How to Convince Someone Not to Return to an Abusive Ex

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Share your concerns gently.

   You may be tempted to speak out defiantly against your friend returning to the abusive partner.
   
   But, intense emotional displays won’t help the situation.
   
   Approach your friend calmly and let them know your concerns.You might say, “Lori, I know Zach is begging you to come back.
   
   I can’t imagine what emotions you must be feeling.
   
   But, I want you to know I’m worried for you.
   
   I know he hurt your before, and I don’t want that to happen again.”
2. 2

   Step 2: Remind them of their progress.

   Victims of abuse struggle with a variety of thoughts, feelings, and concerns.
   
   They may worry about their partner punishing them for leaving, or how hard it will be to carry on without the relationship.
   
   It can help to remind your friend of all they have overcome so far.
   
   For example, you might tell your friend, “You’ve gone through so much lately, Josh.
   
   I can’t adequately tell you how impressed I am at your strength.
   
   I know leaving must have been really hard.” , Your friend may be so caught up in the emotional experience of missing their partner that they have not looked at the situation from a realistic perspective.
   
   If their partner hadn’t changed their abusive habits before the relationship ended, what makes them think they have changed during the short time after a breakup?You might say, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but remember you left the relationship for a reason.
   
   Do you really believe they have changed since you left?” , No matter how frustrated you might be at your friend for thinking about going back to an abusive ex, their safety is likely your biggest concern.
   
   Check to see if your friend will actually feel safe returning to the abuser.
   
   Despite their response, continue to listen and be supportive.
   
   Even if they do go back to the abusive ex, you want them to feel like they can talk to you., People in abusive relationships may have trouble seeing their circumstances from a different perspective.
   
   You may help your friend decide what they should do by asking them to view the situation as a third party.
   
   How would they react, or what advice would they give if this were happening to a friend?
3. 3

   Step 3: Check if they believe their partner has changed.

4. 4

   Step 4: Ask them if they’ll feel safe.

5. 5

   Step 5: See what advice they would give if this were happening to a friend.

Detailed Guide

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