How to Get Rid of Clingy People
Acknowledge your feelings., Decide the boundaries that need to be set., Be direct., Expect the other person to be angry.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Acknowledge your feelings.
Before you can set boundaries, you have to identify exactly what you are feeling.
You can become so overwhelmed by the other person's actions that you are not sure how you feel.The two most common emotions you may be feeling are discomfort or resentment.How do you feel when the person intrudes on your time or your space? How do you feel when you are around the person, but you would rather not be? Are there specific actions (e.g showing up uninvited, calling late at night, etc.) that cause these feelings? -
Step 2: Decide the boundaries that need to be set.
Once you have identified your specific feelings regarding the clingy person, you can develop the boundaries that you need to set.
The boundaries should be specific to the actions of the person.For example, if the person calls you excessively or late at night, your boundary may be to stop answering phone calls or not answering phone calls after a certain time.
Set realistic boundaries that you will actually follow through with.
Do not say that you will never talk to a person again if you know that you are not ready to take that step.
Create consequences for your boundaries as well.
If the person does not do ____, what will you do? , Communicate your boundaries to the other person.
Do not talk to the person when you are angry or annoyed.
Be calm and assertive as you set your boundaries.
Tell the other person that you are setting the boundaries as a way to take care of yourself, not to be rude or harmful.If you are nervous about talking to the other person, write down your boundaries so that you do not forget them during the conversation.
For example, you might decide to say something like, “Sara, you know that I care about you and our friendship, and I always want to be honest with you.
Lately, I have felt smothered because you call me eight times per day, so I’d like to set a boundary at only one phone call per day." You can also practice the conversation with a friend or family member that you trust.
Have your practice partner respond as the clingy person would., When you set boundaries, you are changing the nature of the relationship with the other person.
The other person will probably not like what you are doing and may become angry.
Recognize that the anger is not your responsibility, but the other person's responsibility.Do not let the other person's anger change the boundaries you have set.
Continue on the path you are on.
Allow the person to be angry and do not try to argue with them.
For example, if the person tells you that you are being mean, rude, or selfish, do not try to explain to them how you are not any of those things.
You will not be able to have a constructive conversation with a person when anger is involved. -
Step 3: Be direct.
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Step 4: Expect the other person to be angry.
Detailed Guide
Before you can set boundaries, you have to identify exactly what you are feeling.
You can become so overwhelmed by the other person's actions that you are not sure how you feel.The two most common emotions you may be feeling are discomfort or resentment.How do you feel when the person intrudes on your time or your space? How do you feel when you are around the person, but you would rather not be? Are there specific actions (e.g showing up uninvited, calling late at night, etc.) that cause these feelings?
Once you have identified your specific feelings regarding the clingy person, you can develop the boundaries that you need to set.
The boundaries should be specific to the actions of the person.For example, if the person calls you excessively or late at night, your boundary may be to stop answering phone calls or not answering phone calls after a certain time.
Set realistic boundaries that you will actually follow through with.
Do not say that you will never talk to a person again if you know that you are not ready to take that step.
Create consequences for your boundaries as well.
If the person does not do ____, what will you do? , Communicate your boundaries to the other person.
Do not talk to the person when you are angry or annoyed.
Be calm and assertive as you set your boundaries.
Tell the other person that you are setting the boundaries as a way to take care of yourself, not to be rude or harmful.If you are nervous about talking to the other person, write down your boundaries so that you do not forget them during the conversation.
For example, you might decide to say something like, “Sara, you know that I care about you and our friendship, and I always want to be honest with you.
Lately, I have felt smothered because you call me eight times per day, so I’d like to set a boundary at only one phone call per day." You can also practice the conversation with a friend or family member that you trust.
Have your practice partner respond as the clingy person would., When you set boundaries, you are changing the nature of the relationship with the other person.
The other person will probably not like what you are doing and may become angry.
Recognize that the anger is not your responsibility, but the other person's responsibility.Do not let the other person's anger change the boundaries you have set.
Continue on the path you are on.
Allow the person to be angry and do not try to argue with them.
For example, if the person tells you that you are being mean, rude, or selfish, do not try to explain to them how you are not any of those things.
You will not be able to have a constructive conversation with a person when anger is involved.
About the Author
Jack Nguyen
Jack Nguyen specializes in educational content and has been creating helpful content for over 1 years. Jack is committed to helping readers learn new skills and improve their lives.
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