How to Be Outgoing
Say thank you in public., Make eye contact., Introduce yourself., Ask open-ended questions., Give compliments., Search for a common interest., Pay attention to what excites people., Chat up your coworkers., End on a high note., Talk to anyone and...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Say thank you in public.
You might see some of the same people every day, but never acknowledge them.
To become outgoing, it is important to start acknowledging the people around you more often.
The next time you order a coffee or check out at the grocery store, smile at the person helping you.
Make eye contact and say, "thank you." This small gesture will help you become more comfortable interacting with others, and it will probably make the other person's day a little brighter.A little compliment can also go a long way, especially in service situations.
Remember that your grocery clerk or barista serves hundreds of people a day, many of whom probably either ignore them or are rude.
Say something like, "Wow, thanks for getting that to me so quickly" to show your appreciation. -
Step 2: Make eye contact.
If you're in a social situation, such as at a party, try to make eye contact with the other people there.
Once you've established eye contact, give the other person a friendly smile.
If the other person holds your gaze, then go over to them and introduce yourself.
If the person smiles back at you, then that is also a good sign.
If the person does not respond, let them go their way.
There's a difference between being "outgoing" and "pushy." You don't want to force interaction on someone who isn't interested.
Keep in mind that this approach doesn't work well in situations where people do not expect to be approached, such as while riding public transit.
Part of being outgoing is knowing when and where to approach others and when to keep to yourself. , You don’t have to be a suave charmer to be friendly and outgoing.
Maybe try introducing yourself by saying you’re new to the area, or offering a compliment to the other person.
Look for other “wallflowers.” You may not be comfortable jumping straight from “shy” to “social butterfly.” If you’re at a social function, try looking for other people who appear to be shy or holding back.
Chances are, they feel as uncomfortable as you do.
They’ll probably be happy that you made the first move to say “hello.” Be friendly, but not pushy.
Once you’ve introduced yourself and asked a question or two, move on if the other person seems disinterested. , One way to be more outgoing in your conversations with others is to ask them open-ended questions.
These questions invite others to respond with more than a “yes” or “no.” It’s easier to start up a chat with someone new if you invite them to share about themselves.If you've already exchanged eye contact and smiles with someone, and you're close by, start off with a question.
Here are some ideas:
How do you like that book/magazine? What is your favorite thing to do around here? Where did you find that awesome t-shirt? , If you're interested in people, you're bound to notice little things that you like or appreciate.
You can acknowledge these things with a compliment.
Just make sure that your compliments are genuine.
People can tell when compliments are not sincere.
Think of something like:
I've read that book.
Great choice! I love those shoes.
They go great with that skirt.
Is that a hazelnut latte? Nice
-- that's my go-to every Monday morning. , First conversations between people are all about what the two parties have in common.
In order to find out what you can talk about, you may have to probe for things you have in common.
If you work together or have mutual friends or have anything that links you together, it should be a bit easier.
Talking about work, your mutual friend, or your common interest will open up further topics of discussion.
If this person is a stranger, you could use the situation to help you come up with something to talk about.
For example, if you're in a bookstore, you could ask someone for a favorite reading recommendation.
If you're both stuck in a long line, you could make a joke about it.
Be careful to avoid comments that sound judgmental.
For example, you could say you love the person's haircut and then ask where s/he got it done.
Or you could say that you've been looking for a pair of sneakers like the ones the other person's wearing, and ask where s/he got them.
Avoid things that are likely to seem offensive, such as comments on the person's size, skin color, or physical attractiveness. , If person A is dead set on talking about thermodynamics and person B is dead set on talking about Italian coffee, then the conversation isn't going to go anywhere.
One of these people has to latch on to the other person's interests.
Take the initiative and be that person.
When you're making small talk, try to notice when the other person perks up.
You'll be able to hear it and see it.
Their face will be more expressive (and so will their voice) and you'll probably see movement in their body. , If you have a job, chances are you have an environment with built-in social contact if you make a little effort.
Find a place where people tend to congregate, such as the break room or a coworker’s cubicle.
The water cooler isn’t the place for heated topics, like religion or politics.
Instead, try engaging people by remarking on popular culture or sports.
While people often have strong opinions about these subjects too, they’re a safer bet to keep a conversation friendly.
Being outgoing at work can be important.
By being more outgoing, people will perceive you as more friendly and positive.Networking and chatting at work can also help you get the recognition at work that you deserve. , Leave the other person wanting more.
A good way to accomplish this is by leaving the door open for future interaction.
Be gracious in exiting the conversation, so that the other person doesn’t feel as though you’ve ditched them.For example, if you’ve been talking about your dogs together, ask about a good local dog park.
If the other person responds positively, you could invite them to bring their dog to the park too: “Have you ever been to the dog park off Baxter Road? I haven't.
What would you think of going together next Saturday?” Making a specific invitation is more effective than “let’s get together sometime” because it shows that you’re not just being polite.
Once you’ve finished the conversation, wrap up by restating a main point you discussed.
This will help the other person feel like you were listening to them.
For example: “Good luck with that marathon on Sunday! I’d love to hear all about it next week.” End by affirming that you enjoyed the conversation. “It was really nice talking with you” or “It was so nice to meet you” help the other person feel valued. , After you become a bit more comfortable talking to people you know, try talking to new people as you go through your day.
At first you might feel uncomfortable talking with people you don’t know and who you might not normally approach.
But the more you approach people and get comfortable with making conversation, the easier it will become. -
Step 3: Introduce yourself.
-
Step 4: Ask open-ended questions.
-
Step 5: Give compliments.
-
Step 6: Search for a common interest.
-
Step 7: Pay attention to what excites people.
-
Step 8: Chat up your coworkers.
-
Step 9: End on a high note.
-
Step 10: Talk to anyone and everyone.
Detailed Guide
You might see some of the same people every day, but never acknowledge them.
To become outgoing, it is important to start acknowledging the people around you more often.
The next time you order a coffee or check out at the grocery store, smile at the person helping you.
Make eye contact and say, "thank you." This small gesture will help you become more comfortable interacting with others, and it will probably make the other person's day a little brighter.A little compliment can also go a long way, especially in service situations.
Remember that your grocery clerk or barista serves hundreds of people a day, many of whom probably either ignore them or are rude.
Say something like, "Wow, thanks for getting that to me so quickly" to show your appreciation.
If you're in a social situation, such as at a party, try to make eye contact with the other people there.
Once you've established eye contact, give the other person a friendly smile.
If the other person holds your gaze, then go over to them and introduce yourself.
If the person smiles back at you, then that is also a good sign.
If the person does not respond, let them go their way.
There's a difference between being "outgoing" and "pushy." You don't want to force interaction on someone who isn't interested.
Keep in mind that this approach doesn't work well in situations where people do not expect to be approached, such as while riding public transit.
Part of being outgoing is knowing when and where to approach others and when to keep to yourself. , You don’t have to be a suave charmer to be friendly and outgoing.
Maybe try introducing yourself by saying you’re new to the area, or offering a compliment to the other person.
Look for other “wallflowers.” You may not be comfortable jumping straight from “shy” to “social butterfly.” If you’re at a social function, try looking for other people who appear to be shy or holding back.
Chances are, they feel as uncomfortable as you do.
They’ll probably be happy that you made the first move to say “hello.” Be friendly, but not pushy.
Once you’ve introduced yourself and asked a question or two, move on if the other person seems disinterested. , One way to be more outgoing in your conversations with others is to ask them open-ended questions.
These questions invite others to respond with more than a “yes” or “no.” It’s easier to start up a chat with someone new if you invite them to share about themselves.If you've already exchanged eye contact and smiles with someone, and you're close by, start off with a question.
Here are some ideas:
How do you like that book/magazine? What is your favorite thing to do around here? Where did you find that awesome t-shirt? , If you're interested in people, you're bound to notice little things that you like or appreciate.
You can acknowledge these things with a compliment.
Just make sure that your compliments are genuine.
People can tell when compliments are not sincere.
Think of something like:
I've read that book.
Great choice! I love those shoes.
They go great with that skirt.
Is that a hazelnut latte? Nice
-- that's my go-to every Monday morning. , First conversations between people are all about what the two parties have in common.
In order to find out what you can talk about, you may have to probe for things you have in common.
If you work together or have mutual friends or have anything that links you together, it should be a bit easier.
Talking about work, your mutual friend, or your common interest will open up further topics of discussion.
If this person is a stranger, you could use the situation to help you come up with something to talk about.
For example, if you're in a bookstore, you could ask someone for a favorite reading recommendation.
If you're both stuck in a long line, you could make a joke about it.
Be careful to avoid comments that sound judgmental.
For example, you could say you love the person's haircut and then ask where s/he got it done.
Or you could say that you've been looking for a pair of sneakers like the ones the other person's wearing, and ask where s/he got them.
Avoid things that are likely to seem offensive, such as comments on the person's size, skin color, or physical attractiveness. , If person A is dead set on talking about thermodynamics and person B is dead set on talking about Italian coffee, then the conversation isn't going to go anywhere.
One of these people has to latch on to the other person's interests.
Take the initiative and be that person.
When you're making small talk, try to notice when the other person perks up.
You'll be able to hear it and see it.
Their face will be more expressive (and so will their voice) and you'll probably see movement in their body. , If you have a job, chances are you have an environment with built-in social contact if you make a little effort.
Find a place where people tend to congregate, such as the break room or a coworker’s cubicle.
The water cooler isn’t the place for heated topics, like religion or politics.
Instead, try engaging people by remarking on popular culture or sports.
While people often have strong opinions about these subjects too, they’re a safer bet to keep a conversation friendly.
Being outgoing at work can be important.
By being more outgoing, people will perceive you as more friendly and positive.Networking and chatting at work can also help you get the recognition at work that you deserve. , Leave the other person wanting more.
A good way to accomplish this is by leaving the door open for future interaction.
Be gracious in exiting the conversation, so that the other person doesn’t feel as though you’ve ditched them.For example, if you’ve been talking about your dogs together, ask about a good local dog park.
If the other person responds positively, you could invite them to bring their dog to the park too: “Have you ever been to the dog park off Baxter Road? I haven't.
What would you think of going together next Saturday?” Making a specific invitation is more effective than “let’s get together sometime” because it shows that you’re not just being polite.
Once you’ve finished the conversation, wrap up by restating a main point you discussed.
This will help the other person feel like you were listening to them.
For example: “Good luck with that marathon on Sunday! I’d love to hear all about it next week.” End by affirming that you enjoyed the conversation. “It was really nice talking with you” or “It was so nice to meet you” help the other person feel valued. , After you become a bit more comfortable talking to people you know, try talking to new people as you go through your day.
At first you might feel uncomfortable talking with people you don’t know and who you might not normally approach.
But the more you approach people and get comfortable with making conversation, the easier it will become.
About the Author
Christina Reed
Experienced content creator specializing in hobbies guides and tutorials.
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