How to Deal With Being Taken for Granted
Acknowledge your feelings., You have the right to be respected., Think about why you are feeling this way., Identify what has changed in the relationship., Think about the other person’s perspective.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Acknowledge your feelings.
It is important to acknowledge to yourself that you are being taken for granted.
You cannot address this problem until you admit that they exist.
Research has linked expressing and analyzing your negative emotions to a variety of mental and physical health benefits.
Repressing your feelings will only make them worse in the long run.This may be difficult if you have been taught to be "nice" in a way that is passive, that allows people to "take advantage of you" and tells you that you do not have a right to speak up for yourself.
For instance, "Do nice things without expecting anything in return." While there is a certain basic goodness in being kind to people without expecting to be rewarded every time, that does not mean you should lend money to a person who is irresponsible with money.
Women, in particular, are often conditioned to be "nice" and that speaking up for yourself is somehow not being nice.
Remember that sometimes you will be taken for granted.
For example, parents often feel as though they are taken for granted.
Children progress through different stages of maturity, but sometimes what seems like self-centeredness is often a normal and necessary part of their growth.There is a difference between acknowledging your feelings and dwelling on them.
Focusing on negative feelings without analyzing them or working to correct them can leave you feeling worse than when you started. -
Step 2: You have the right to be respected.
Social and cultural pressures may encourage you to believe that saying “no” to others when they ask you for things is rude.
You may also have been taught to feel that your work is less valuable than others and does not deserve acknowledgement. (This is particularly a problem for women, especially in domestic contexts.)These things can lead to you feeling taken for granted.
Everyone has the right to be respected and appreciated, and it isn’t wrong to want to be treated that way.
It’s natural to be angry or hurt, and it can be easy to let those feelings take over.
Keep your focus on being constructive, rather than venting your anger on the other person. , To address your feelings of being taken for granted, you need to examine what is happening to make you feel this way.
Write out a list of the specific behaviors and events that are making you feel unappreciated.
You may find things that you can ask the other person to change.
You may also find things about your own communication that you need to work on.
For example, you may need to practice more clearly communicating your boundaries.Research has shown that “feeling unappreciated” is a common reason why employees leave their jobs.81% of employees say that they are more motivated at work when their boss acknowledges their work.Studies have also shown that people who feel lonely are more likely to accept unfair treatment and allow others to take advantage of them.If you feel taken for granted, it may be because you are afraid refusing a request would result in loneliness.
Be careful of "mind reading"
or assuming the motivations of the other person.
If you assume you know why a person acts the way they do, you may well guess wrong.
This can lead you do make unfair and incorrect assumptions.
For example: you may feel taken for granted because you frequently offer rides to a co-worker but they did not return the favor when your car broke down.
Without talking to Jenny, you do not really know why.
Perhaps she was being a terrible, ungrateful person--or she did not return the favor because she had a dentist appointment that day, or maybe because you did not ask outright, and only dropped vague hints. , If you feel taken for granted, it may be because you once felt valued by the person who is now taking you for granted.
It might also stem from the knowledge that you should feel appreciated but do not.
Whatever the cause, identifying what has changed about your interactions with the other person can help you feel better.
It can also help you find a solution for the relationship.Try to think back to when you first started interacting with the other person.
What did they do that made you feel appreciated? What is not happening that used to? Have you changed anything about yourself?If you feel taken for granted at work, it could be because you feel like your effort is going unrewarded (e.g., you haven’t gotten a raise, you aren’t acknowledged on a project).
It could also be because you don’t feel involved in decision-making.Think about what made you feel appreciated about your job and see whether anything has changed. , When you feel injustice in a relationship, whether it’s with a coworker or a romantic partner, it can be hard to consider the other person’s perspective.
You feel punished and disrespected, so why should you try to understand why you are being treated this way? Trying to understand what the other person is feeling may be helpful to understanding what is happening.
It may also help you work with the other person find a solution to the problem.In the absence of personality disorders or other issues, people don’t usually set out to treat others badly.Accusing someone of being a jerk, even if you feel your opinion is justified, is likely to provoke the other person to respond with unproductive anger.
When people feel accused, they often “tune out.” Think about the wants and needs of the other person.
Have they changed?Research has shown that sometimes individuals will use passive “distancing techniques,” such as not returning favors and not reciprocating demonstrations of affection or appreciation, when they are no longer interested in the relationship but don’t know how to leave. -
Step 3: Think about why you are feeling this way.
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Step 4: Identify what has changed in the relationship.
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Step 5: Think about the other person’s perspective.
Detailed Guide
It is important to acknowledge to yourself that you are being taken for granted.
You cannot address this problem until you admit that they exist.
Research has linked expressing and analyzing your negative emotions to a variety of mental and physical health benefits.
Repressing your feelings will only make them worse in the long run.This may be difficult if you have been taught to be "nice" in a way that is passive, that allows people to "take advantage of you" and tells you that you do not have a right to speak up for yourself.
For instance, "Do nice things without expecting anything in return." While there is a certain basic goodness in being kind to people without expecting to be rewarded every time, that does not mean you should lend money to a person who is irresponsible with money.
Women, in particular, are often conditioned to be "nice" and that speaking up for yourself is somehow not being nice.
Remember that sometimes you will be taken for granted.
For example, parents often feel as though they are taken for granted.
Children progress through different stages of maturity, but sometimes what seems like self-centeredness is often a normal and necessary part of their growth.There is a difference between acknowledging your feelings and dwelling on them.
Focusing on negative feelings without analyzing them or working to correct them can leave you feeling worse than when you started.
Social and cultural pressures may encourage you to believe that saying “no” to others when they ask you for things is rude.
You may also have been taught to feel that your work is less valuable than others and does not deserve acknowledgement. (This is particularly a problem for women, especially in domestic contexts.)These things can lead to you feeling taken for granted.
Everyone has the right to be respected and appreciated, and it isn’t wrong to want to be treated that way.
It’s natural to be angry or hurt, and it can be easy to let those feelings take over.
Keep your focus on being constructive, rather than venting your anger on the other person. , To address your feelings of being taken for granted, you need to examine what is happening to make you feel this way.
Write out a list of the specific behaviors and events that are making you feel unappreciated.
You may find things that you can ask the other person to change.
You may also find things about your own communication that you need to work on.
For example, you may need to practice more clearly communicating your boundaries.Research has shown that “feeling unappreciated” is a common reason why employees leave their jobs.81% of employees say that they are more motivated at work when their boss acknowledges their work.Studies have also shown that people who feel lonely are more likely to accept unfair treatment and allow others to take advantage of them.If you feel taken for granted, it may be because you are afraid refusing a request would result in loneliness.
Be careful of "mind reading"
or assuming the motivations of the other person.
If you assume you know why a person acts the way they do, you may well guess wrong.
This can lead you do make unfair and incorrect assumptions.
For example: you may feel taken for granted because you frequently offer rides to a co-worker but they did not return the favor when your car broke down.
Without talking to Jenny, you do not really know why.
Perhaps she was being a terrible, ungrateful person--or she did not return the favor because she had a dentist appointment that day, or maybe because you did not ask outright, and only dropped vague hints. , If you feel taken for granted, it may be because you once felt valued by the person who is now taking you for granted.
It might also stem from the knowledge that you should feel appreciated but do not.
Whatever the cause, identifying what has changed about your interactions with the other person can help you feel better.
It can also help you find a solution for the relationship.Try to think back to when you first started interacting with the other person.
What did they do that made you feel appreciated? What is not happening that used to? Have you changed anything about yourself?If you feel taken for granted at work, it could be because you feel like your effort is going unrewarded (e.g., you haven’t gotten a raise, you aren’t acknowledged on a project).
It could also be because you don’t feel involved in decision-making.Think about what made you feel appreciated about your job and see whether anything has changed. , When you feel injustice in a relationship, whether it’s with a coworker or a romantic partner, it can be hard to consider the other person’s perspective.
You feel punished and disrespected, so why should you try to understand why you are being treated this way? Trying to understand what the other person is feeling may be helpful to understanding what is happening.
It may also help you work with the other person find a solution to the problem.In the absence of personality disorders or other issues, people don’t usually set out to treat others badly.Accusing someone of being a jerk, even if you feel your opinion is justified, is likely to provoke the other person to respond with unproductive anger.
When people feel accused, they often “tune out.” Think about the wants and needs of the other person.
Have they changed?Research has shown that sometimes individuals will use passive “distancing techniques,” such as not returning favors and not reciprocating demonstrations of affection or appreciation, when they are no longer interested in the relationship but don’t know how to leave.
About the Author
Doris Robinson
Doris Robinson has dedicated 2 years to mastering lifestyle and practical guides. As a content creator, Doris focuses on providing actionable tips and step-by-step guides.
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