How to Be in Control
Calm yourself in the moment., Take stock of what needs to be done., Lead others.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Calm yourself in the moment.
If you are upset and you start losing control of your behavior, quickly take steps to master yourself.
Pick a few ways to calm down and practice them when you're by yourself.
That way, you'll know exactly what to do in a critical moment.
Take a deep breath and slowly exhale.
Wait before speaking or moving—consider counting to ten.
Say your own name, aloud or in your head.If your name is Sean, you might say "Sean, calm down." -
Step 2: Take stock of what needs to be done.
Form a quick plan to address it.
Don’t get distracted by details or by your emotional reaction.
Think of what needs to be done and sketch an immediate game plan.
By yourself, this will help you feel in control and capable of facing the situation.
In a group situation, if you are the first one to propose a plan everyone else will generally follow your lead.
For instance, say your team is planning an outdoor picnic for work and everyone is assuming that the team's only female member will do all the event planning, even though she did it last time.
Calm down, then think "I need to intervene before Sarah gets stuck doing all the work.
I also need to not offend my coworkers, who tend to retaliate when they are called out for sexism.
I can start by volunteering myself, and then try to get others to volunteer for tasks."
When something needs to be planned, or when immediate action is needed, step up.
Tell yourself "I can do this." Think of the things you can immediately control.
For instance, if you need to plan an outdoors event, you can't control the weather, but you can control the location and the date.If you are the person most capable of leading others through a situation, speak up.
Assert your authority.
Speak loudly and clearly, and explain why you are the person who can best handle the situation.
You might say, "I would be happy to oversee the planning of this event.
I worked for an event planner for two years and I learned the basics.
I also know this area well." Delegate.
Ask others to take on tasks that they are well equipped to handle.
For instance, if Andre knows the most about local restaurants, ask him to arrange the catering.
If you are in a shared situation and do not believe you are the one who can best lead others through it, call on the person you think is most capable. -
Step 3: Lead others.
Detailed Guide
If you are upset and you start losing control of your behavior, quickly take steps to master yourself.
Pick a few ways to calm down and practice them when you're by yourself.
That way, you'll know exactly what to do in a critical moment.
Take a deep breath and slowly exhale.
Wait before speaking or moving—consider counting to ten.
Say your own name, aloud or in your head.If your name is Sean, you might say "Sean, calm down."
Form a quick plan to address it.
Don’t get distracted by details or by your emotional reaction.
Think of what needs to be done and sketch an immediate game plan.
By yourself, this will help you feel in control and capable of facing the situation.
In a group situation, if you are the first one to propose a plan everyone else will generally follow your lead.
For instance, say your team is planning an outdoor picnic for work and everyone is assuming that the team's only female member will do all the event planning, even though she did it last time.
Calm down, then think "I need to intervene before Sarah gets stuck doing all the work.
I also need to not offend my coworkers, who tend to retaliate when they are called out for sexism.
I can start by volunteering myself, and then try to get others to volunteer for tasks."
When something needs to be planned, or when immediate action is needed, step up.
Tell yourself "I can do this." Think of the things you can immediately control.
For instance, if you need to plan an outdoors event, you can't control the weather, but you can control the location and the date.If you are the person most capable of leading others through a situation, speak up.
Assert your authority.
Speak loudly and clearly, and explain why you are the person who can best handle the situation.
You might say, "I would be happy to oversee the planning of this event.
I worked for an event planner for two years and I learned the basics.
I also know this area well." Delegate.
Ask others to take on tasks that they are well equipped to handle.
For instance, if Andre knows the most about local restaurants, ask him to arrange the catering.
If you are in a shared situation and do not believe you are the one who can best lead others through it, call on the person you think is most capable.
About the Author
Jeffrey Wilson
Brings years of experience writing about practical skills and related subjects.
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