How to Cope With Asperger's Syndrome
Find a social mentor., Decide how you feel about socializing., Read etiquette and self-help books., Observe others interacting socially., Create scripts for predictable situations.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Find a social mentor.
Talk to someone close to you who you trust about being your social mentor.
They could be a friend or a family member, but having the support of your family is ideal.
Family education can help you to navigate the different facets of your treatment, such as behavior regulation, language and communication skills, social skills, and teaching.
They can help you understand social situations and deal with different scenarios.Not only can your social mentor help you in live situations, they can also role play fictional situations with you so you can practice and learn what to do in situations you've not yet encountered.
Even though you may be more communicative and social than many people on the spectrum, you still may have difficulty understanding social cues or reading body language correctly.
Your social mentor also can help you read situations after the fact.
For example, after having a brief conversation with a girl, your social mentor may tell you the girl was flirting with you.
Your social mentor then can explain the mannerisms or body language that led them to believe the girl was flirting with you.
The person you choose to be your social mentor should be someone who lives near you and is available to attend social functions and events with you.
They can not only explain interactions, but also rescue you if you get yourself into a tight spot and don't know what to do. -
Step 2: Decide how you feel about socializing.
Before you invest time in any extensive effort to understand and better fit in socially, you might want to think about whether it's something you care about and what you hope to get out of socializing if you could do it better.It's often the case that by the time autistic people reach their teenage or adult years, they've decided they don't care anything about socializing.
If you think small talk is torture, you may decide there's no real point in learning how to do it well.
A lack of social and emotional sensitivity is a hallmark of Asperger’s, so you may need to develop ways of dealing with emotional and social situations.
One option is to develop some sort of exit strategy.
For example, if someone at a social event starts talking about the weather or asks you about your family, you might say "I'm sorry, I don't do small talk.
Maybe we could talk about movies instead?" You can steer the person towards one of your special interests or something else that you find interesting.
Depending on your interests and your focus, you may find little use for socializing in your life.
For example, computer programming or writing/editing tend to be solitary pursuits.
If you'd rather do that and don't care about going to parties, don't force yourself to do something that you don't enjoy.
Keep in mind that there are plenty of neurotypical people who also don't enjoy parties and other social events. , Many neurotypical people seem to understand by instinct or intuition what's expected of them in social interactions.
But it turns out the "unwritten rules" aren't really unwritten at all.
There are plenty of books that can help you understand and manage social situations.You can check out etiquette books at the library to learn about formal manners and how to act in various formal situations.
Even though formal etiquette may be a bit much for casual social situations with your peers, you can't go wrong with being too polite.
There also are self-help books available on a variety of social topics, including handling social anxiety, reading body language, and the art of conversation.
Study the topics in which you're interested to improve your social skills your way.
If you have any questions based on anything you read in an etiquette or self-help book, ask your social mentor or another friend about it.
For example, you might say "I read that if you accidentally break something at a party, you should offer to replace it? Is that something people do? Have you ever seen such a thing happen?"
Autistic people often are praised for their skills at noticing details non-autistic people would overlook.
If uncanny observational skills are one of your strengths, put them to use studying people to catalog interactions and experiences.If you decide to observe real people in public, keep in mind that people often don't appreciate being stared at.
You might want to bring a book or digital device so you can observe without being noticed.
You also can observe people interacting in television shows or on movies.
These social interactions are scripted, but they can be helpful in learning how a basic conversation should go.
When at a party or other social event, stay at the edge and observe the group until you feel comfortable enough to join.
You also can hang out next to a small conversation and listen until you hear someone say something about a topic in which you're interested.
Then you can join the conversation without being rude.
Just say something like "Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear that you were talking about a problem with your dog.
I volunteer at the local animal shelter and am studying to be a veterinarian – maybe I could offer you some tips."
Your social mentor can help you create scripts that will help you manage basic social interactions that are always pretty much the same, such as buying groceries or going to a restaurant.For example, when you enter a sit-down restaurant, you typically must speak to an employee standing near the door.
They often ask for the number of people in your party and your name.
The order of these two things typically doesn't matter.
You can just say "Hi.
Smith, party of four.
Thank you." In retail stores, the clerk likely will say hello and ask if you found everything okay.
This is a general courtesy question – kind of like when someone says "How are you?" you're expected to answer "Fine, and you?" For a retail clerk, you can simply say "I did, thank you.
How are you today?" -
Step 3: Read etiquette and self-help books.
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Step 4: Observe others interacting socially.
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Step 5: Create scripts for predictable situations.
Detailed Guide
Talk to someone close to you who you trust about being your social mentor.
They could be a friend or a family member, but having the support of your family is ideal.
Family education can help you to navigate the different facets of your treatment, such as behavior regulation, language and communication skills, social skills, and teaching.
They can help you understand social situations and deal with different scenarios.Not only can your social mentor help you in live situations, they can also role play fictional situations with you so you can practice and learn what to do in situations you've not yet encountered.
Even though you may be more communicative and social than many people on the spectrum, you still may have difficulty understanding social cues or reading body language correctly.
Your social mentor also can help you read situations after the fact.
For example, after having a brief conversation with a girl, your social mentor may tell you the girl was flirting with you.
Your social mentor then can explain the mannerisms or body language that led them to believe the girl was flirting with you.
The person you choose to be your social mentor should be someone who lives near you and is available to attend social functions and events with you.
They can not only explain interactions, but also rescue you if you get yourself into a tight spot and don't know what to do.
Before you invest time in any extensive effort to understand and better fit in socially, you might want to think about whether it's something you care about and what you hope to get out of socializing if you could do it better.It's often the case that by the time autistic people reach their teenage or adult years, they've decided they don't care anything about socializing.
If you think small talk is torture, you may decide there's no real point in learning how to do it well.
A lack of social and emotional sensitivity is a hallmark of Asperger’s, so you may need to develop ways of dealing with emotional and social situations.
One option is to develop some sort of exit strategy.
For example, if someone at a social event starts talking about the weather or asks you about your family, you might say "I'm sorry, I don't do small talk.
Maybe we could talk about movies instead?" You can steer the person towards one of your special interests or something else that you find interesting.
Depending on your interests and your focus, you may find little use for socializing in your life.
For example, computer programming or writing/editing tend to be solitary pursuits.
If you'd rather do that and don't care about going to parties, don't force yourself to do something that you don't enjoy.
Keep in mind that there are plenty of neurotypical people who also don't enjoy parties and other social events. , Many neurotypical people seem to understand by instinct or intuition what's expected of them in social interactions.
But it turns out the "unwritten rules" aren't really unwritten at all.
There are plenty of books that can help you understand and manage social situations.You can check out etiquette books at the library to learn about formal manners and how to act in various formal situations.
Even though formal etiquette may be a bit much for casual social situations with your peers, you can't go wrong with being too polite.
There also are self-help books available on a variety of social topics, including handling social anxiety, reading body language, and the art of conversation.
Study the topics in which you're interested to improve your social skills your way.
If you have any questions based on anything you read in an etiquette or self-help book, ask your social mentor or another friend about it.
For example, you might say "I read that if you accidentally break something at a party, you should offer to replace it? Is that something people do? Have you ever seen such a thing happen?"
Autistic people often are praised for their skills at noticing details non-autistic people would overlook.
If uncanny observational skills are one of your strengths, put them to use studying people to catalog interactions and experiences.If you decide to observe real people in public, keep in mind that people often don't appreciate being stared at.
You might want to bring a book or digital device so you can observe without being noticed.
You also can observe people interacting in television shows or on movies.
These social interactions are scripted, but they can be helpful in learning how a basic conversation should go.
When at a party or other social event, stay at the edge and observe the group until you feel comfortable enough to join.
You also can hang out next to a small conversation and listen until you hear someone say something about a topic in which you're interested.
Then you can join the conversation without being rude.
Just say something like "Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear that you were talking about a problem with your dog.
I volunteer at the local animal shelter and am studying to be a veterinarian – maybe I could offer you some tips."
Your social mentor can help you create scripts that will help you manage basic social interactions that are always pretty much the same, such as buying groceries or going to a restaurant.For example, when you enter a sit-down restaurant, you typically must speak to an employee standing near the door.
They often ask for the number of people in your party and your name.
The order of these two things typically doesn't matter.
You can just say "Hi.
Smith, party of four.
Thank you." In retail stores, the clerk likely will say hello and ask if you found everything okay.
This is a general courtesy question – kind of like when someone says "How are you?" you're expected to answer "Fine, and you?" For a retail clerk, you can simply say "I did, thank you.
How are you today?"
About the Author
Victoria Vasquez
Creates helpful guides on DIY projects to inspire and educate readers.
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