How to Change Who You Are
Decide what you want to change., Prioritize what you want to change., Use a reminder to trigger your new habit., Repeat your new habit as often as possible., Think about changing your habit in terms of one day at a time., Take it easy., Keep it...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Decide what you want to change.
If you want to change who you are, consider the habits you do every day.
What habits do you want to change? Developing new habits means letting go of old habits.
For example, if you would like to make friends, but are shy and rarely go outside your ordinary routine, you might need to consider finding new habits that include other people.If you are typically anxious and fearful, consider how your habits might contribute to your fears.
Many people report that taking a break from social media results in more happiness.
Start small.
It will be easier to make small changes than large ones. -
Step 2: Prioritize what you want to change.
If you want to be healthier, change a habit that brings multiple benefits.
For example, if you want to be healthier, a good habit to change would be to stop smoking.
This will help you be healthier, allow for easier exercise, and you'll spend less money.You can replace a bad habit with a good one.
If you notice yourself starting to engage in the negative behavior, no matter what it is, consider what you can do instead.
Consider the kind of person you want to become, then think of all the habits that this new person might want to include in her life.
What would be an easy habit to change? This might be a good one to start with.
The basic rule to remember is that you should start either with an easy habit to change or with a habit that's causing a great deal of negativity.
You can decide which one to start with. , No matter how good your intentions, if you're trying to use motivation and memory to pick up a new habit, you won't get far.
A good reminder doesn't rely on motivation or memory, but rather piggy-backs on an existing good habit.So, if you're trying to improve your skin by moisturizing before bed every night, start moisturizing right after you wash your face, something you already do each night.
Soon, the act of washing your face will trigger you to apply your moisturizer., It can take a long time to learn a new habit — from 15 days to
254.Repetition is necessary to make a new habit stick.
Even if you become discouraged, keep pushing forward.
If you are struggling, consider a new, or easier, trigger for the new habit. , Even though you may want to change the bad habit forever, imagining the long, hard process can be daunting and overwhelming.
Instead, try to think to yourself that you will change the habit today, and you're not going to think about the future.
If a day seems like too long, just tell yourself you will stop for one hour.
If one hour is too long, try to not do the behavior for 10 minutes.
Thinking about the process one day at a time helps make it seem more manageable and can ease feelings of being overwhelmed.
If you're starting a new habit, try doing it at the same time every day.
If it becomes part of your standard routine, you're more likely to remember to do it.
For example, you might try to go on a 10-minute walk every day after dinner, or visit with your elderly neighbor every Sunday afternoon.
Remind yourself that you don't have to do this new habit forever, but only one day at a time.
And then, the next day, focus on doing the new habit for that day, and so on. , Remember that you don't have to change everything about yourself at once.
Feeling that you're a failure is a limiting belief, and one that you probably don't want to hold onto! Instead, when you're changing who you are, focus on what you're doing well.
Be patient with yourself, and trust that the changes will come over time.If you make a mistake and relapse into old behavior, don't stress about it.
Just start again the next day.
You don't have to identify with your old ways of being, or with the mistakes you make as you try to learn new patterns of behavior.
Instead, keep your attention focused on the person you're becoming. , If you find that the habit you're trying to change is too difficult, consider whether you can break it down into smaller parts.
For example, if you're trying to become a kinder person, start by allowing another person to have your parking space, or always holding the door open for the person behind you.
You don't have to quit your job or open a food kitchen to be kind.Becoming a kinder person is a large goal comprised of many small steps.
All you have to do is pick one.
If you're trying to learn a new skill, start by focusing on it for 10-30 minutes per day.
Do this every day. , Enlisting another person to help you with your goal of change is one of the most practical steps you can take.
This person can be a close friend, but must be willing to serve as an accountability partner.
The person must agree to check in with whatever system you've agreed to use, and take his or her role seriously.Many people find that daily check-ins are most useful for accountability.
Checking in every day is a way to maintain the daily routine.
It's possible that the other person might want to use this commitment as a way to become accountable for something herself.
Having a partner who is also committing to making a change in her life can be a great motivator.
If you know other people who are also wanting to make fundamental changes in their lives, you might all form an accountability group.
Being part of a group offers support and encouragement as you make the changes you want to make.
Other people might notice changes in your life before you do.
Sometimes radical changes are easier to perceive from the outside than the inside. , Part of working with others means that other people will know about your success, as well as your failures.
That puts into place a consequence of social motivation.
If you are working by yourself, or if you want something more concrete as a consequence, incorporate rewards to provide encouragement for yourself.
You can also add negative consequences to discourage yourself from slacking off in your new habit.An example of a positive consequence might be to calculate how much you would have spent on cigarettes over a period of time, and purchase something nice for yourself with that money.
A reward can be as simple as saying "Victory!" each time you successfully complete the new habit.A negative consequence might be to do a house chore you really dislike every time you allow yourself to engage in a behavior you're trying to change.
For example, if you're trying to quit gossiping and you find yourself sharing the latest juicy tidbit with your coworkers, spend at least an hour scrubbing bathroom grout and toilet as a consequence. , Recognize that changing who you are is a lengthy process.
You might be changing in ways that are hard for you to identify, even if the habits that you're focused on changing are very concrete.Remember the old adage, "A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step." Even though it may not seem so, every step along the way helps cover the distance.
Don't quit! The only real way that you won't be able to change who you are is if you decide not to change.
Keeping that in mind, and following the guidelines above, remember that changes will happen if you just keep trying. -
Step 3: Use a reminder to trigger your new habit.
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Step 4: Repeat your new habit as often as possible.
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Step 5: Think about changing your habit in terms of one day at a time.
-
Step 6: Take it easy.
-
Step 7: Keep it simple.
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Step 8: Make a commitment to another person.
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Step 9: Have consequences and rewards.
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Step 10: Be patient.
Detailed Guide
If you want to change who you are, consider the habits you do every day.
What habits do you want to change? Developing new habits means letting go of old habits.
For example, if you would like to make friends, but are shy and rarely go outside your ordinary routine, you might need to consider finding new habits that include other people.If you are typically anxious and fearful, consider how your habits might contribute to your fears.
Many people report that taking a break from social media results in more happiness.
Start small.
It will be easier to make small changes than large ones.
If you want to be healthier, change a habit that brings multiple benefits.
For example, if you want to be healthier, a good habit to change would be to stop smoking.
This will help you be healthier, allow for easier exercise, and you'll spend less money.You can replace a bad habit with a good one.
If you notice yourself starting to engage in the negative behavior, no matter what it is, consider what you can do instead.
Consider the kind of person you want to become, then think of all the habits that this new person might want to include in her life.
What would be an easy habit to change? This might be a good one to start with.
The basic rule to remember is that you should start either with an easy habit to change or with a habit that's causing a great deal of negativity.
You can decide which one to start with. , No matter how good your intentions, if you're trying to use motivation and memory to pick up a new habit, you won't get far.
A good reminder doesn't rely on motivation or memory, but rather piggy-backs on an existing good habit.So, if you're trying to improve your skin by moisturizing before bed every night, start moisturizing right after you wash your face, something you already do each night.
Soon, the act of washing your face will trigger you to apply your moisturizer., It can take a long time to learn a new habit — from 15 days to
254.Repetition is necessary to make a new habit stick.
Even if you become discouraged, keep pushing forward.
If you are struggling, consider a new, or easier, trigger for the new habit. , Even though you may want to change the bad habit forever, imagining the long, hard process can be daunting and overwhelming.
Instead, try to think to yourself that you will change the habit today, and you're not going to think about the future.
If a day seems like too long, just tell yourself you will stop for one hour.
If one hour is too long, try to not do the behavior for 10 minutes.
Thinking about the process one day at a time helps make it seem more manageable and can ease feelings of being overwhelmed.
If you're starting a new habit, try doing it at the same time every day.
If it becomes part of your standard routine, you're more likely to remember to do it.
For example, you might try to go on a 10-minute walk every day after dinner, or visit with your elderly neighbor every Sunday afternoon.
Remind yourself that you don't have to do this new habit forever, but only one day at a time.
And then, the next day, focus on doing the new habit for that day, and so on. , Remember that you don't have to change everything about yourself at once.
Feeling that you're a failure is a limiting belief, and one that you probably don't want to hold onto! Instead, when you're changing who you are, focus on what you're doing well.
Be patient with yourself, and trust that the changes will come over time.If you make a mistake and relapse into old behavior, don't stress about it.
Just start again the next day.
You don't have to identify with your old ways of being, or with the mistakes you make as you try to learn new patterns of behavior.
Instead, keep your attention focused on the person you're becoming. , If you find that the habit you're trying to change is too difficult, consider whether you can break it down into smaller parts.
For example, if you're trying to become a kinder person, start by allowing another person to have your parking space, or always holding the door open for the person behind you.
You don't have to quit your job or open a food kitchen to be kind.Becoming a kinder person is a large goal comprised of many small steps.
All you have to do is pick one.
If you're trying to learn a new skill, start by focusing on it for 10-30 minutes per day.
Do this every day. , Enlisting another person to help you with your goal of change is one of the most practical steps you can take.
This person can be a close friend, but must be willing to serve as an accountability partner.
The person must agree to check in with whatever system you've agreed to use, and take his or her role seriously.Many people find that daily check-ins are most useful for accountability.
Checking in every day is a way to maintain the daily routine.
It's possible that the other person might want to use this commitment as a way to become accountable for something herself.
Having a partner who is also committing to making a change in her life can be a great motivator.
If you know other people who are also wanting to make fundamental changes in their lives, you might all form an accountability group.
Being part of a group offers support and encouragement as you make the changes you want to make.
Other people might notice changes in your life before you do.
Sometimes radical changes are easier to perceive from the outside than the inside. , Part of working with others means that other people will know about your success, as well as your failures.
That puts into place a consequence of social motivation.
If you are working by yourself, or if you want something more concrete as a consequence, incorporate rewards to provide encouragement for yourself.
You can also add negative consequences to discourage yourself from slacking off in your new habit.An example of a positive consequence might be to calculate how much you would have spent on cigarettes over a period of time, and purchase something nice for yourself with that money.
A reward can be as simple as saying "Victory!" each time you successfully complete the new habit.A negative consequence might be to do a house chore you really dislike every time you allow yourself to engage in a behavior you're trying to change.
For example, if you're trying to quit gossiping and you find yourself sharing the latest juicy tidbit with your coworkers, spend at least an hour scrubbing bathroom grout and toilet as a consequence. , Recognize that changing who you are is a lengthy process.
You might be changing in ways that are hard for you to identify, even if the habits that you're focused on changing are very concrete.Remember the old adage, "A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step." Even though it may not seem so, every step along the way helps cover the distance.
Don't quit! The only real way that you won't be able to change who you are is if you decide not to change.
Keeping that in mind, and following the guidelines above, remember that changes will happen if you just keep trying.
About the Author
Michelle Bell
A passionate writer with expertise in practical skills topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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