How to Encourage Someone to Reconsider Expressing Their Sexual Orientation

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Consider their safety.

   Unfortunately, if your loved one is dependent on deeply homophobic parents/guardians, they may not be safe if they come out.Figure out whether your loved one is at risk of...
   
   Abuse (physical or verbal); attempts to "scare them straight" Dangerous conversion/reparative therapy Homelessness Having college/education funds taken away If your loved one is at risk of any of the following, it's safest for them to stay in the closet until they are no longer dependent on their parents/guardians, at which point they can choose.
2. 2

   Step 2: Take aside your loved one to talk in private.

   Choose a quiet time, if possible, where disapproving parents/guardians can't overhear.
   
   You can say "I have something very important I need to tell you in private." Do this sooner, rather than later.
   
   You don't know how soon your loved one might be thinking about coming out. , Explain that while you care deeply about them and love them unconditionally, you're worried that their parents/guardians won't.
   
   This is a good time to give out any evidence you may have (e.g. if you overheard their dad saying that gay children should be kicked out of their homes).
   
   For example, "Maya, I'm really proud of you for accepting yourself as bisexual, and being ready to share it.
   
   But I'm worried about your safety.
   
   Your mom has expressed some scary views in church about gay people going to hell, and she sounded really angry about it.
   
   I'm worried about what could happen to you if she knew." Your loved one probably has had an inkling that their parents/guardians are not supportive. , It can be deeply upsetting for your loved one to find out that they aren't safe in their own home.
   
   You can't protect them from this pain, but you can remind them that they have your unconditional support.
   
   Tell them that you're proud of them for coming out to you, and that you love them (orientation and all). , You can give input, but ultimately, it's up to them.
   
   They know their family dynamics best, and it's up to them to weigh the risks and benefits and make the choice.
   
   Your job here is to offer advice and information, not to choose for them. , Maybe they can't safely express themselves at home, but they can do so at your house, or when you hang out one-on-one or in an accepting group of friends.
   
   Can they come out to some people, and not others? Consider who is accepting, and who can keep secrets.
   
   A support network can be incredibly helpful in this difficult time. , Encourage them to contact you or an adult you both trust if this happens.
   
   Would it be possible for your loved one to stay at your house for a while, if they've been kicked out or are afraid of their safety? Which authority figures can be trusted? Who could help? If they need money for college, are scholarships and financial aid available? Are there any nearby organizations for LGBT+ teens who are homeless or being abused? Look up the numbers of child safety hotlines, such as 1-800-4-A-CHILD.
3. 3

   Step 3: Explain your worries to your loved one.

4. 4

   Step 4: Reaffirm that you're there for them.

5. 5

   Step 5: Let your loved one make their own decision.

6. 6

   Step 6: Offer a place for them to be themselves.

7. 7

   Step 7: Help them make a safety plan.Whether your loved one decides to take the risk of coming out

8. 8

   Step 8: or they want to keep it a secret

9. 9

   Step 9: there is a risk of parents finding out and getting angry.

Detailed Guide

About the Author