How to Elevate Your Self Esteem
Be deliberate with your thoughts and beliefs., Set goals and expectations., Take care of yourself., Look back on your life and your accomplishments., Do things you enjoy., Help someone., Adjust your self-image as needed., Let go of the idea of...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Be deliberate with your thoughts and beliefs.
Try to focus on positive, encouraging, and constructive thoughts.
Remember that you are a special, one-of-a-kind person that deserves love and respect
- from others and from yourself.
Try these strategies:
Use hopeful statements.
Be optimistic and avoid the self-fulfilling prophecy of pessimism.
If you expect bad things, they often occur.
For example, if you anticipate a presentation going poorly, it just might.
Instead, be positive.
Tell yourself, "Even though it's going to be a challenge, I can handle this presentation." Focus on "can" and avoid "should" statements. "Should" statements imply that there is something you ought to be doing and this might cause you to feel pressured if you can't meet these expectations.
Instead, focus on what you CAN do.
Focus on the positive.
Think about the good parts of your life.
Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently.
Consider the skills you've used to cope with challenging situations.
Be your own cheerleader.
Give yourself positive encouragement and credit for the positive things you do.
For example, you might note that although you're not getting all the exercise you'd like to be getting, you have been doing to the gym one extra day a week Give yourself credit for making positive changes.
For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal." -
Step 2: Set goals and expectations.
Write of lists of things you want to accomplish and set out to achieve these goals.
For example, you might decide to volunteer more, take up a new hobby, or spend time with friends.Make sure your goals and expectations are realistic.Striving for the impossible will only deflate, not enhance, self-esteem.
For example, don't suddenly decide that at age 40 your dream is to play professional hockey.
This is unrealistic and your self-esteem will likely take a hit once you realize how far away and unattainable that goal is.Instead, set more realistic goals, like deciding to learn how to play the guitar or a new sport.
Setting goals that you can consciously work towards and eventually meet can help you stop the cycle of negative thinking that services low self-esteem.
When you set and meet goals successfully, you will feel a sense of fulfillment and more able to let go of your feelings of low self-esteem for not meeting idealistic and fundamentally unattainable life goals, like being the perfect girlfriend or perfect cook or perfect whatever.
You could also set goals that help to you see and feel your own competencies.
For example, if you feel like you want to be better informed about the world, decide that you are going to read a newspaper every day for a month.
Or, say you want to empower yourself in knowing how to fix your own bike and opt to learn how to do your own tune-up.
Meeting goals that address things that help you feel powerful and capable will help you feel better about yourself as a whole. , Some of us spend so much time worrying about and caring for others that we neglect our own physical and mental well-being.
Alternatively, some of us feel so bad about ourselves that we think it's pointless to put time and effort into caring for ourselves.
Ultimately, taking care of yourself can also help improve your self-esteem.
The healthier you are in mind and body, the better the possibility that you will be satisfied with your self.
Note that taking care of yourself doesn't mean that you have to be skinny, super fit, and flawless.
Instead, in means doing your best to be healthy, whatever that may look like for you individually.
Some pointers include:
Eat at least three meals a day that are based on healthy and nutrient-rich foods, such as whole grains, poultry and fish, and fresh vegetables to keep yourself energized and nourished.
Drink water to hydrate your body.
Avoid processed, sugary, and caffeinated foods and/or drinks.
These can affect your mood and should be avoided if you're concerned about mood swings or negative emotions.
Exercise.
Research has shown that exercise can give a real boost to self-esteem.
This is because exercise causes the body to release the "happy chemicals" called endorphins.
This feeling of euphoria can be accompanied by increased positivity and energy.
Try to get up to at least 30 minutes of vigorous exercise at least three times a week.
At the very least, set aside time for a brisk walk every day.Reduce stress.
Make a plan to reduce the stress of your everyday life by designating time for relaxation and activities that bring you joy.
Meditate, take a yoga class, garden, or do whatever activity makes you feel calm and positive.
Note that being stressed can sometimes make it easier for people to overreact or let negative feelings dominate., Chances are that you are not giving yourself enough credit for everything that you've done throughout your life.
Impress yourself, not others.
Take some time to reflect and look back at your past glories from big to small; this will not only help you become more aware of these accomplishment but can also help validate your place in the world and the value you bring to the people and society around you.Grab a notebook or journal and set a timer for 20-30 minutes.
During this time, write a list of all of your accomplishments.
Keep in mind that everything should be included, from big accomplishments to the little everyday things.
Your list can include things like learning how to drive, going to college, moving into your own apartment, making a great friend, cooking a fancy meal, getting a degree or diploma, getting your first "adult" job, and so on.
The possibilities are endless! Return to the list periodically to add to it.
You'll see that you have lots to be proud of.Scan through old photos, scrap books, yearbooks, trip mementos, or even consider making a collage of your life and accomplishments to date., Set aside time to do something that makes you happy every day, whether that means cooking, reading, exercising, gardening, or spending an hour just talking with your spouse.
Don't feel guilty for this time you've set aside to enjoy; you deserve it.
Repeat that statement as needed..Experiment with new activities; you might learn about talents or skills you didn't know you possessed.
Maybe you take up running track and discover that you are really good at long-distance running, something you'd never thought of before.
This can help increase your self-esteem.Consider taking up artistic activities such as painting, music, poetry, and dance.
Artistic endeavors often help people learn how to express themselves and attain a sense of 'mastery' of a subject or skill.
Lots of community sentences offer free or reasonably-priced classes. , Research has shown that people who volunteer tend to feel happier and have higher self-esteem.
It may seem paradoxical that to feel better about yourself you should help someone else, but the science does indeed that feelings of social connectedness that accompany volunteering or helping others make us feel more positive about ourselves.There are endless opportunities to help others in the world.
Volunteer at a retirement home or a homeless shelter.
Get involved with your church in a ministry to the sick or the poor.
Donate your time and service to a humane animal shelter.
Be a Big Brother or Big Sister.
Clean up a local park on a community-organized occasion. , You change all the time, and you need to update your perception of yourself to match your current self.
For example, increasing your self-esteem is pointless if the image you hold of yourself isn't accurate.
Maybe as a kid you were really strong in math but now you can barely calculate the area of your house.
Maybe you were once deeply religious but now you identify agnostic and no longer attend church.
Adjust your perception of yourself to match up with the realities of your current life.
Don't expect yourself to be great at math or to have some attachment to spirituality.Evaluate yourself based on the NOW and your current skills, interests, and beliefs, and not on some past version of yourself. , Nobody is perfect.
Make that your new mantra.
You're never going to have the perfect life, the perfect body, the perfect family, the perfect job, and so on.
Neither will anyone else.
Perfection is an artificial notion created and proliferated by society and the media and it does a great disservice to most of us by suggesting that perfection IS attainable and the problem is simply that we're not up to snuff.Focus on effort rather than the desire for perfection.
If you don't try something because you're afraid you won't do it perfectly, then you don't stand a chance in the first place.
If you never try out for the basketball team it's a guarantee that you won't make the team.
Don't let the pressure to be perfect hold you back.Accept that you are a human being and that human beings are fundamentally imperfect and make mistakes.
Maybe you spoke too harshly to your child or told a white lie at work.
It's okay.
People make mistakes.
Instead of berating yourself for your errors, view them as opportunities to learn and grow and as things that you can rectify in the future.
Maybe you'll realize that you need to think more carefully before you speak or that lying is never a good thing to resort to.
Forgive yourself and move forward; this isn't easy but it's key to avoiding that cycle of self-pity and low self-esteem. -
Step 3: Take care of yourself.
-
Step 4: Look back on your life and your accomplishments.
-
Step 5: Do things you enjoy.
-
Step 6: Help someone.
-
Step 7: Adjust your self-image as needed.
-
Step 8: Let go of the idea of perfection.
Detailed Guide
Try to focus on positive, encouraging, and constructive thoughts.
Remember that you are a special, one-of-a-kind person that deserves love and respect
- from others and from yourself.
Try these strategies:
Use hopeful statements.
Be optimistic and avoid the self-fulfilling prophecy of pessimism.
If you expect bad things, they often occur.
For example, if you anticipate a presentation going poorly, it just might.
Instead, be positive.
Tell yourself, "Even though it's going to be a challenge, I can handle this presentation." Focus on "can" and avoid "should" statements. "Should" statements imply that there is something you ought to be doing and this might cause you to feel pressured if you can't meet these expectations.
Instead, focus on what you CAN do.
Focus on the positive.
Think about the good parts of your life.
Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently.
Consider the skills you've used to cope with challenging situations.
Be your own cheerleader.
Give yourself positive encouragement and credit for the positive things you do.
For example, you might note that although you're not getting all the exercise you'd like to be getting, you have been doing to the gym one extra day a week Give yourself credit for making positive changes.
For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal."
Write of lists of things you want to accomplish and set out to achieve these goals.
For example, you might decide to volunteer more, take up a new hobby, or spend time with friends.Make sure your goals and expectations are realistic.Striving for the impossible will only deflate, not enhance, self-esteem.
For example, don't suddenly decide that at age 40 your dream is to play professional hockey.
This is unrealistic and your self-esteem will likely take a hit once you realize how far away and unattainable that goal is.Instead, set more realistic goals, like deciding to learn how to play the guitar or a new sport.
Setting goals that you can consciously work towards and eventually meet can help you stop the cycle of negative thinking that services low self-esteem.
When you set and meet goals successfully, you will feel a sense of fulfillment and more able to let go of your feelings of low self-esteem for not meeting idealistic and fundamentally unattainable life goals, like being the perfect girlfriend or perfect cook or perfect whatever.
You could also set goals that help to you see and feel your own competencies.
For example, if you feel like you want to be better informed about the world, decide that you are going to read a newspaper every day for a month.
Or, say you want to empower yourself in knowing how to fix your own bike and opt to learn how to do your own tune-up.
Meeting goals that address things that help you feel powerful and capable will help you feel better about yourself as a whole. , Some of us spend so much time worrying about and caring for others that we neglect our own physical and mental well-being.
Alternatively, some of us feel so bad about ourselves that we think it's pointless to put time and effort into caring for ourselves.
Ultimately, taking care of yourself can also help improve your self-esteem.
The healthier you are in mind and body, the better the possibility that you will be satisfied with your self.
Note that taking care of yourself doesn't mean that you have to be skinny, super fit, and flawless.
Instead, in means doing your best to be healthy, whatever that may look like for you individually.
Some pointers include:
Eat at least three meals a day that are based on healthy and nutrient-rich foods, such as whole grains, poultry and fish, and fresh vegetables to keep yourself energized and nourished.
Drink water to hydrate your body.
Avoid processed, sugary, and caffeinated foods and/or drinks.
These can affect your mood and should be avoided if you're concerned about mood swings or negative emotions.
Exercise.
Research has shown that exercise can give a real boost to self-esteem.
This is because exercise causes the body to release the "happy chemicals" called endorphins.
This feeling of euphoria can be accompanied by increased positivity and energy.
Try to get up to at least 30 minutes of vigorous exercise at least three times a week.
At the very least, set aside time for a brisk walk every day.Reduce stress.
Make a plan to reduce the stress of your everyday life by designating time for relaxation and activities that bring you joy.
Meditate, take a yoga class, garden, or do whatever activity makes you feel calm and positive.
Note that being stressed can sometimes make it easier for people to overreact or let negative feelings dominate., Chances are that you are not giving yourself enough credit for everything that you've done throughout your life.
Impress yourself, not others.
Take some time to reflect and look back at your past glories from big to small; this will not only help you become more aware of these accomplishment but can also help validate your place in the world and the value you bring to the people and society around you.Grab a notebook or journal and set a timer for 20-30 minutes.
During this time, write a list of all of your accomplishments.
Keep in mind that everything should be included, from big accomplishments to the little everyday things.
Your list can include things like learning how to drive, going to college, moving into your own apartment, making a great friend, cooking a fancy meal, getting a degree or diploma, getting your first "adult" job, and so on.
The possibilities are endless! Return to the list periodically to add to it.
You'll see that you have lots to be proud of.Scan through old photos, scrap books, yearbooks, trip mementos, or even consider making a collage of your life and accomplishments to date., Set aside time to do something that makes you happy every day, whether that means cooking, reading, exercising, gardening, or spending an hour just talking with your spouse.
Don't feel guilty for this time you've set aside to enjoy; you deserve it.
Repeat that statement as needed..Experiment with new activities; you might learn about talents or skills you didn't know you possessed.
Maybe you take up running track and discover that you are really good at long-distance running, something you'd never thought of before.
This can help increase your self-esteem.Consider taking up artistic activities such as painting, music, poetry, and dance.
Artistic endeavors often help people learn how to express themselves and attain a sense of 'mastery' of a subject or skill.
Lots of community sentences offer free or reasonably-priced classes. , Research has shown that people who volunteer tend to feel happier and have higher self-esteem.
It may seem paradoxical that to feel better about yourself you should help someone else, but the science does indeed that feelings of social connectedness that accompany volunteering or helping others make us feel more positive about ourselves.There are endless opportunities to help others in the world.
Volunteer at a retirement home or a homeless shelter.
Get involved with your church in a ministry to the sick or the poor.
Donate your time and service to a humane animal shelter.
Be a Big Brother or Big Sister.
Clean up a local park on a community-organized occasion. , You change all the time, and you need to update your perception of yourself to match your current self.
For example, increasing your self-esteem is pointless if the image you hold of yourself isn't accurate.
Maybe as a kid you were really strong in math but now you can barely calculate the area of your house.
Maybe you were once deeply religious but now you identify agnostic and no longer attend church.
Adjust your perception of yourself to match up with the realities of your current life.
Don't expect yourself to be great at math or to have some attachment to spirituality.Evaluate yourself based on the NOW and your current skills, interests, and beliefs, and not on some past version of yourself. , Nobody is perfect.
Make that your new mantra.
You're never going to have the perfect life, the perfect body, the perfect family, the perfect job, and so on.
Neither will anyone else.
Perfection is an artificial notion created and proliferated by society and the media and it does a great disservice to most of us by suggesting that perfection IS attainable and the problem is simply that we're not up to snuff.Focus on effort rather than the desire for perfection.
If you don't try something because you're afraid you won't do it perfectly, then you don't stand a chance in the first place.
If you never try out for the basketball team it's a guarantee that you won't make the team.
Don't let the pressure to be perfect hold you back.Accept that you are a human being and that human beings are fundamentally imperfect and make mistakes.
Maybe you spoke too harshly to your child or told a white lie at work.
It's okay.
People make mistakes.
Instead of berating yourself for your errors, view them as opportunities to learn and grow and as things that you can rectify in the future.
Maybe you'll realize that you need to think more carefully before you speak or that lying is never a good thing to resort to.
Forgive yourself and move forward; this isn't easy but it's key to avoiding that cycle of self-pity and low self-esteem.
About the Author
Tyler Moore
Brings years of experience writing about home improvement and related subjects.
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