How to Get over Your Fear of Slenderman
Know that you could take him., Think about his background., Think about his mortality., Visualize his hugs., Know that he's virtually senseless., Picture him as calamari.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Know that you could take him.
Sure, maybe he's 7 feet (2.1 m) tall (2.1 m), but he's a stick.
You know his name, Slenderman? It's because he's skinny, VERY SKINNY! And he was probably a geek in high school, which is why he's acting like a 'scary masked man'.
You could totally kick his flat butt if he came at you.
Think of some names equivalent to Slenderman and just how absolutely non-scary they are.
Fatboy.
Voluptuousgirl.
Pear-shapedandrogynousperson.
Really? You're gonna let a guy named Slenderman get the better of you? C'mon.
You can do better than that. -
Step 2: Think about his background.
Let's take what we know about this guy (which, admittedly, is very little):
He wears a suit every day.
What kind of person wears a suit every day? Either he's incredibly educated and has a well paying job or he's Barney Stinson.
Let's consider both theories:
Slenderman is wealthy and educated.
If this is the case, he's probably open to reason.
Odds are he prefers the aisle seat on an airplane, doesn't eat very much junk food, watches very little television, and listens to audio books on his commute to work.Now that you know some of his tendencies, you can strike up a conversation! Humans only fear the unknown.
Slenderman is a misunderstood Barney Stinson.
If this is the case, it's possible that his creepily sneaking into houses is his move.
The man is just trying to get some love'.
Can you really hold that against him? C'mon, even a mother wouldn't love that face, much less a woman outside his family.
Life's probably been really rough.
He needs understanding and care. , Think about the other part of his name
-- Slenderman.
He's a man.
He has hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, and desires
-- loads of which are probably unfulfilled, just like the rest of us.
Hell, he's wandering around the woods with no one to talk to.
How terrible a fate! He probably prays for death every day, but it never comes.
Slenderman will die.
That is, if you believe he's alive (more on that later).
He has not been alive since the height of the Egyptian empire and he cannot haunt you forever.
In fact, he probably gets a cold a few times a year.
He's just like the rest of us.
Mere mortal.
Names that end in
-man are usually of Germanic origin.
If you see him, strike up a conversation about pretzels, beer, or the current economic crisis.
You might wanna stay away from WWII, for the record
-- Slenderman might be Jewish.
No one's seen him in synagogue, but maybe that's because he looks terrible in a yarmulke. , Do you know how many people Slenderman could hug at once? How amazing would it feel to be in a group of half a dozen people, all sharing the same hug at the same time?! Think of the bonding! Those arms could wrap around you and keep your warm for ages.
All you have to do is get on his good side.
It's highly likely that Slenderman doesn't get a lot of hugs; lots of people are probably intimidated by his inhuman-like proportions or tentacle-ness.
Next time you dream about Slenderman, think about hugging him.
Heck, he'll probably start blubbering like a baby and talking to you about how he was called "Octopus Boy" as a child. , The guy has no eyes, nose, mouth, or ears.
Think about that.
He cannot see you, smell you, breathe on you, or hear you.
Like, for real now.
If someone put you in the woods weaponless and blindfolded, chopped off your ears, nose, and duct taped your mouth, how powerful would you be? Not very.
The squirrels would even be able to take you.
Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, he probably has a sixth sense of some sort.
Maybe he sees dead people.
So, yeah, he can teleport.
That's awesome.
More on that in a bit.
But even if he does have a sixth sense, you still have 4 that he doesn't. , Those tentacle arms that pop out of his back would be delicious.
Not to go all cannibalistic on you, but if you were to eat Slenderman (think battered and deep-fried)...yum.
LifeGuide Hub can help you here with articles on cooking calamari and frying calamari.
You don't have to eat it/him, but it would make for an interesting turn of events.
If you do ever succeed in coming close enough to Slenderman to chop off one of his tentacle arms, you probably just wanna do him off for good.
If you're the one that chopped off his arm, he'd probably come after you like Richard Kimball went after the one-armed man. -
Step 3: Think about his mortality.
-
Step 4: Visualize his hugs.
-
Step 5: Know that he's virtually senseless.
-
Step 6: Picture him as calamari.
Detailed Guide
Sure, maybe he's 7 feet (2.1 m) tall (2.1 m), but he's a stick.
You know his name, Slenderman? It's because he's skinny, VERY SKINNY! And he was probably a geek in high school, which is why he's acting like a 'scary masked man'.
You could totally kick his flat butt if he came at you.
Think of some names equivalent to Slenderman and just how absolutely non-scary they are.
Fatboy.
Voluptuousgirl.
Pear-shapedandrogynousperson.
Really? You're gonna let a guy named Slenderman get the better of you? C'mon.
You can do better than that.
Let's take what we know about this guy (which, admittedly, is very little):
He wears a suit every day.
What kind of person wears a suit every day? Either he's incredibly educated and has a well paying job or he's Barney Stinson.
Let's consider both theories:
Slenderman is wealthy and educated.
If this is the case, he's probably open to reason.
Odds are he prefers the aisle seat on an airplane, doesn't eat very much junk food, watches very little television, and listens to audio books on his commute to work.Now that you know some of his tendencies, you can strike up a conversation! Humans only fear the unknown.
Slenderman is a misunderstood Barney Stinson.
If this is the case, it's possible that his creepily sneaking into houses is his move.
The man is just trying to get some love'.
Can you really hold that against him? C'mon, even a mother wouldn't love that face, much less a woman outside his family.
Life's probably been really rough.
He needs understanding and care. , Think about the other part of his name
-- Slenderman.
He's a man.
He has hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, and desires
-- loads of which are probably unfulfilled, just like the rest of us.
Hell, he's wandering around the woods with no one to talk to.
How terrible a fate! He probably prays for death every day, but it never comes.
Slenderman will die.
That is, if you believe he's alive (more on that later).
He has not been alive since the height of the Egyptian empire and he cannot haunt you forever.
In fact, he probably gets a cold a few times a year.
He's just like the rest of us.
Mere mortal.
Names that end in
-man are usually of Germanic origin.
If you see him, strike up a conversation about pretzels, beer, or the current economic crisis.
You might wanna stay away from WWII, for the record
-- Slenderman might be Jewish.
No one's seen him in synagogue, but maybe that's because he looks terrible in a yarmulke. , Do you know how many people Slenderman could hug at once? How amazing would it feel to be in a group of half a dozen people, all sharing the same hug at the same time?! Think of the bonding! Those arms could wrap around you and keep your warm for ages.
All you have to do is get on his good side.
It's highly likely that Slenderman doesn't get a lot of hugs; lots of people are probably intimidated by his inhuman-like proportions or tentacle-ness.
Next time you dream about Slenderman, think about hugging him.
Heck, he'll probably start blubbering like a baby and talking to you about how he was called "Octopus Boy" as a child. , The guy has no eyes, nose, mouth, or ears.
Think about that.
He cannot see you, smell you, breathe on you, or hear you.
Like, for real now.
If someone put you in the woods weaponless and blindfolded, chopped off your ears, nose, and duct taped your mouth, how powerful would you be? Not very.
The squirrels would even be able to take you.
Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, he probably has a sixth sense of some sort.
Maybe he sees dead people.
So, yeah, he can teleport.
That's awesome.
More on that in a bit.
But even if he does have a sixth sense, you still have 4 that he doesn't. , Those tentacle arms that pop out of his back would be delicious.
Not to go all cannibalistic on you, but if you were to eat Slenderman (think battered and deep-fried)...yum.
LifeGuide Hub can help you here with articles on cooking calamari and frying calamari.
You don't have to eat it/him, but it would make for an interesting turn of events.
If you do ever succeed in coming close enough to Slenderman to chop off one of his tentacle arms, you probably just wanna do him off for good.
If you're the one that chopped off his arm, he'd probably come after you like Richard Kimball went after the one-armed man.
About the Author
George Davis
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow hobbies tutorials.
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