How to Deal with Boys
Understand that young boys are always on the go., Provide opportunities for controlled chaos., Teach him responsibility., Monitor his physical behavior., Use firmness and kindness when correcting him., Model good behavior for him., Encourage him to...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Understand that young boys are always on the go.
By the time they’re toddlers, boys begin developing gross motor skills at a faster rate than girls of the same age.
This means that most young boys are always moving, bouncing, running, kicking, and seemingly trying to hurt themselves in increasingly inventive ways.Channel that energy into activities such as sports, play time, and even household chores.
Ensuring your boy gets plenty of opportunities for exercise, especially outdoor exercise, will help tire him out. -
Step 2: Provide opportunities for controlled chaos.
Developing children need space to get messy.
They need to be able to spread LEGO bricks all over the floor while building a spaceship, or to make a pillow fort to defend themselves from evil monsters.
Playing builds cognitive and spatial skills and promotes creative, flexible thinking.Young boys especially can make a mess when they play, but if you provide some ground rules and some flexibility, you can help your child learn how to understand the world around him safely
-- if not always neatly.
Provide a safe outdoor play area with toys such as a sandbox or treehouse to give him room to play and run around.
Accept that messes and dirt are a part of parenting a young boy.
In fact, research suggests that getting dirty can actually strengthen your child’s immune system!You can also allow your child to build a fort in his room or another low-traffic area in the house.
Set rules for playing, such as that toys have to be picked up and put away before dinner time or that muddy wrestling can only happen outdoors. , Children need to learn independence and cooperation with others.
It may be tempting to do everything for your child because it’s faster and easier, but it’s important to let your child figure things out on his own (under safe, supervised conditions).
Keep your expectations realistic, however.
Most boys’ fine motor skills don’t develop as fast as girls’ do, so tasks that require a lot of coordination may take extra time and practice for your young boy to learn.Give your child more responsibility in stages.
When he’s very young, putting away toys and doing “pretend” chores (such as playing with pans while you cook or wiping a dust cloth along the furniture) are good starts.
As he gets older, your child can handle increased responsibilities such as keeping his room clean, helping with the dishes, and doing his homework without as much help. , Young boys are prone to displays of aggression, particularly physical aggression.
Very physical play such as wrestling and play-fighting is normal and appropriate for young boys, and making toy weapons such as swords and guns out of literally anything they can find is also very common behavior.
However, these behaviors should promote positive, friendly interactions between your child and his friends, so keep an eye out to make sure your child is not engaging in hostile or bullying actions.If you notice that your child is hurting others or doesn’t seem to understand when to call a truce while play-fighting, talk with him about empathy, or putting himself in his friends’ shoes.
Just as he doesn’t want to be hurt or bullied, he shouldn’t hurt others, and he should understand that sometimes what doesn’t hurt him can still hurt someone else.
These conversations should start early and can help boys develop into healthy, well-adjusted adults. , Because boys tend to be very physical as children, they may resort to physical and verbal aggression in order to get their way.
It may be very difficult for young boys to understand why acts of parental aggression, such as spanking or severe scolding and yelling, are acceptable while their own aggression is not.
In fact, children who experience severe punishment as children are more likely to become aggressive as they develop.Instead, model how you want him to interact with others by being firm but kind when you correct your child.
State your expectations for his behavior clearly, and talk to him about what he’s doing wrong.
Teach him how to express his feelings using words, such as statements like “I’m feeling angry.”For example, if you notice that your child has not put his toys away, tell him firmly but kindly that he needs to put them away.
Give him a clear understanding of his goal and the consequences, like this: “Please put all these toys on the floor back in the toy-box.
You won’t be able to go outside and play until they’re put away.” Emphasize empathy whenever possible.
Explain the consequences of his behavior on other people, and ask your boy to imagine how he would feel if someone did the same to him.
Be kind and praise him when he does well so that your child knows that you are happy about his good behavior.
If you focus only on correcting negative behaviors without reinforcing positive ones, you may actually end up promoting acting out.
Ignore it when he whines.
Whining is a form of power struggle, and while giving in may be easier in the short run, it’s actually damaging to your authority as a parent.
If he wants something he can have, tell him what he needs to do to get it; for example, “If you want to watch cartoons, you have to put your toys away first.” If he wants something he can’t have, clearly explain why: “You can’t have ice cream right now.
Ice cream isn’t good for you to have at breakfast.” , Children learn a lot about how to interact with others from their parents.
Teach your young boy how to interact with others by modeling healthy behaviors for him, such as speaking kindly to others and being patient even in challenging circumstances.
Reward and praise him for being polite and kind, as well as for good behaviors such as putting toys away and doing homework.Be consistent; for example, if you don’t want your child swearing, don’t swear in front of him.
It will be almost impossible for a young boy to understand why his parents can say “bad” words but he can’t. , Boys in particular often face strong cultural pressure to “not be a wuss” or otherwise not to express their emotions.
However, this pressure isn’t healthy.Help him learn how to express himself to others with his words and actions without being unkind or hurtful.
Everyone gets frustrated or angry sometimes, and so will your boy; rather than feeling guilty about these emotions or denying them, help him learn that his reactions to them can be managed in a healthy way.Teach him that he’s responsible for how he reacts to the feelings he experiences.
He may be angry that someone else took his toy, but while it’s understandable to feel upset, it’s not acceptable to translate that emotion into an action such as name-calling or hitting.
Understand that boys may need more comforting than girls do during stress or frustration.
Research suggests that young girls may be more effective than young boys at self-soothing when they’re agitated. -
Step 3: Teach him responsibility.
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Step 4: Monitor his physical behavior.
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Step 5: Use firmness and kindness when correcting him.
-
Step 6: Model good behavior for him.
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Step 7: Encourage him to express his ideas and feelings.
Detailed Guide
By the time they’re toddlers, boys begin developing gross motor skills at a faster rate than girls of the same age.
This means that most young boys are always moving, bouncing, running, kicking, and seemingly trying to hurt themselves in increasingly inventive ways.Channel that energy into activities such as sports, play time, and even household chores.
Ensuring your boy gets plenty of opportunities for exercise, especially outdoor exercise, will help tire him out.
Developing children need space to get messy.
They need to be able to spread LEGO bricks all over the floor while building a spaceship, or to make a pillow fort to defend themselves from evil monsters.
Playing builds cognitive and spatial skills and promotes creative, flexible thinking.Young boys especially can make a mess when they play, but if you provide some ground rules and some flexibility, you can help your child learn how to understand the world around him safely
-- if not always neatly.
Provide a safe outdoor play area with toys such as a sandbox or treehouse to give him room to play and run around.
Accept that messes and dirt are a part of parenting a young boy.
In fact, research suggests that getting dirty can actually strengthen your child’s immune system!You can also allow your child to build a fort in his room or another low-traffic area in the house.
Set rules for playing, such as that toys have to be picked up and put away before dinner time or that muddy wrestling can only happen outdoors. , Children need to learn independence and cooperation with others.
It may be tempting to do everything for your child because it’s faster and easier, but it’s important to let your child figure things out on his own (under safe, supervised conditions).
Keep your expectations realistic, however.
Most boys’ fine motor skills don’t develop as fast as girls’ do, so tasks that require a lot of coordination may take extra time and practice for your young boy to learn.Give your child more responsibility in stages.
When he’s very young, putting away toys and doing “pretend” chores (such as playing with pans while you cook or wiping a dust cloth along the furniture) are good starts.
As he gets older, your child can handle increased responsibilities such as keeping his room clean, helping with the dishes, and doing his homework without as much help. , Young boys are prone to displays of aggression, particularly physical aggression.
Very physical play such as wrestling and play-fighting is normal and appropriate for young boys, and making toy weapons such as swords and guns out of literally anything they can find is also very common behavior.
However, these behaviors should promote positive, friendly interactions between your child and his friends, so keep an eye out to make sure your child is not engaging in hostile or bullying actions.If you notice that your child is hurting others or doesn’t seem to understand when to call a truce while play-fighting, talk with him about empathy, or putting himself in his friends’ shoes.
Just as he doesn’t want to be hurt or bullied, he shouldn’t hurt others, and he should understand that sometimes what doesn’t hurt him can still hurt someone else.
These conversations should start early and can help boys develop into healthy, well-adjusted adults. , Because boys tend to be very physical as children, they may resort to physical and verbal aggression in order to get their way.
It may be very difficult for young boys to understand why acts of parental aggression, such as spanking or severe scolding and yelling, are acceptable while their own aggression is not.
In fact, children who experience severe punishment as children are more likely to become aggressive as they develop.Instead, model how you want him to interact with others by being firm but kind when you correct your child.
State your expectations for his behavior clearly, and talk to him about what he’s doing wrong.
Teach him how to express his feelings using words, such as statements like “I’m feeling angry.”For example, if you notice that your child has not put his toys away, tell him firmly but kindly that he needs to put them away.
Give him a clear understanding of his goal and the consequences, like this: “Please put all these toys on the floor back in the toy-box.
You won’t be able to go outside and play until they’re put away.” Emphasize empathy whenever possible.
Explain the consequences of his behavior on other people, and ask your boy to imagine how he would feel if someone did the same to him.
Be kind and praise him when he does well so that your child knows that you are happy about his good behavior.
If you focus only on correcting negative behaviors without reinforcing positive ones, you may actually end up promoting acting out.
Ignore it when he whines.
Whining is a form of power struggle, and while giving in may be easier in the short run, it’s actually damaging to your authority as a parent.
If he wants something he can have, tell him what he needs to do to get it; for example, “If you want to watch cartoons, you have to put your toys away first.” If he wants something he can’t have, clearly explain why: “You can’t have ice cream right now.
Ice cream isn’t good for you to have at breakfast.” , Children learn a lot about how to interact with others from their parents.
Teach your young boy how to interact with others by modeling healthy behaviors for him, such as speaking kindly to others and being patient even in challenging circumstances.
Reward and praise him for being polite and kind, as well as for good behaviors such as putting toys away and doing homework.Be consistent; for example, if you don’t want your child swearing, don’t swear in front of him.
It will be almost impossible for a young boy to understand why his parents can say “bad” words but he can’t. , Boys in particular often face strong cultural pressure to “not be a wuss” or otherwise not to express their emotions.
However, this pressure isn’t healthy.Help him learn how to express himself to others with his words and actions without being unkind or hurtful.
Everyone gets frustrated or angry sometimes, and so will your boy; rather than feeling guilty about these emotions or denying them, help him learn that his reactions to them can be managed in a healthy way.Teach him that he’s responsible for how he reacts to the feelings he experiences.
He may be angry that someone else took his toy, but while it’s understandable to feel upset, it’s not acceptable to translate that emotion into an action such as name-calling or hitting.
Understand that boys may need more comforting than girls do during stress or frustration.
Research suggests that young girls may be more effective than young boys at self-soothing when they’re agitated.
About the Author
Paul Armstrong
Committed to making home improvement accessible and understandable for everyone.
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