How to Break a Trauma Bond

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Write a story about the relationship.

   Gaining some perspective on an abusive or dysfunctional relationship can be helpful when you are trying to break a trauma bond.
   
   One way that you can do this is by writing story about your relationship.Write the story in the third person, such as by calling yourself by your proper name.
   
   For example, if your name is Janet, then refer to yourself as Janet in the story.
   
   Tell the story of the relationship from beginning to end.
   
   Try to include information about the highs and lows of the relationship.
   
   For example, you might say something like, “Janet and Bill were a happy loving couple at first, but then Bill started to hit her when he became frustrated with her or when he had a bad day.” Share the story with a close friend or with your therapist when you are finished.
   
   Reading the story may be therapeutic and it will give you a chance to talk about some of the things you have experienced.
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   Step 2: Ask questions about your relationship.

   Another way that you can examine your relationship is to ask and answer certain questions about it.
   
   You can also ask and answer questions about your ideal relationship so that you can compare what you currently have with what you would like to have.
   
   Some questions you might ask yourself include:
   What do I want from a relationship? What kind of person would I like to be bonded to? How does my current relationship affect me? Am I being valued in this relationship? If not, then what is the other person doing to devalue me? What am I doing to devalue me? In what ways do I overreact and/or under-react in this relationship? , Another important factor in breaking a trauma bond is making a commitment to stop trying to change the person you are bonded to.
   
   You may feel as though you can explain your feelings to this person and get them to change their behavior, but this is not realistic thinking.Think about how often you have tried to explain your perspective to the other person.
   
   Or perhaps you have tried to write letters to the person to explain your feelings and perspective.
   
   These are normal behaviors in a trauma bonded relationship, but it is unlikely that these measures will be effective.
   
   Acknowledge that you cannot control how the other person feels, thinks, or acts.
   
   You can only control your actions and words.
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   Step 3: Examine your attempts to change the person.

Detailed Guide

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