How to Cope with Not Feeling Heard
Find the source of your pain., Ask yourself whether your expectations are reasonable., Take a look at your communication style., Think about other reasons people might not be hearing you.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Find the source of your pain.
Ask yourself what kind of emotional reaction you have when you don’t feel heard.
For instance, you might feel resentful that other people don’t care about your ideas, or you might feel insecure because people don’t seem to approve of you.Tracking down the source of your emotional pain will reveal the underlying problem you need to fix.
Label it by jotting down what you feel when this happens.
Describe what's happening in your body, your thoughts, and your emotional experience.
For instance, you might note, "When I'm ignored, I feel embarrassed.
Like everyone's in on a pact to ignore me.
My face becomes flushed and I have a sudden desire to punch or kick something." -
Step 2: Ask yourself whether your expectations are reasonable.
Think about how you’re approaching other people and what you’re seeking from them.
Ask yourself if you would be able to respond to someone else the way you want others to respond to you.Take people’s boundaries into consideration.
Other people may have different personal boundaries than you do.
Let's say you often try to get your husband's attention when he's watching a hockey game.
This is notoriously a bad time, and sets you both up for disappointment. , Evaluate your communication skills and your approach to talking to others.
People who tend to communicate differently may have problems understanding one another.
Spend some time observing what's happening in the environment right before you speak.
Also, take note of your general tendencies when it comes to communicating with others.For instance, if you speak in a very soft tone of voice, people may not always hear you talking.
Check to see what you are actually stating.
You may be offended that people don't seem concerned about your opinion, yet always decline to share when given a chance . , Sometimes, communication problems have nothing to do with what you’re saying or how you’re saying it.
The person you’re trying to talk to just might not be available to listen right now.
Maybe they’re wrapped up in personal problems, or maybe they’re not skilled at empathizing with others.Don’t take it personally if someone you know is a bad listener.
It doesn’t mean that you aren’t worth listening to.
After a few attempts, consider not sharing as much with this individual.
For example, your best bud might be going through a divorce, and you notice him zoning out when you're talking.
His current situation at home could be interfering with his ability to be a good listener. -
Step 3: Take a look at your communication style.
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Step 4: Think about other reasons people might not be hearing you.
Detailed Guide
Ask yourself what kind of emotional reaction you have when you don’t feel heard.
For instance, you might feel resentful that other people don’t care about your ideas, or you might feel insecure because people don’t seem to approve of you.Tracking down the source of your emotional pain will reveal the underlying problem you need to fix.
Label it by jotting down what you feel when this happens.
Describe what's happening in your body, your thoughts, and your emotional experience.
For instance, you might note, "When I'm ignored, I feel embarrassed.
Like everyone's in on a pact to ignore me.
My face becomes flushed and I have a sudden desire to punch or kick something."
Think about how you’re approaching other people and what you’re seeking from them.
Ask yourself if you would be able to respond to someone else the way you want others to respond to you.Take people’s boundaries into consideration.
Other people may have different personal boundaries than you do.
Let's say you often try to get your husband's attention when he's watching a hockey game.
This is notoriously a bad time, and sets you both up for disappointment. , Evaluate your communication skills and your approach to talking to others.
People who tend to communicate differently may have problems understanding one another.
Spend some time observing what's happening in the environment right before you speak.
Also, take note of your general tendencies when it comes to communicating with others.For instance, if you speak in a very soft tone of voice, people may not always hear you talking.
Check to see what you are actually stating.
You may be offended that people don't seem concerned about your opinion, yet always decline to share when given a chance . , Sometimes, communication problems have nothing to do with what you’re saying or how you’re saying it.
The person you’re trying to talk to just might not be available to listen right now.
Maybe they’re wrapped up in personal problems, or maybe they’re not skilled at empathizing with others.Don’t take it personally if someone you know is a bad listener.
It doesn’t mean that you aren’t worth listening to.
After a few attempts, consider not sharing as much with this individual.
For example, your best bud might be going through a divorce, and you notice him zoning out when you're talking.
His current situation at home could be interfering with his ability to be a good listener.
About the Author
Jessica Martinez
Creates helpful guides on organization to inspire and educate readers.
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