How to Care for a Dying Person
Respect their wishes even if you don't agree with them., Give them things to look forward to – on a daily basis., Do more of what the dying person enjoys, not what you enjoy., Stay positive, and above all, avoid arguing with the person.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Respect their wishes even if you don't agree with them.
Whether they want painful care that seems almost hopeless or they don’t, or whatever else they are requesting, you should respect the wishes of the dying in almost all cases.
Allow them some sense of control in their last days.
If there is nothing medically to be done, or they don’t want a very painful regimen with limited chances of success, respect their desires.
If a certain medicine has an annoying side effect, it´s okay if you want to tell them why it´s important for you, as a loved one, that they take the medicine.
Don´t tell them they have to take it, though, and ultimately respect that it's their call.
If the dying person doesn't want visitors, don't visit and don't make arrangements for other visitors.
Allow them to be alone if that's what they want.
You can try to lift their spirits up, but there will probably be times they need to feel sad or even sorry for themselves.
Be kind and patient at such times. -
Step 2: Give them things to look forward to – on a daily basis.
Make sure the conversation isn’t always about death and dying.
Rather than focusing on their lack of a future, make the present as good as possible.
Give them something to enjoy every day.
Keep their hopes focused on immediate gratifications that make "living as long as possible" motivating.
Give them a few daily.
Talk about nice things that you can do together the next day, even if it's just a quiet visit or maybe reading another chapter in a book together.
If he or she does not have many food restrictions, talk about something nice you can have for breakfast of lunch; if there are food restrictions, mention the Sunday comic strips from the newspaper or something like that.
If you don´t live together, set a date for your next visit, and make sure that date is not too far away. , If he or she likes music you hate, let them listen to it.
If he or she loves a certain book or poem, read it to them.
Finish the dying person's bucket list.
If he/she has a bucket list or wish list, help them get their wishes to come true.
You don't want a dying person to die with regrets.
Don't be sad or depressed.
If you are sad, he or she will be sad, and when the person dies, he or she will want you to live happily.
It's okay to be a little sad, but a lot of sadness will not help you at all.
And it doesn't help them.
Keep their final days filled with joy as much as possible.
Enjoy most of your time together.
Caring for someone can be difficult.
If you're not leaving at least a daily moment for both of you to enjoy, resentment builds up.
Have a daily moment that reminds you why you are caring for this person.
Never do it "because I have to, and nobody else will." If the dying person is too sick, weak or upset to do anything with you, avoid putting additional pressure on the person.
This will likely exacerbate his or her symptoms. , Dying people are sometimes crabby or even cruel, since they may be responding in fear of the dying process or just physical pain.
Don’t take the bait.
Even when you feel frustrated by the dying person's actions, avoid getting into arguments that you will regret to remember someday.
Ensure that you remain strong and positive in front of them despite their physical and mental state.
This ensures they remain calm and content without having the emotional upset of worrying and upsetting you.
Don't fight them, even if they are wrong.
If they are asking you to do something that can't be done, say yes, try, and fail.
They need to feel like they can still suggest, and control a few things.
Agree for anything that is not a life or death situation.
If it is life or death, maybe agree, and then say you just couldn't, and you´re sorry.
Arguing will just be tiresome for you. -
Step 3: Do more of what the dying person enjoys
-
Step 4: not what you enjoy.
-
Step 5: Stay positive
-
Step 6: and above all
-
Step 7: avoid arguing with the person.
Detailed Guide
Whether they want painful care that seems almost hopeless or they don’t, or whatever else they are requesting, you should respect the wishes of the dying in almost all cases.
Allow them some sense of control in their last days.
If there is nothing medically to be done, or they don’t want a very painful regimen with limited chances of success, respect their desires.
If a certain medicine has an annoying side effect, it´s okay if you want to tell them why it´s important for you, as a loved one, that they take the medicine.
Don´t tell them they have to take it, though, and ultimately respect that it's their call.
If the dying person doesn't want visitors, don't visit and don't make arrangements for other visitors.
Allow them to be alone if that's what they want.
You can try to lift their spirits up, but there will probably be times they need to feel sad or even sorry for themselves.
Be kind and patient at such times.
Make sure the conversation isn’t always about death and dying.
Rather than focusing on their lack of a future, make the present as good as possible.
Give them something to enjoy every day.
Keep their hopes focused on immediate gratifications that make "living as long as possible" motivating.
Give them a few daily.
Talk about nice things that you can do together the next day, even if it's just a quiet visit or maybe reading another chapter in a book together.
If he or she does not have many food restrictions, talk about something nice you can have for breakfast of lunch; if there are food restrictions, mention the Sunday comic strips from the newspaper or something like that.
If you don´t live together, set a date for your next visit, and make sure that date is not too far away. , If he or she likes music you hate, let them listen to it.
If he or she loves a certain book or poem, read it to them.
Finish the dying person's bucket list.
If he/she has a bucket list or wish list, help them get their wishes to come true.
You don't want a dying person to die with regrets.
Don't be sad or depressed.
If you are sad, he or she will be sad, and when the person dies, he or she will want you to live happily.
It's okay to be a little sad, but a lot of sadness will not help you at all.
And it doesn't help them.
Keep their final days filled with joy as much as possible.
Enjoy most of your time together.
Caring for someone can be difficult.
If you're not leaving at least a daily moment for both of you to enjoy, resentment builds up.
Have a daily moment that reminds you why you are caring for this person.
Never do it "because I have to, and nobody else will." If the dying person is too sick, weak or upset to do anything with you, avoid putting additional pressure on the person.
This will likely exacerbate his or her symptoms. , Dying people are sometimes crabby or even cruel, since they may be responding in fear of the dying process or just physical pain.
Don’t take the bait.
Even when you feel frustrated by the dying person's actions, avoid getting into arguments that you will regret to remember someday.
Ensure that you remain strong and positive in front of them despite their physical and mental state.
This ensures they remain calm and content without having the emotional upset of worrying and upsetting you.
Don't fight them, even if they are wrong.
If they are asking you to do something that can't be done, say yes, try, and fail.
They need to feel like they can still suggest, and control a few things.
Agree for anything that is not a life or death situation.
If it is life or death, maybe agree, and then say you just couldn't, and you´re sorry.
Arguing will just be tiresome for you.
About the Author
Dennis Howard
Specializes in breaking down complex practical skills topics into simple steps.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: