How to Help a Hypersensitive Autistic Person
Assume they mean it when someone says that something hurts., Don't act like it's just a phase, or a childish attempt at attention., Ask how you can help them., Realize that symptoms vary, both from day to day and from person to person., Set up an...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Assume they mean it when someone says that something hurts.
Autistic people's brains are structured differently from neurotypical people's brains.
A noise that barely bothers you could feel like being thrust into the middle of an enormous marching band to them.
Assume that their pain is real and serious. , Sensory Processing Disorder is a medical condition that can cause distraction, discomfort, or even pain.Depending on the severity of the stimuli and disorder, it can cause...
Meltdowns and shutdowns Loss of speech Crying Pain Nausea/vomiting , Be proactive—talk to them before they start becoming distressed. Ask them about their needs, and how you could accommodate them.
Prevention is the best way to handle pain or crises.
Ask when you notice that they look upset. "I notice that you're clenching your fists very hard.
Is the music bothering you, or is it something else?" If the person cannot speak or use alternative communication, you will have to observe and guess what is bothering them. , Stress or tiredness can make sensory processing more difficult, and their needs might be different from one day to the next.
Expect them to be hypersensitive to some things and hyposensitive to others.
For example, maybe they are very sensitive to touch, but none of the tips in the "Vision" section apply to them.
Even within sections, some steps may not apply to them.
Autistic people are very diverse! Each person's needs are different. , That way, they will be able to leave and cool off before a meltdown can occur.
Help them identify good stims and self-calming strategies (e.g. counting, deep breathing, visualization).
Set up a quiet place at home or at school.
Make sure that they have a way to communicate when they need to leave.
Encourage them to tell you as soon as they feel distressed, so it doesn't build up, and explain that they are never a bother. , Anxiety about pain or overwhelm can play a role in sensory overload, so reducing their worries can help minimize the effects.
Kindness can defuse a stressful situation.
Validate their feelings and let them know you care., Some autistic people experience these rarely; others melt down nearly every day.
If they can communicate well, others always listen to their communication, and you do your best to be proactive, then meltdowns will be rare or nonexistent.
Here are things that may happen in a meltdown:
Attempts to leave (Help them leave.) Strained tone of voice (They may sound curt without meaning to; they are simply in a lot of pain) Out-of-control behavior (sobbing, flopping onto the floor, self-injury) Never block their exit (they may panic) or call the American police.
American police may respond with violence, and traumatize or kill them instead of helping., This will reduce hypersensitivity in the long run.
They can also teach useful coping techniques, such as stims and exercises., Autistic people have a large presence online, where they share tips with each other about how to handle various problems.
Check out the #askanautistic and #actuallyautistic hashtags to begin., Validate their feelings, support them, and gently guide them.
This way, they will know that they can talk to you when they need things., Fill rooms with calming pastel colors and minimal distractions (e.g. posters, toys outside of shelves, windows without curtains).
Relaxing colors will help keep the autistic person from being distracted, because there will be less irrelevant sights to absorb.
Use cupboards and bins to help minimize visual clutter. , Choose closed-off areas as possible, or areas next to a wall or corner.
Minimal movement will help the autistic person focus on you, rather than that noisy dog or businesswoman on her cell phone., Some autistic people prefer to sit facing away from visually distracting areas.
Others prefer to sit facing them, so that nothing can catch them by surprise.
Ask them what works.
Autistic students can often concentrate best if they sit at the very front of the class.
Open doors and windows may be a distraction if there is movement outside.
Let them sit in a corner or next to a wall if possible. , These may flicker, and even if it's imperceptible to you, it may be very painful or distracting to the autistic person.
It may even cause a seizure.
Leave right away if the lights are bothering them.
Lights should not flash, flicker, or strobe., Open doors and people walking around the room can make it more difficult for an autistic person to focus., This can help, but it won't necessarily fix the problem.
Let the autistic person leave if it still bothers them. , Just as with visual hypersensitivity, autistic people with sensitive hearing can focus best when they are not in crowded areas full of sound., Slamming doors, the clatter of plates, loudly clapping hands, etc. can all startle an autistic person and upset them.
Ask the autistic person what bothers them, and find ways to work around it.
Don't allow doors to slam behind you.
Clap at a quiet or moderate volume.
Set down heavy things gradually, so they do not make a loud noise. , Autistic people can better handle loud sounds when they have some warning to brace themselves, prepare with earplugs or covering ears, or leave.
If you need to run the vacuum or the blender, tell the autistic person first, so they can employ a coping strategy., These can be more effective (or a good addition to) covering their ears.
White/brown noise, noise-cancelling headphones, and thick rugs can also minimize sound for them.
An autistic person with strong hearing may be able to hear you while wearing earplugs or headphones. , If someone is being loud, or is upsetting the autistic person, briefly and gently explain.
Some people think it is funny to startle an autistic person and watch them get upset.
This is not funny to the autistic person, and is a type of bullying.
Take the person aside and explain that this is not acceptable. , Strong smells may be distracting, distressing, or even nauseating to an autistic person.
If you take the autistic person shopping with you, offer to let them sniff the bottle and choose the smell that seems least disturbing., To you, it might smell nice, but to them, it may feel as intense as wading through a sewer.
Ask them which smells bother them, so you know what to avoid.
Ask if there are any spices that they cannot bear smelling.
Only make the especially strong-smelling foods when they are out of the house, and will be gone for a while. , Open windows or set up fans while cooking.
This will help disperse the smell.
Even when it feels gone to you, it could still be quite strong to the autistic person., Imagine being forced to eat next to a guy wearing overpowering cologne—and then triple that effect.
If the autistic person shows signs of distress, let them go somewhere else.
Some people have strong smells, either from perfume or cologne, or from not showering regularly.
If the autistic person wants to sit at a distance from other people, let them.They can eat in their bedroom or outdoors.
Or perhaps they will eat at a friend's house on nights that you make chili. , If you think that a three-year-old could eat it, then a hypersensitive autistic person could probably handle it too.
Here are some examples of mild meals that they may like:
Hamburgers Chicken breast with ranch dressing Noodles with marinara or butter Cheese pizza Chicken nuggets , Autistic people may gag on strawberries because of seeds, or refuse to eat blueberries because they feel like "juice bombs." Ask the autistic person beforehand about what they can and can't handle., This includes not only pepper or chili powder, but onions and garlic.
Any strong flavoring can make food inedible to a hypersensitive autistic person.
The autistic person will be able to eat the food plain.
People who love spicy/flavorful food can make it even stronger. , It may seem silly to you, but the blend of tastes and textures can make it unpalatable for autistic people.
This is less important with solid foods (e.g.
French fries and chicken), but very important for less solid foods (e.g. applesauce and broccoli with melted cheese)., If you do so, they may find out, and suddenly become suspicious of all food you give them.
If you want to give it a try, involve them in the process.
Always ask them for permission first, and try involving them in the meal prep to reduce anxiety. , If an autistic person doesn't eat a big piece of chicken, it may be because the breading is spicy, or because they lack the motor skills to cut it into appropriately-sized pieces.
It's best to ask why they aren't touching it., Autistic people may kick off their shoes or take off outer layers of clothing.
Don't make it a big deal.
Let them do what they need in order to be comfortable.Obviously, stripping down to one's underwear is not a good idea in public.
Teach an autistic child how to maintain basic modesty, ask for ice water or air conditioning if they are hot, and choose comfortable clothes. , With neurotypicals, a tap on the shoulder is a great way to get attention.
With autistic people, it can be very alarming.
Make sure that they can see it coming, and that they are okay with it.
Ask first: "Would you like a hug?" Or extend your arms to offer a hug, and see if they reciprocate.
Never touch them from behind or without warning.
Remember that sensitivity varies from day to day.
One day, they might love a hug, and the next, it might be too much to handle.
This says nothing about how much they care about you.
Teach children to respect personal space and touch preferences. , For instance, rubbing their back when they are eating or doing homework may cause them to freeze, because they cannot process touch and their activities at the same time.
Don't be surprised if they go limp when they hug you.
If they smile or rest their head on you, that's their way of hugging you back. , Sitting on an exercise ball or sensory seat wedge might be more comfortable to them.
Make sure they have access to stim toys.
In classroom settings, let the autistic person take frequent bathroom and snack breaks as needed. , Itchy fabrics or sharp tags may make certain clothes unwearable.
Clothes shopping may be more difficult.
Look for soft and breathable fabrics—cotton usually works well.
Set aside plenty of time for shopping.
If your child feels rushed, they may end up buying something that they can't actually handle wearing.
Donate any clothes that turn out to be too uncomfortable.
This also goes for undergarments. , Scented detergents, or ones with certain chemicals, may cause rashes or discomfort.
See which detergents are recommended for infants—an autistic child or adult's skin may be just as sensitive., The autistic person won't only touch their clothes—blankets, bedsheets, padded chairs, and more are all options.
Spend a little extra to find soft bedsheets that the autistic person likes.
The boost in mood is worth the price.
If buying chairs for their room, look for the softest, most plush chair available.
Have them try it out before purchasing.
When buying blankets or bedsheets, have them touch all the items in the aisle and select their favorite.
If they like stuffed animals, pick out the softest ones. , This provides calming stimulation that allows them to handle touch better.
Buy a weighted vest, blanket, or lap pad. (Large beanbags also work.) Brush them, or provide a brush so they can brush themselves.
Give them a massage or a tight hug. -
Step 2: Don't act like it's just a phase
-
Step 3: or a childish attempt at attention.
-
Step 4: Ask how you can help them.
-
Step 5: Realize that symptoms vary
-
Step 6: both from day to day and from person to person.
-
Step 7: Set up an action plan for when they feel overwhelmed.
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Step 8: Be patient and accommodating.
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Step 9: Know that it is possible that you will witness a meltdown or shutdown.
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Step 10: Help them find a good occupational therapist
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Step 11: if possible.An occupational therapist can introduce them to stimuli in controlled
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Step 12: nonthreatening ways to help desensitize them.
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Step 13: Find out what other autistic people do to handle Sensory Processing Disorder.
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Step 14: Always listen to them—about their feelings and their needs.
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Step 15: Keep any room decorations subtle.
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Step 16: Pick places that won't be crowded when going outdoors.
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Step 17: Choose seating based on their visual hypersensitivity.
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Step 18: Beware fluorescent lights.
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Step 19: Minimize ambient movement during class time or other times of concentration.
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Step 20: Suggest sunglasses and/or putting up their hood if they are bothered by something that is out of your control.
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Step 21: Find quiet
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Step 22: peaceful areas to hang out.
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Step 23: Avoid making sudden noises.
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Step 24: Announce loud noises before you make them.
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Step 25: Make sure that they have access to earplugs and/or headphones.
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Step 26: Remind other people to be considerate.
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Step 27: Choose cleaning products without a strong smell.
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Step 28: Avoid cooking foods that smell incredibly strong.
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Step 29: Make sure there is adequate ventilation.
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Step 30: Allow them to leave
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Step 31: or sit away from other people.
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Step 32: Provide bland "kid food" or "American food."
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Step 33: Consider the texture of the food as well.
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Step 34: Serve any spices and flavorings on the side.
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Step 35: Avoid allowing foods to touch each other if you are serving them.
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Step 36: Avoid trying to "hide" certain foods within foods that they like.
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Step 37: Recognize the difference between poor motor skills and hypersensitivity.
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Step 38: Let them do their own thing when it comes to clothes.
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Step 39: Avoid touching the autistic person without clear permission.
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Step 40: Avoid touching the autistic person when they are focusing on something else.
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Step 41: Provide alternatives to a traditional table and chair.Some autistic people need a little more room to wiggle.
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Step 42: Have your autistic child try on clothes before purchasing them if you're a parent.
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Step 43: Find a good detergent.
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Step 44: Fill rooms with soft fabrics.
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Step 45: Offer deep pressure.
Detailed Guide
Autistic people's brains are structured differently from neurotypical people's brains.
A noise that barely bothers you could feel like being thrust into the middle of an enormous marching band to them.
Assume that their pain is real and serious. , Sensory Processing Disorder is a medical condition that can cause distraction, discomfort, or even pain.Depending on the severity of the stimuli and disorder, it can cause...
Meltdowns and shutdowns Loss of speech Crying Pain Nausea/vomiting , Be proactive—talk to them before they start becoming distressed. Ask them about their needs, and how you could accommodate them.
Prevention is the best way to handle pain or crises.
Ask when you notice that they look upset. "I notice that you're clenching your fists very hard.
Is the music bothering you, or is it something else?" If the person cannot speak or use alternative communication, you will have to observe and guess what is bothering them. , Stress or tiredness can make sensory processing more difficult, and their needs might be different from one day to the next.
Expect them to be hypersensitive to some things and hyposensitive to others.
For example, maybe they are very sensitive to touch, but none of the tips in the "Vision" section apply to them.
Even within sections, some steps may not apply to them.
Autistic people are very diverse! Each person's needs are different. , That way, they will be able to leave and cool off before a meltdown can occur.
Help them identify good stims and self-calming strategies (e.g. counting, deep breathing, visualization).
Set up a quiet place at home or at school.
Make sure that they have a way to communicate when they need to leave.
Encourage them to tell you as soon as they feel distressed, so it doesn't build up, and explain that they are never a bother. , Anxiety about pain or overwhelm can play a role in sensory overload, so reducing their worries can help minimize the effects.
Kindness can defuse a stressful situation.
Validate their feelings and let them know you care., Some autistic people experience these rarely; others melt down nearly every day.
If they can communicate well, others always listen to their communication, and you do your best to be proactive, then meltdowns will be rare or nonexistent.
Here are things that may happen in a meltdown:
Attempts to leave (Help them leave.) Strained tone of voice (They may sound curt without meaning to; they are simply in a lot of pain) Out-of-control behavior (sobbing, flopping onto the floor, self-injury) Never block their exit (they may panic) or call the American police.
American police may respond with violence, and traumatize or kill them instead of helping., This will reduce hypersensitivity in the long run.
They can also teach useful coping techniques, such as stims and exercises., Autistic people have a large presence online, where they share tips with each other about how to handle various problems.
Check out the #askanautistic and #actuallyautistic hashtags to begin., Validate their feelings, support them, and gently guide them.
This way, they will know that they can talk to you when they need things., Fill rooms with calming pastel colors and minimal distractions (e.g. posters, toys outside of shelves, windows without curtains).
Relaxing colors will help keep the autistic person from being distracted, because there will be less irrelevant sights to absorb.
Use cupboards and bins to help minimize visual clutter. , Choose closed-off areas as possible, or areas next to a wall or corner.
Minimal movement will help the autistic person focus on you, rather than that noisy dog or businesswoman on her cell phone., Some autistic people prefer to sit facing away from visually distracting areas.
Others prefer to sit facing them, so that nothing can catch them by surprise.
Ask them what works.
Autistic students can often concentrate best if they sit at the very front of the class.
Open doors and windows may be a distraction if there is movement outside.
Let them sit in a corner or next to a wall if possible. , These may flicker, and even if it's imperceptible to you, it may be very painful or distracting to the autistic person.
It may even cause a seizure.
Leave right away if the lights are bothering them.
Lights should not flash, flicker, or strobe., Open doors and people walking around the room can make it more difficult for an autistic person to focus., This can help, but it won't necessarily fix the problem.
Let the autistic person leave if it still bothers them. , Just as with visual hypersensitivity, autistic people with sensitive hearing can focus best when they are not in crowded areas full of sound., Slamming doors, the clatter of plates, loudly clapping hands, etc. can all startle an autistic person and upset them.
Ask the autistic person what bothers them, and find ways to work around it.
Don't allow doors to slam behind you.
Clap at a quiet or moderate volume.
Set down heavy things gradually, so they do not make a loud noise. , Autistic people can better handle loud sounds when they have some warning to brace themselves, prepare with earplugs or covering ears, or leave.
If you need to run the vacuum or the blender, tell the autistic person first, so they can employ a coping strategy., These can be more effective (or a good addition to) covering their ears.
White/brown noise, noise-cancelling headphones, and thick rugs can also minimize sound for them.
An autistic person with strong hearing may be able to hear you while wearing earplugs or headphones. , If someone is being loud, or is upsetting the autistic person, briefly and gently explain.
Some people think it is funny to startle an autistic person and watch them get upset.
This is not funny to the autistic person, and is a type of bullying.
Take the person aside and explain that this is not acceptable. , Strong smells may be distracting, distressing, or even nauseating to an autistic person.
If you take the autistic person shopping with you, offer to let them sniff the bottle and choose the smell that seems least disturbing., To you, it might smell nice, but to them, it may feel as intense as wading through a sewer.
Ask them which smells bother them, so you know what to avoid.
Ask if there are any spices that they cannot bear smelling.
Only make the especially strong-smelling foods when they are out of the house, and will be gone for a while. , Open windows or set up fans while cooking.
This will help disperse the smell.
Even when it feels gone to you, it could still be quite strong to the autistic person., Imagine being forced to eat next to a guy wearing overpowering cologne—and then triple that effect.
If the autistic person shows signs of distress, let them go somewhere else.
Some people have strong smells, either from perfume or cologne, or from not showering regularly.
If the autistic person wants to sit at a distance from other people, let them.They can eat in their bedroom or outdoors.
Or perhaps they will eat at a friend's house on nights that you make chili. , If you think that a three-year-old could eat it, then a hypersensitive autistic person could probably handle it too.
Here are some examples of mild meals that they may like:
Hamburgers Chicken breast with ranch dressing Noodles with marinara or butter Cheese pizza Chicken nuggets , Autistic people may gag on strawberries because of seeds, or refuse to eat blueberries because they feel like "juice bombs." Ask the autistic person beforehand about what they can and can't handle., This includes not only pepper or chili powder, but onions and garlic.
Any strong flavoring can make food inedible to a hypersensitive autistic person.
The autistic person will be able to eat the food plain.
People who love spicy/flavorful food can make it even stronger. , It may seem silly to you, but the blend of tastes and textures can make it unpalatable for autistic people.
This is less important with solid foods (e.g.
French fries and chicken), but very important for less solid foods (e.g. applesauce and broccoli with melted cheese)., If you do so, they may find out, and suddenly become suspicious of all food you give them.
If you want to give it a try, involve them in the process.
Always ask them for permission first, and try involving them in the meal prep to reduce anxiety. , If an autistic person doesn't eat a big piece of chicken, it may be because the breading is spicy, or because they lack the motor skills to cut it into appropriately-sized pieces.
It's best to ask why they aren't touching it., Autistic people may kick off their shoes or take off outer layers of clothing.
Don't make it a big deal.
Let them do what they need in order to be comfortable.Obviously, stripping down to one's underwear is not a good idea in public.
Teach an autistic child how to maintain basic modesty, ask for ice water or air conditioning if they are hot, and choose comfortable clothes. , With neurotypicals, a tap on the shoulder is a great way to get attention.
With autistic people, it can be very alarming.
Make sure that they can see it coming, and that they are okay with it.
Ask first: "Would you like a hug?" Or extend your arms to offer a hug, and see if they reciprocate.
Never touch them from behind or without warning.
Remember that sensitivity varies from day to day.
One day, they might love a hug, and the next, it might be too much to handle.
This says nothing about how much they care about you.
Teach children to respect personal space and touch preferences. , For instance, rubbing their back when they are eating or doing homework may cause them to freeze, because they cannot process touch and their activities at the same time.
Don't be surprised if they go limp when they hug you.
If they smile or rest their head on you, that's their way of hugging you back. , Sitting on an exercise ball or sensory seat wedge might be more comfortable to them.
Make sure they have access to stim toys.
In classroom settings, let the autistic person take frequent bathroom and snack breaks as needed. , Itchy fabrics or sharp tags may make certain clothes unwearable.
Clothes shopping may be more difficult.
Look for soft and breathable fabrics—cotton usually works well.
Set aside plenty of time for shopping.
If your child feels rushed, they may end up buying something that they can't actually handle wearing.
Donate any clothes that turn out to be too uncomfortable.
This also goes for undergarments. , Scented detergents, or ones with certain chemicals, may cause rashes or discomfort.
See which detergents are recommended for infants—an autistic child or adult's skin may be just as sensitive., The autistic person won't only touch their clothes—blankets, bedsheets, padded chairs, and more are all options.
Spend a little extra to find soft bedsheets that the autistic person likes.
The boost in mood is worth the price.
If buying chairs for their room, look for the softest, most plush chair available.
Have them try it out before purchasing.
When buying blankets or bedsheets, have them touch all the items in the aisle and select their favorite.
If they like stuffed animals, pick out the softest ones. , This provides calming stimulation that allows them to handle touch better.
Buy a weighted vest, blanket, or lap pad. (Large beanbags also work.) Brush them, or provide a brush so they can brush themselves.
Give them a massage or a tight hug.
About the Author
Peter Thomas
Brings years of experience writing about creative arts and related subjects.
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