How to Be More Thoughtful
Acknowledge those around you., Anticipate the needs of others., Gather information about people in your life., Mark important events., Ask permission when your actions involve others.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Acknowledge those around you.
Always greet the people you share space with when you become aware of their presence.
Even if you feel tired or shy, make the effort to acknowledge that others exist, and that you exist with them.
When you enter a room, say hello to everyone within.
Make eye contact, and smile if you are up to it.
When someone else enters a room you are in, do the same.
If you and they have a moment, ask how they are and share how you are in return.
Use everyone's name, and make sure you know how to pronounce it.
Say goodbye when you leave or when someone exits a space you are in.
If you bump someone, apologize.
Acknowledge the needs of those you share space with.
If there is food to share, take a proportionate amount.
Ask real questions.
When you chat with someone, ask them specific questions about their life.
If you get a friendly answer to a question, ask follow up questions.
Try to learn how someone lives, what is most important to them, and what they enjoy over the course of your conversations.
If you pick up on how someone is feeling, acknowledge it! Ask how they are.
If they seem upset, ask if there's something you can do.
If they seem happy, say they seem well and ask if they're having a good day.
Acknowledge moments of difficulty and moments of celebration in the lives of those around you.
Offer sympathy when someone is unhappy, and warm congratulations when they achieve something. -
Step 2: Anticipate the needs of others.
It's great to help when asked, but it's even more thoughtful to anticipate the kind of help that would make the biggest difference in a moment.
If your partner is coming home with groceries, meet them outside to help carry the bags into the house.
If your coworker has a flight at an early hour, you might offer to drive them to the airport.
If someone you know is going through something difficult or labor-intensive, think of a way to help relieve them of ordinary activities.If you learn, for instance, that your friend is finishing a big grant proposal over the weekend, offer to bring her a meal or to watch her kids.
Organize with others who might also want to help.
If someone you know is going through a health crisis, get in touch with their closest friends and organize a meal train so that they don't have to cook.
With some thoughtful attention, you can become an expert on the needs of your loved ones.
For instance, you may be the only person who understands a close friend's moods—when she starts making tons of exciting plans, you may be the only one who can anticipate that she will overbook herself and burn out, and the only person close enough to remind her that she may be attempting too much at once. , When you learn something about someone in your life, make a mental note of it.
This is material that you can return to when you wish to act in a thoughtful way.
Listen actively.
Pay attention to people who speak to you.
Show that you are listening by nodding occasionally, reacting with your face, asking questions, and occasionally repeating what is said to make sure you have it right.Write things down.
If you learn something you think you may forget, such as the date of a friend's upcoming surgery, write it down in your calendar so that you can send them a card or check up on them when the time comes.
Consider keeping a birthday calendar—write the birthdays of everyone you know on a calendar, and update it with the birthdays of new babies and new acquaintances.
This should be separate from your yearly calendar, as you will refer to it year after year. , When something important happens in the life of someone you know, mark the occasion.
Write cards, call, or send flowers or another gift.
If you're only casually acquainted, you might comment on social media or just make a note to yourself to say something when you see them.If you know that your friend prefers one form of contact to another, it is thoughtful of you to respond in that way.
Write cards.
Write thank-you cards, condolence cards, birthday cards, retirement, birth-of-child, thinking-of-you, and graduation cards.
It may seem fussy, but they really do make people feel good.
Write someone a card, and consider giving them a call as well.
You don't have to buy occasion-specific cards each time: keep a few packs of blank-inside beautiful cards around the house, and write a personal message inside that is appropriate to the occasion.
One cheerful pattern and one calming pattern is all you need: send cheerful cards for birthdays, graduations, and other good news, and send the calming image for condolence cards and other more sober moments.
It is perfectly appropriate to send a card when someone is sick, has lost a job, or is otherwise struggling with personal or familial hardship.
It may feel awkward to mark a sad or complex moment, but it will feel more awkward later when you see the person and don't know what to say face to face. , It's thoughtful to consider how your acts will make others feel.
Even if it isn't clear how much your act will ultimately affect another, it is still thoughtful to consider that they might want to have some say.
For instance, if you have a funny experience with a friend, ask their permission before you tell the story to others.
Get consent before touching someone.
Even a hug or a friendly pat on the back can feel uncomfortable for some people, and others just want to be asked before they are touched.Even kids deserve this sort of consideration.
Ask your child before you post her picture on social media—she may want to keep it in the family instead. -
Step 3: Gather information about people in your life.
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Step 4: Mark important events.
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Step 5: Ask permission when your actions involve others.
Detailed Guide
Always greet the people you share space with when you become aware of their presence.
Even if you feel tired or shy, make the effort to acknowledge that others exist, and that you exist with them.
When you enter a room, say hello to everyone within.
Make eye contact, and smile if you are up to it.
When someone else enters a room you are in, do the same.
If you and they have a moment, ask how they are and share how you are in return.
Use everyone's name, and make sure you know how to pronounce it.
Say goodbye when you leave or when someone exits a space you are in.
If you bump someone, apologize.
Acknowledge the needs of those you share space with.
If there is food to share, take a proportionate amount.
Ask real questions.
When you chat with someone, ask them specific questions about their life.
If you get a friendly answer to a question, ask follow up questions.
Try to learn how someone lives, what is most important to them, and what they enjoy over the course of your conversations.
If you pick up on how someone is feeling, acknowledge it! Ask how they are.
If they seem upset, ask if there's something you can do.
If they seem happy, say they seem well and ask if they're having a good day.
Acknowledge moments of difficulty and moments of celebration in the lives of those around you.
Offer sympathy when someone is unhappy, and warm congratulations when they achieve something.
It's great to help when asked, but it's even more thoughtful to anticipate the kind of help that would make the biggest difference in a moment.
If your partner is coming home with groceries, meet them outside to help carry the bags into the house.
If your coworker has a flight at an early hour, you might offer to drive them to the airport.
If someone you know is going through something difficult or labor-intensive, think of a way to help relieve them of ordinary activities.If you learn, for instance, that your friend is finishing a big grant proposal over the weekend, offer to bring her a meal or to watch her kids.
Organize with others who might also want to help.
If someone you know is going through a health crisis, get in touch with their closest friends and organize a meal train so that they don't have to cook.
With some thoughtful attention, you can become an expert on the needs of your loved ones.
For instance, you may be the only person who understands a close friend's moods—when she starts making tons of exciting plans, you may be the only one who can anticipate that she will overbook herself and burn out, and the only person close enough to remind her that she may be attempting too much at once. , When you learn something about someone in your life, make a mental note of it.
This is material that you can return to when you wish to act in a thoughtful way.
Listen actively.
Pay attention to people who speak to you.
Show that you are listening by nodding occasionally, reacting with your face, asking questions, and occasionally repeating what is said to make sure you have it right.Write things down.
If you learn something you think you may forget, such as the date of a friend's upcoming surgery, write it down in your calendar so that you can send them a card or check up on them when the time comes.
Consider keeping a birthday calendar—write the birthdays of everyone you know on a calendar, and update it with the birthdays of new babies and new acquaintances.
This should be separate from your yearly calendar, as you will refer to it year after year. , When something important happens in the life of someone you know, mark the occasion.
Write cards, call, or send flowers or another gift.
If you're only casually acquainted, you might comment on social media or just make a note to yourself to say something when you see them.If you know that your friend prefers one form of contact to another, it is thoughtful of you to respond in that way.
Write cards.
Write thank-you cards, condolence cards, birthday cards, retirement, birth-of-child, thinking-of-you, and graduation cards.
It may seem fussy, but they really do make people feel good.
Write someone a card, and consider giving them a call as well.
You don't have to buy occasion-specific cards each time: keep a few packs of blank-inside beautiful cards around the house, and write a personal message inside that is appropriate to the occasion.
One cheerful pattern and one calming pattern is all you need: send cheerful cards for birthdays, graduations, and other good news, and send the calming image for condolence cards and other more sober moments.
It is perfectly appropriate to send a card when someone is sick, has lost a job, or is otherwise struggling with personal or familial hardship.
It may feel awkward to mark a sad or complex moment, but it will feel more awkward later when you see the person and don't know what to say face to face. , It's thoughtful to consider how your acts will make others feel.
Even if it isn't clear how much your act will ultimately affect another, it is still thoughtful to consider that they might want to have some say.
For instance, if you have a funny experience with a friend, ask their permission before you tell the story to others.
Get consent before touching someone.
Even a hug or a friendly pat on the back can feel uncomfortable for some people, and others just want to be asked before they are touched.Even kids deserve this sort of consideration.
Ask your child before you post her picture on social media—she may want to keep it in the family instead.
About the Author
Alexander Morgan
A passionate writer with expertise in crafts topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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