How to Deal with Domestic Violence
Know what constitutes domestic violence., Understand why abusers abuse., Know the law in your area., Know what local resources are available.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Know what constitutes domestic violence.
Domestic violence (DV) is defined by the United States Department of Justice as having many possible manifestations, all of which are patterns of violence that are used by one person to gain and keep power over someone else using actions or threats of actions that scare, force, coerce, hurt, or embarrass someone.You can learn about the specific types of domestic violence classified by the US government at www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence, which include:
Physical Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves one person hurting or threatening to hurt someone else, and it can range from what might seem like obvious abusive behaviors like punching to more subtle behaviors like pulling, pushing, forcing someone to drink or do drugs, or refusing to allow someone access to medicine they might need.
Any other behavior that hurts the body of someone else can also be physical abuse.
Sexual Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves one person forcing or attempting to force or coerce sexual behavior or touch from another person.
This might involve unwanted touching of the genitals or breasts, unwanted sex of any type (anal, oral, or vaginal, within a marriage relationship or not), or sexually demeaning or humiliating someone.
Emotional Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves one person belittling another person by damaging their self-esteem or sense of worth.
It can take many forms, but some of the most common involve talking in a belittling way about someone (alone or in public), constantly criticizing someone's efforts, calling someone names or cursing at someone, or purposefully trying to turn someone's family, friends, or children against them.
Economic Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves one person attempting to make another person financially dependent on themselves.
It can involve refusing access to money or bank accounts, not sharing information about finances, or not allowing someone to attend work or school so that they cannot become self sufficient.
Psychological Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves trying to control someone by using means of fear, intimidation, or threats.
Psychological abuse can involve isolating someone from family or friends, threatening self harm or harm to others, destroying property or pets (especially things the abused person loves), and "gaslighting," a process that involves gradually convincing the victim that she is crazy and deserves the abuse. -
Step 2: Understand why abusers abuse.
Abuse is about power and control over a victim,often manifesting when an abuser feels a lack of power in other areas of his or her life or desires to take power away from their victim.While abuse happens in many ways and for many reasons, it always has a few features in common:
It is never justified.
Abusers always have an excuse or a reason for the things that they do, but no matter what they say, there is never a valid reason to abuse another person.It is never the victim's fault.
Many abusers will say that the victim was "asking for it" or that the victim's behavior needed to be punished.
These are just excuses for the abuser's behavior, and they are not true: no one deserves to be abused.It can happen to anyone.
There is not a single demographic that abuses or that is victimized.
Abusers can be any race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status, as can victims.Keep in mind that although victims of domestic violence are overwhelmingly female, men can also be victims of domestic violence.Because it is not as common, laws tend to be written as if victims were all female., In America, federal laws protect victims of domestic violence.
Most states have additional laws and statutes governing what counts as domestic violence and how it is to be prosecuted.Federally, two laws specifically address domestic violence:
The Violence Against Women Act and the Family Violence Prevention and Services Act.
The first provides for legal aid and funding for relocating for victims of domestic violence.
The second provides formula grants to states to serve victims, but also established the National Domestic Violence Hotline.Visit http://www.breakthecycle.org/state-law-report-cards to view an interactive map of the United States which provides an overview of state laws specifically relating to violence in dating relationships (including stalking, victim's rights, rape procedures, etc.). , Depending on your city and state, there are different resources available to help a victim escape a violent partner, press charges, find temporary housing, or even relocate.
You can start by visiting http://www.justice.gov/ovw/local-resources and clicking on your state.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY for deaf callers).
It is a 24 hour hotline that can help connect you to resources in your area and give you advice about a safety plan.
In the United States, nearly every major city has shelters for victims of domestic violence. -
Step 3: Know the law in your area.
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Step 4: Know what local resources are available.
Detailed Guide
Domestic violence (DV) is defined by the United States Department of Justice as having many possible manifestations, all of which are patterns of violence that are used by one person to gain and keep power over someone else using actions or threats of actions that scare, force, coerce, hurt, or embarrass someone.You can learn about the specific types of domestic violence classified by the US government at www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence, which include:
Physical Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves one person hurting or threatening to hurt someone else, and it can range from what might seem like obvious abusive behaviors like punching to more subtle behaviors like pulling, pushing, forcing someone to drink or do drugs, or refusing to allow someone access to medicine they might need.
Any other behavior that hurts the body of someone else can also be physical abuse.
Sexual Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves one person forcing or attempting to force or coerce sexual behavior or touch from another person.
This might involve unwanted touching of the genitals or breasts, unwanted sex of any type (anal, oral, or vaginal, within a marriage relationship or not), or sexually demeaning or humiliating someone.
Emotional Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves one person belittling another person by damaging their self-esteem or sense of worth.
It can take many forms, but some of the most common involve talking in a belittling way about someone (alone or in public), constantly criticizing someone's efforts, calling someone names or cursing at someone, or purposefully trying to turn someone's family, friends, or children against them.
Economic Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves one person attempting to make another person financially dependent on themselves.
It can involve refusing access to money or bank accounts, not sharing information about finances, or not allowing someone to attend work or school so that they cannot become self sufficient.
Psychological Abuse:
This type of domestic abuse involves trying to control someone by using means of fear, intimidation, or threats.
Psychological abuse can involve isolating someone from family or friends, threatening self harm or harm to others, destroying property or pets (especially things the abused person loves), and "gaslighting," a process that involves gradually convincing the victim that she is crazy and deserves the abuse.
Abuse is about power and control over a victim,often manifesting when an abuser feels a lack of power in other areas of his or her life or desires to take power away from their victim.While abuse happens in many ways and for many reasons, it always has a few features in common:
It is never justified.
Abusers always have an excuse or a reason for the things that they do, but no matter what they say, there is never a valid reason to abuse another person.It is never the victim's fault.
Many abusers will say that the victim was "asking for it" or that the victim's behavior needed to be punished.
These are just excuses for the abuser's behavior, and they are not true: no one deserves to be abused.It can happen to anyone.
There is not a single demographic that abuses or that is victimized.
Abusers can be any race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status, as can victims.Keep in mind that although victims of domestic violence are overwhelmingly female, men can also be victims of domestic violence.Because it is not as common, laws tend to be written as if victims were all female., In America, federal laws protect victims of domestic violence.
Most states have additional laws and statutes governing what counts as domestic violence and how it is to be prosecuted.Federally, two laws specifically address domestic violence:
The Violence Against Women Act and the Family Violence Prevention and Services Act.
The first provides for legal aid and funding for relocating for victims of domestic violence.
The second provides formula grants to states to serve victims, but also established the National Domestic Violence Hotline.Visit http://www.breakthecycle.org/state-law-report-cards to view an interactive map of the United States which provides an overview of state laws specifically relating to violence in dating relationships (including stalking, victim's rights, rape procedures, etc.). , Depending on your city and state, there are different resources available to help a victim escape a violent partner, press charges, find temporary housing, or even relocate.
You can start by visiting http://www.justice.gov/ovw/local-resources and clicking on your state.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY for deaf callers).
It is a 24 hour hotline that can help connect you to resources in your area and give you advice about a safety plan.
In the United States, nearly every major city has shelters for victims of domestic violence.
About the Author
Jean Collins
A passionate writer with expertise in creative arts topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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