How to Help Someone Cope with Favoritism Against Them
Talk about it., Let them know you care., Try some problem-solving., Use positive coping strategies., Encourage them to seek support.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Talk about it.
Be available to your friend to talk about how the favoritism is affecting them.
Lend a kind, compassionate listening ear and allow them to talk without judging them.
While you may be tempted to jump into problem-solving mode, allow the person to talk about what upsets them without interrupting them.This may be all they need.
They may be able to address the situation after being heard and validated by you.
You can even help foster them thinking about it by asking, "What are you thinking about doing about it?" Use active listening skills such as reflecting, summarizing, and validation.
For example, say, “I can tell that’s upsetting to you,” and, “I hear you saying that you feel ignored.
I would feel the same if I was in your shoes.” -
Step 2: Let them know you care.
It can be difficult coping with feeling unfavored, so show that you care about the person.
Check in on them, invite them for lunch or dinner, send them a text, and stay in touch.
Don’t force them to be happy or cheerful, just be with them.
Allow them to express their feelings.Even if the person is being avoidant, send a message to show that you’re thinking about them and care for them.
Try asking if there is anything you can do for them, or anything you can take off their plate. , Help them define the problem and also come up with solutions.
Be sure to frame your ideas as suggestions you are giving them to think about, not as trying to take over and tell them what to do.
Respect that they have the ultimate choice in what they do.
Break things down into smaller steps and try to keep them motivated.
Figure out possible solutions so that they feel more included or valued.
Help them build skills in areas that count.For example, if the person struggles socially and this affects how others perceive them, encourage them to attend a social skills class or work on better listening skills. , Encourage the person to cope with stress in healthy ways.
This can include exercising, meditating, going to yoga, journaling, reading a book, or another outlet to help relieve stress.
Offer to accompany your friend to an activity or engage in it together.
Discourage them from engaging in unhelpful coping such as wishful thinking, blame, ignoring the problem, or excessive worrying.Meet them for a walk or hike in nature, take an art class together, or attend tai chi classes.
Discourage substance abuse as a way to cope with stress.
For example, if they want to go out and get drunk, invite them to a game night instead. , If the favoritism is causing overwhelming stress, disappointment, sadness, anger, or depression, talk to the person about seeking help.
They may benefit from talking to friends and family or with a therapist.
They may even benefit from a support group of other people who also are affected by favoritism against them.They may also seek support from a religious or spiritual center, from co-workers, community centers, or self-help books. -
Step 3: Try some problem-solving.
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Step 4: Use positive coping strategies.
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Step 5: Encourage them to seek support.
Detailed Guide
Be available to your friend to talk about how the favoritism is affecting them.
Lend a kind, compassionate listening ear and allow them to talk without judging them.
While you may be tempted to jump into problem-solving mode, allow the person to talk about what upsets them without interrupting them.This may be all they need.
They may be able to address the situation after being heard and validated by you.
You can even help foster them thinking about it by asking, "What are you thinking about doing about it?" Use active listening skills such as reflecting, summarizing, and validation.
For example, say, “I can tell that’s upsetting to you,” and, “I hear you saying that you feel ignored.
I would feel the same if I was in your shoes.”
It can be difficult coping with feeling unfavored, so show that you care about the person.
Check in on them, invite them for lunch or dinner, send them a text, and stay in touch.
Don’t force them to be happy or cheerful, just be with them.
Allow them to express their feelings.Even if the person is being avoidant, send a message to show that you’re thinking about them and care for them.
Try asking if there is anything you can do for them, or anything you can take off their plate. , Help them define the problem and also come up with solutions.
Be sure to frame your ideas as suggestions you are giving them to think about, not as trying to take over and tell them what to do.
Respect that they have the ultimate choice in what they do.
Break things down into smaller steps and try to keep them motivated.
Figure out possible solutions so that they feel more included or valued.
Help them build skills in areas that count.For example, if the person struggles socially and this affects how others perceive them, encourage them to attend a social skills class or work on better listening skills. , Encourage the person to cope with stress in healthy ways.
This can include exercising, meditating, going to yoga, journaling, reading a book, or another outlet to help relieve stress.
Offer to accompany your friend to an activity or engage in it together.
Discourage them from engaging in unhelpful coping such as wishful thinking, blame, ignoring the problem, or excessive worrying.Meet them for a walk or hike in nature, take an art class together, or attend tai chi classes.
Discourage substance abuse as a way to cope with stress.
For example, if they want to go out and get drunk, invite them to a game night instead. , If the favoritism is causing overwhelming stress, disappointment, sadness, anger, or depression, talk to the person about seeking help.
They may benefit from talking to friends and family or with a therapist.
They may even benefit from a support group of other people who also are affected by favoritism against them.They may also seek support from a religious or spiritual center, from co-workers, community centers, or self-help books.
About the Author
Daniel Chavez
Writer and educator with a focus on practical pet care knowledge.
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