How to Find Your Inner Self
Think about the moments you are most proud of in your life., Identify your values., Determine the things you want in life., Think about how you'd spend your time if you had total freedom., Reconsider the facts, ideas, and outlooks you grew up with...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Think about the moments you are most proud of in your life.
Finding meaning in your life is not easy, nor should it be, but you can get wonderful clues from your own past.
Think about the things that brought your great pride in yourself, as these are often the moments where you found the most meaning and purpose while working, traveling, or learning.
What makes these moments so special? What challenged or excited you about the work? What motivated you to succeed? -
Step 2: Identify your values.
Identifying your values is an important part of finding your inner self.
As you reflect on things that made you proud, think about what these experiences reveal about your values.
Try asking yourself, what values are connected with the things that make me feel proud?For example, if you felt proud at your high school graduation, then you might value education.
If you felt proud when you received a promotion at work, then you might value professional achievement.
If you felt proud when you planned a surprise party for your mother, then you might value family and doing nice things for other people.
Start creating a list of all of your values.
You might even rank them in order of their importance to you. , Finding your inner self is as much about looking forward as looking back.
Whether it is a job, a house in your favorite town, a loving partner, or lazy Sundays with a book, your desires reveal a lot about you.
Simply jot down the things you want in life.
Don't be shy, and don't filter this list of things in any way.
Which ones are you pursuing? Which ones have your forgotten about? Which ones matter most? What kind of person do you imagine when looking at your own list of wants and priorities? , Would you write the novel you always talk about, or would you get to work constructing a patio? Would you travel the world or sit inside with a good movie? If money wasn't an option, would you grab the non-profit job you've always eyed or pursue an old hobby? These ideas are not just fantasies, they are a version of you unburdened by stress and logistics.
Finding that version of yourself is the first step in making it a reality.
Be specific in your thoughts, imagining a full day in the life of your dreams.
These dreams aren't always easy to attain, but that is okay.
The point is to become conscious of your hopes and goals, as they reveal a lot about your priorities., A simple example is with food: you may have detested pickles growing up, only to find years later that they aren't so bad.
You often convince yourself things like, "I hate pickles," "I am a morning person," "I am good at math but bad at English," when it is the thought alone, not any real fact, that makes this true.
Whenever you're absolutely sure about some part of yourself, flip the thought on its head before believing it.
Do you believe it out of habit, or because it is true? People change, and by firmly saying "I am _______," you risk missing those changes within yourself.
More often than not, these ideas are self-fulfilling.
If you always tell yourself you are awkward on dates, then any date you go on makes you nervous and self-conscience.
This of course, makes you more awkward., At any one time, you may be considered a daughter, a girlfriend, an employee, and a tennis player.
These labels are important to help define your roles and responsibilities in the world, but they are not you.
They are just labels, and you are far more complex and nuanced than a few words.
Instead, look beyond these labels at the concepts behind them.
If you see yourself as a daughter, ask why that role is important to you.
Is family an essential anchor in your life? When stressed, do you turn often to parents and relatives? If you see yourself as a girlfriend, ask yourself what your partner highlights or brings out in you.
Remember that are not defined by romance, but you can learn about yourself by growing intimate with someone.
If you see yourself as an employee, ask where your personal goals or ideas meet with your company's.
They won't perfectly align, and that's okay
-- you are not just an employee.
If you see yourself as a tennis player, ask yourself what goals or aspirations you have on the court.
What draws you to the sport?, Personality tests, like the psychologically-based Meyers-Briggs test, are great places to ask good, insightful questions about yourself.
They also provide broad but generally useful thoughts on how you handle stress, relationships, creativity, and emotions.
They are not, however, perfect representations of your personality.
The important thing to remember is that they are jumping off points to understanding, not the end of the road.When you get test results, ask yourself which parts ring true to you? What parts surprise you? Most importantly, what parts feel false or untrue, and why? You can find many of these tests online for free.
If you do, prioritize tests that ask lots of questions, at least thirty or more, and compare the results of 2-3 tests to minimize mistakes. , You're not going to find your inner self if you don't go looking for it.
Meditation is not as difficult or complex as people claim, as even sitting for a few minutes in a quiet room is a great way to tune into yourself.
Remember that mediation is not an end but a mean, meant to help you think about the difficult questions that you otherwise don't make time for.
If you're struggling to relax, concentrate on your breathing.
Where is it coming from? How does your body react to inhalations and exhalations? What is your natural rhythm? If your thoughts are racing or you feel bored, that's okay! Instead of feeling like you somehow failed, ask yourself why you're feeling these things.
What in your life is taking up so much headspace?, Understanding your inner self is a never-ending process because you are always changing.
Instead of viewing your inner self as something you find once and know forever, you should always be looking inward to learn more about yourself.
As you life and surroundings change, you do too.
Don't close yourself off to these new realizations because you believe you know everything there is to know about yourself.
Looking back on your life, note how often you were wrong about yourself.
How often did your likes, desires, goals, etc. change as you grew older? Even if you're sure about yourself now, this change will always happen as you move through life. -
Step 3: Determine the things you want in life.
-
Step 4: Think about how you'd spend your time if you had total freedom.
-
Step 5: Reconsider the facts
-
Step 6: and outlooks you grew up with or take for granted.
-
Step 7: Dig beyond the simplistic labels given to you by others.
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Step 8: Consider taking an in-depth personality test as a jumping off point.
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Step 9: Meditate or spend 10 minutes each day in quiet reflection.
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Step 10: Remember that this is a life-long process
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Step 11: not an quickly accomplished goal.
Detailed Guide
Finding meaning in your life is not easy, nor should it be, but you can get wonderful clues from your own past.
Think about the things that brought your great pride in yourself, as these are often the moments where you found the most meaning and purpose while working, traveling, or learning.
What makes these moments so special? What challenged or excited you about the work? What motivated you to succeed?
Identifying your values is an important part of finding your inner self.
As you reflect on things that made you proud, think about what these experiences reveal about your values.
Try asking yourself, what values are connected with the things that make me feel proud?For example, if you felt proud at your high school graduation, then you might value education.
If you felt proud when you received a promotion at work, then you might value professional achievement.
If you felt proud when you planned a surprise party for your mother, then you might value family and doing nice things for other people.
Start creating a list of all of your values.
You might even rank them in order of their importance to you. , Finding your inner self is as much about looking forward as looking back.
Whether it is a job, a house in your favorite town, a loving partner, or lazy Sundays with a book, your desires reveal a lot about you.
Simply jot down the things you want in life.
Don't be shy, and don't filter this list of things in any way.
Which ones are you pursuing? Which ones have your forgotten about? Which ones matter most? What kind of person do you imagine when looking at your own list of wants and priorities? , Would you write the novel you always talk about, or would you get to work constructing a patio? Would you travel the world or sit inside with a good movie? If money wasn't an option, would you grab the non-profit job you've always eyed or pursue an old hobby? These ideas are not just fantasies, they are a version of you unburdened by stress and logistics.
Finding that version of yourself is the first step in making it a reality.
Be specific in your thoughts, imagining a full day in the life of your dreams.
These dreams aren't always easy to attain, but that is okay.
The point is to become conscious of your hopes and goals, as they reveal a lot about your priorities., A simple example is with food: you may have detested pickles growing up, only to find years later that they aren't so bad.
You often convince yourself things like, "I hate pickles," "I am a morning person," "I am good at math but bad at English," when it is the thought alone, not any real fact, that makes this true.
Whenever you're absolutely sure about some part of yourself, flip the thought on its head before believing it.
Do you believe it out of habit, or because it is true? People change, and by firmly saying "I am _______," you risk missing those changes within yourself.
More often than not, these ideas are self-fulfilling.
If you always tell yourself you are awkward on dates, then any date you go on makes you nervous and self-conscience.
This of course, makes you more awkward., At any one time, you may be considered a daughter, a girlfriend, an employee, and a tennis player.
These labels are important to help define your roles and responsibilities in the world, but they are not you.
They are just labels, and you are far more complex and nuanced than a few words.
Instead, look beyond these labels at the concepts behind them.
If you see yourself as a daughter, ask why that role is important to you.
Is family an essential anchor in your life? When stressed, do you turn often to parents and relatives? If you see yourself as a girlfriend, ask yourself what your partner highlights or brings out in you.
Remember that are not defined by romance, but you can learn about yourself by growing intimate with someone.
If you see yourself as an employee, ask where your personal goals or ideas meet with your company's.
They won't perfectly align, and that's okay
-- you are not just an employee.
If you see yourself as a tennis player, ask yourself what goals or aspirations you have on the court.
What draws you to the sport?, Personality tests, like the psychologically-based Meyers-Briggs test, are great places to ask good, insightful questions about yourself.
They also provide broad but generally useful thoughts on how you handle stress, relationships, creativity, and emotions.
They are not, however, perfect representations of your personality.
The important thing to remember is that they are jumping off points to understanding, not the end of the road.When you get test results, ask yourself which parts ring true to you? What parts surprise you? Most importantly, what parts feel false or untrue, and why? You can find many of these tests online for free.
If you do, prioritize tests that ask lots of questions, at least thirty or more, and compare the results of 2-3 tests to minimize mistakes. , You're not going to find your inner self if you don't go looking for it.
Meditation is not as difficult or complex as people claim, as even sitting for a few minutes in a quiet room is a great way to tune into yourself.
Remember that mediation is not an end but a mean, meant to help you think about the difficult questions that you otherwise don't make time for.
If you're struggling to relax, concentrate on your breathing.
Where is it coming from? How does your body react to inhalations and exhalations? What is your natural rhythm? If your thoughts are racing or you feel bored, that's okay! Instead of feeling like you somehow failed, ask yourself why you're feeling these things.
What in your life is taking up so much headspace?, Understanding your inner self is a never-ending process because you are always changing.
Instead of viewing your inner self as something you find once and know forever, you should always be looking inward to learn more about yourself.
As you life and surroundings change, you do too.
Don't close yourself off to these new realizations because you believe you know everything there is to know about yourself.
Looking back on your life, note how often you were wrong about yourself.
How often did your likes, desires, goals, etc. change as you grew older? Even if you're sure about yourself now, this change will always happen as you move through life.
About the Author
Joan Jimenez
Specializes in breaking down complex DIY projects topics into simple steps.
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