecting or bottle-cap collecting are both good substitutes.
Having too many hobbies can reduce your average persona.
One is often enough. , This includes meals, activities, and social events.
For example, Saturday could be meatloaf night.
This reduces unexpected surprises, enhancing your average persona.
Other good examples to include into your schedule are game night, leftover night, and tv dinner night. , Generally Walmart is a good choice for pretty much everything you need ever.
K-mart is also good, but K-mart is weirder than Walmart.
What does the K stand for anyway? Do not look it up as trivia is a known average reducer. , Jeans and a t-shirt are an excellent choice.
You don't really need any other clothes.
Why do people even need anything else? Jeans and t-shirts are so practical and cheap.
Wear them as much as possible. , Have an explanation ready if someone notices something peculiar about your behavior. "Trying to lose a few pounds" is a good choice for increasing both superficiality and decreasing the allure of your personality.
If the explanation you've prepared does not fit their inquiry, use it as planned, and pretend you didn't hear them if they question further. , You generally only have to do this once per neighbor or even once per neighborhood.
This is too decrease any antisocial images they may have of you, while giving you an opportunity to show them how normal you are.
Avoid interesting topics of conversation.
Power tools or the price of gas are good conversation topics for men, while shampoo of choice, and being thrifty at the grocery store are good choices for women.
If they would like (it is unlikely) to follow up with another one "soon"
politely agree but never put any effort into actually following up.
About the Author
Laura Ferguson
Writer and educator with a focus on practical practical skills knowledge.
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