How to Console a Very Sad Person
Approach the person., Provide support., Show empathy., Validate feelings., Let the person cry., Listen actively., Provide space if needed.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Approach the person.
In order to help someone who is sad, you must be able to approach the person and begin a conversation.
How you decide to approach the person will depend on your relationship with her.
Walk up to the person and engage her in conversation.
You can begin by saying something like, “Hi.
How are you doing?” If the person simply says, “fine,” you can say, “It seems like you are sad.
Do you want to talk about it?” If she says no you must respect her decision to be alone; say something like, “I understand.
I’m here for you if you want to talk.” You can try again to approach her later if you wish. -
Step 2: Provide support.
Communicate that you will be supportive of your friend or acquaintance.Tell the person that you truly care about her and her well-being and that you are there for her.
Offer your help.
You can say something like, “I know you are very sad and I just want to let you know that I am here for you.” Ask her what you can do to help.
You could say, "I'd like to help in any way I can.
Is there something I can do? We could talk about it if you want."
Part of being empathic is matching the other person’s affect or emotions.
If they are sad, you should also look concerned.
Try to feel the other person’s emotions and mirror them.
You would not want to smile or laugh at a person who is crying or very sad.
Express warmth and understanding.Use physical touch such as a hug, or holding the person’s hand if you feel this is comfortable and appropriate.You can ask the person, “Can I give you a hug?” , Many people experience sadness in the face of adversity; this can be a normal reaction to a very difficult situation.Validating or normalizing sadness can help the person gain acceptance over this emotion.You can say something like, “I understand why you are sad.
It makes sense.
This is such a difficult situation.
I’m sorry that you are going through this.” Do not tell the person not to feel her emotions.
Never say anything like, “Don’t be sad.” This can be very invalidating.
Another way you can normalize feelings is by educating your friend about sadness, grief, and loss.You can explain that it is normal to feel denial, anger, and other grief reactions during these types of situations. , Crying can actually increase our well-being by cleansing and releasing pent up emotions.Encourage your friend or family member to let her emotions out if she is inclined to do so.Simply sit with your friend while she is tearful.
You can hand her a tissue, rub her back (if appropriate), or tell her to, “let it out.” You can follow up by saying, “It’s okay to cry.
Sometimes it is good to let those feelings out.” Avoid saying things like, “Please don’t cry.” This is sending the signal that it is not okay for her to let her emotions out and that you feel uncomfortable with her sadness. , Active listening is about focusing solely on the other person and her experience.
Try not to think about the next thing you are going to say and simply listen to everything the person is saying.
Ask clarifying questions to show that you are being attentive.
An example is, “I’m hearing that you are very sad because you lost your dog and you want to find him, is that right?” , Be respectful of your friend’s space and wishes.
If she does not want to talk about what is bothering her anymore, you can begin helping her feel better and doing other activities with her.
To show that you are understanding of her need for space you can say, "I understand if you do not want to talk or if you want to be left alone.
I'm here for you if you do want to talk or spend time together." -
Step 3: Show empathy.
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Step 4: Validate feelings.
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Step 5: Let the person cry.
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Step 6: Listen actively.
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Step 7: Provide space if needed.
Detailed Guide
In order to help someone who is sad, you must be able to approach the person and begin a conversation.
How you decide to approach the person will depend on your relationship with her.
Walk up to the person and engage her in conversation.
You can begin by saying something like, “Hi.
How are you doing?” If the person simply says, “fine,” you can say, “It seems like you are sad.
Do you want to talk about it?” If she says no you must respect her decision to be alone; say something like, “I understand.
I’m here for you if you want to talk.” You can try again to approach her later if you wish.
Communicate that you will be supportive of your friend or acquaintance.Tell the person that you truly care about her and her well-being and that you are there for her.
Offer your help.
You can say something like, “I know you are very sad and I just want to let you know that I am here for you.” Ask her what you can do to help.
You could say, "I'd like to help in any way I can.
Is there something I can do? We could talk about it if you want."
Part of being empathic is matching the other person’s affect or emotions.
If they are sad, you should also look concerned.
Try to feel the other person’s emotions and mirror them.
You would not want to smile or laugh at a person who is crying or very sad.
Express warmth and understanding.Use physical touch such as a hug, or holding the person’s hand if you feel this is comfortable and appropriate.You can ask the person, “Can I give you a hug?” , Many people experience sadness in the face of adversity; this can be a normal reaction to a very difficult situation.Validating or normalizing sadness can help the person gain acceptance over this emotion.You can say something like, “I understand why you are sad.
It makes sense.
This is such a difficult situation.
I’m sorry that you are going through this.” Do not tell the person not to feel her emotions.
Never say anything like, “Don’t be sad.” This can be very invalidating.
Another way you can normalize feelings is by educating your friend about sadness, grief, and loss.You can explain that it is normal to feel denial, anger, and other grief reactions during these types of situations. , Crying can actually increase our well-being by cleansing and releasing pent up emotions.Encourage your friend or family member to let her emotions out if she is inclined to do so.Simply sit with your friend while she is tearful.
You can hand her a tissue, rub her back (if appropriate), or tell her to, “let it out.” You can follow up by saying, “It’s okay to cry.
Sometimes it is good to let those feelings out.” Avoid saying things like, “Please don’t cry.” This is sending the signal that it is not okay for her to let her emotions out and that you feel uncomfortable with her sadness. , Active listening is about focusing solely on the other person and her experience.
Try not to think about the next thing you are going to say and simply listen to everything the person is saying.
Ask clarifying questions to show that you are being attentive.
An example is, “I’m hearing that you are very sad because you lost your dog and you want to find him, is that right?” , Be respectful of your friend’s space and wishes.
If she does not want to talk about what is bothering her anymore, you can begin helping her feel better and doing other activities with her.
To show that you are understanding of her need for space you can say, "I understand if you do not want to talk or if you want to be left alone.
I'm here for you if you do want to talk or spend time together."
About the Author
Jose Young
With a background in education and learning, Jose Young brings 9 years of hands-on experience to every article. Jose believes in making complex topics accessible to everyone.
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