How to Comfort a Grieving Person

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Acknowledge the death.

   When you see the grieving person, let them know that you are aware of the death.Or, even send them a message or give them a call.
   
   Trying to avoid saying anything direct can make things more awkward.
   
   Acknowledging the death opens the door for the person to turn to you for comfort.
   
   You might acknowledge the death of a neighbor’s family member by saying, “I was sorry to learn your sister passed away.” If it’s a violent death, consider how well you know the grieving person to determine what to say.
   
   Some people aren’t comfortable talking about homicide or suicide.
   
   For example, if a co-worker’s family member was murdered, you might simply say, “I read in the paper that your uncle died.” In cases of suicide, use the terms ‘died of suicide’, ‘died because of suicide’, or ‘died from suicide’ rather than ‘committed suicide’.
   
   For instance, if that is how your friend’s brother died, you could say, “I heard that your brother died of suicide.”
2. 2

   Step 2: Show your genuine concern.

   Comfort them by letting them know that you care about them and their loss.
   
   Be honest and heartfelt in what you say.
   
   Being empathetic will show them that you are here to support them during this time.Use a gentle, compassionate tone of voice and, when possible, refer to the deceased person by name.For example, if your church member’s husband died you might say something like, “I know Manuel was important to you.
   
   I know I can’t take away your pain, but I’m very sorry for your loss.” Try to avoid phrases like "God needed another angel" or "The grief will fade in time.” They can make you sound insensitive to the grieving person’s pain.
   
   Try phrases like "This is really shocking and I honestly don’t know what to say," "I'm so sorry to hear that," and "That must be really rough."
   
   Asking "What can I do to help?" might not be helpful, because when a person is grieving they are often too overwhelmed to even think of an answer.Comfort them by offering to do things that you know or think might be helpful right now.Think about practical things they could use help with like cooking, cleaning, babysitting, or taking care of a pet.
   
   For example, you might tell your neighbor, "I'll bring some lasagna on Friday.
   
   You can't handle spice, right?” Offer your support, but don’t push yourself on them.
   
   Offer support twice.
   
   If they still refuse, let them know the offer still stands if they change their mind.
   
   For instance, if a grieving friend said they don’t want the class notes, you might say, “Are you sure? I don’t mind bringing them.” If they still say no, say, “Ok, but let me know if you change your mind.” If you want to help, but don’t know what to do then ask someone close to them for suggestions for how you can support the grieving person. , Talking about a loved one who has died can be a helpful way to remember the person and develop an understanding of your feelings.If you know the deceased person, it can comfort the grieving person for you to share memories that you have.
   
   Knowing that you are thinking of the dead person and that you remember them will help the grieving person cope.For example, if your best friend’s brother died, you could say, “He was a great tennis player.
   
   Could I tell you about one of my favorite memories of him on the court?” Keep your recollections positive and brief.
   
   You want to comfort the grieving person, not overwhelm, bore, or upset them.
   
   For instance, you might tell your friend one or two funny stories about his brother and then move the conversation on.
   
   Be understanding if they aren’t ready to share memories yet.
3. 3

   Step 3: Offer specific support.

4. 4

   Step 4: Share memories.

Detailed Guide

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