How to Help Someone Who Is Thinking About Committing Suicide
Understand the principle behind suicide prevention., Show that you care., Engage adolescents’ or young adults’ enthusiasm about their interests., Help elders feel useful., Do not be afraid to talk about suicide., Prepare to talk to someone about...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Understand the principle behind suicide prevention.
Suicide prevention is most effective when suicide risk factors are reduced or de-emphasise and protective factors are strengthened.
To intervene in a suicide attempt, work on offering or strengthening those protective factors, as you may have less control over the risk factors.
Risk factors include a history of suicide attempts and mental disorders; for a more comprehensive list, see Method 3: "Understanding Suicide Trends." Protective factors include clinical treatment, family and community support, support from healthcare professionals, and development of problem solving and conflict resolution skills. -
Step 2: Show that you care.
The best protective factors to combat feelings of isolation (a strong risk factor) are emotional support fromand connectedness to friends, family, and community.
A suicidal person needs to have a sense of belonging to choose life,so you should show the person that they are an important part of your life.
Think of ways that you can provide them with support or remove stress from their life. , If the person you are concerned about is young, do research about their special interest(s) so that you can have a conversation with them about them.
The main goal is to show that you care enough about the person to take their interests and recommendations seriously.
Ask open questions that lead them to share their enthusiasm or interests openly with you.You can ask questions like: “How did you learn so much about (fill in the blank)?” “Can you tell me more about that?” “I love your personal style; how do you decide what to wear? Do you have any fashion advice for me?” “I watched the movie you recommended and really enjoyed it.
Do you have any other recommendations?” “What is your favorite movie? Why is it your favorite?” “What hobby or activity could you spend your whole life doing?” , If you know an elder who may be contemplating suicide due to feelings of helplessness or being a burden, try to make them feel useful or relieve some of their burden.Ask the person to teach you something, like how to cook a favorite recipe or how to knit or play a favorite card game.
If the person has health or transportation issues, offer to drive them somewhere or bring them a home cooked meal.
Express interest in the person’s life or ask for advice dealing with a problem.
You could ask questions like: “What was your life like when you were a teenager?” “What is your favorite memory?” “What is the biggest change you’ve seen in the world during your life?” “How would you support someone who is being bullied?” “How did you deal with being overwhelmed as a parent?” , Some cultures or families treat suicide as a taboo and avoid talking about it..
You may also be afraid that if you talk to someone about suicide, you will prompt them to act on their suicidal thoughts.
These factors or others may lead you to hesitate to speak openly about suicide.
However, you should fight this instinct because the opposite is actually true; speaking openly about suicide often prompts someone in crisis to think about and reconsider their choices.
For example, during an anti-suicide project on a Native American Indian reservation with a high suicide rate, several eighth-graders admitted to actively planning suicides until they participated in open discussions about suicide.
These open discussions violated cultural taboos, but they resulted in each of the participants choosing life and signing a pledge to avoid suicide. , After educating yourself about suicide and reemphasizing your relationship with the suicidal person, prepare to talk to them.
Set up a comfortable environment in a non-threatening place to have a conversation about your concerns.
Minimize possible distractions by turning off electronics, silencing phones, and arranging for roommates, children, or other people to be occupied safely somewhere else. , Offer non-judgmental, non-accusatory support and listen with an open mind that invites closeness.
You do not want your conversation to build a barrier between you; avoid this by showing that you are open and you care.
It is easy to become frustrated when speaking to someone in crisis who isn’t thinking clearly, so remind yourself to remain calm and supportive.The best way to be open is to not have any prepared responses for your loved one.
Ask a few open questions like "how are you feeling?" or "what is upsetting you" and let them speak.
Do not try to argue with them or convince them that things aren't really that bad. , There is no point in sugar-coating or tiptoeing around the subject of suicide.
Be open and clear about what is on your mind.
Consider using a 3-prong conversation starter, which reinforces the relationship, explains what you have noticed, and shares that you care.
Then ask about whether they have been having suicidal thoughts.
For example, “Amy, you and I have been friends for 3 years.
Lately, you’ve seemed depressed, and you’re drinking more.
I’m very worried about you, and I’m worried that you may have been thinking about suicide.” For example, “Son, when you were born, I promised I’d always be here for you.
You’re not eating or sleeping like you normally do, and I’ve heard you crying several times.
I would do anything to not lose you.
Are you thinking about killing yourself?” For example, “You’ve always been such a great role model.
But you recently made a comment about hurting yourself.
You are very special to me.
If you are suicidal, please talk to me about it.” , After you have started the conversation, the person may respond with they had done something that would make you think that they were suicidal.
They may want some time to gather their thoughts before they are ready to respond to you. , If the person brushes off your concern with “no, I’m fine” or doesn’t respond to you, share your concerns again.
Provide them with another opportunity for response.
Remain calm and do not badger them, but be firm in your conviction that you want them to talk to you about what is bothering them. , Listen to what them say, and accept the feelings that they are expressing, even if they are painful for you to hear.
Don’t try to argue with them or lecture them about what they should do.
Offer options to get through the crisis and hope if possible. , When talking to someone about their feelings, it is important that you validate the feelings rather than try to “talk sense into them” or convince them that their feelings are irrational.
For example, if someone tells you that they are contemplating suicide because his beloved pet just died, it is not helpful to tell him that he are overreacting.
If she says that she has just lost her one true love, don’t tell her she’s too young to understand love or that there are other fish in the sea. , You may see it as an approach that will enable the person to see that they are being silly, or even give them the opportunity to realize that they really want to live.
However, your “push” could actually push them into acting, and you would likely feel responsible for their death. , If the person admits that they have had thoughts of suicide, express your thanks for being entrusted with the information.
You may want to also ask if they have shared their thoughts with anyone else, and if anyone else had offered them any help for coping with their feelings. , Encourage the person to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to talk to a trained professional.
The professional on the hotline can provide tips for developing coping skills to get through a suicidal crisis.Don’t be surprised if they reject the idea of calling the lifeline, but write the number down for them or program it into their phone so that they can call it if they have a change of heart. , You should encourage your friend or loved one to share the details of their suicidal thoughts with you.
This will likely be the most difficult part of the conversation for you, as it will make the threat of suicide seem more real.
However, knowing the specific plan may enable you to minimize the risk of the suicide’s success.
If the person has gone far enough in their suicidal thoughts to make a plan, it is very important that you get them help. , Before ending your conversation, exchange promises.
You should promise that you are available to talk to them at any time, night or day.
In exchange, ask them to promise that they will call you before taking any suicidal action.
That promise may be enough to make them stop and get help before taking an action that is irreversible. -
Step 3: Engage adolescents’ or young adults’ enthusiasm about their interests.
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Step 4: Help elders feel useful.
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Step 5: Do not be afraid to talk about suicide.
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Step 6: Prepare to talk to someone about suicide.
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Step 7: Be open.
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Step 8: Speak clearly and directly.
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Step 9: Allow for silence.
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Step 10: Be persistent.
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Step 11: Let the person talk.
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Step 12: Validate the person’s feelings.
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Step 13: Do not try to “call the person’s bluff.” This may seem obvious
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Step 14: but you should not dare or encourage a person to commit suicide.
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Step 15: Thank the person for being open with you.
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Step 16: Suggest asking for outside help.
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Step 17: Ask if there is a suicide plan.
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Step 18: Make a deal with the suicidal person.
Detailed Guide
Suicide prevention is most effective when suicide risk factors are reduced or de-emphasise and protective factors are strengthened.
To intervene in a suicide attempt, work on offering or strengthening those protective factors, as you may have less control over the risk factors.
Risk factors include a history of suicide attempts and mental disorders; for a more comprehensive list, see Method 3: "Understanding Suicide Trends." Protective factors include clinical treatment, family and community support, support from healthcare professionals, and development of problem solving and conflict resolution skills.
The best protective factors to combat feelings of isolation (a strong risk factor) are emotional support fromand connectedness to friends, family, and community.
A suicidal person needs to have a sense of belonging to choose life,so you should show the person that they are an important part of your life.
Think of ways that you can provide them with support or remove stress from their life. , If the person you are concerned about is young, do research about their special interest(s) so that you can have a conversation with them about them.
The main goal is to show that you care enough about the person to take their interests and recommendations seriously.
Ask open questions that lead them to share their enthusiasm or interests openly with you.You can ask questions like: “How did you learn so much about (fill in the blank)?” “Can you tell me more about that?” “I love your personal style; how do you decide what to wear? Do you have any fashion advice for me?” “I watched the movie you recommended and really enjoyed it.
Do you have any other recommendations?” “What is your favorite movie? Why is it your favorite?” “What hobby or activity could you spend your whole life doing?” , If you know an elder who may be contemplating suicide due to feelings of helplessness or being a burden, try to make them feel useful or relieve some of their burden.Ask the person to teach you something, like how to cook a favorite recipe or how to knit or play a favorite card game.
If the person has health or transportation issues, offer to drive them somewhere or bring them a home cooked meal.
Express interest in the person’s life or ask for advice dealing with a problem.
You could ask questions like: “What was your life like when you were a teenager?” “What is your favorite memory?” “What is the biggest change you’ve seen in the world during your life?” “How would you support someone who is being bullied?” “How did you deal with being overwhelmed as a parent?” , Some cultures or families treat suicide as a taboo and avoid talking about it..
You may also be afraid that if you talk to someone about suicide, you will prompt them to act on their suicidal thoughts.
These factors or others may lead you to hesitate to speak openly about suicide.
However, you should fight this instinct because the opposite is actually true; speaking openly about suicide often prompts someone in crisis to think about and reconsider their choices.
For example, during an anti-suicide project on a Native American Indian reservation with a high suicide rate, several eighth-graders admitted to actively planning suicides until they participated in open discussions about suicide.
These open discussions violated cultural taboos, but they resulted in each of the participants choosing life and signing a pledge to avoid suicide. , After educating yourself about suicide and reemphasizing your relationship with the suicidal person, prepare to talk to them.
Set up a comfortable environment in a non-threatening place to have a conversation about your concerns.
Minimize possible distractions by turning off electronics, silencing phones, and arranging for roommates, children, or other people to be occupied safely somewhere else. , Offer non-judgmental, non-accusatory support and listen with an open mind that invites closeness.
You do not want your conversation to build a barrier between you; avoid this by showing that you are open and you care.
It is easy to become frustrated when speaking to someone in crisis who isn’t thinking clearly, so remind yourself to remain calm and supportive.The best way to be open is to not have any prepared responses for your loved one.
Ask a few open questions like "how are you feeling?" or "what is upsetting you" and let them speak.
Do not try to argue with them or convince them that things aren't really that bad. , There is no point in sugar-coating or tiptoeing around the subject of suicide.
Be open and clear about what is on your mind.
Consider using a 3-prong conversation starter, which reinforces the relationship, explains what you have noticed, and shares that you care.
Then ask about whether they have been having suicidal thoughts.
For example, “Amy, you and I have been friends for 3 years.
Lately, you’ve seemed depressed, and you’re drinking more.
I’m very worried about you, and I’m worried that you may have been thinking about suicide.” For example, “Son, when you were born, I promised I’d always be here for you.
You’re not eating or sleeping like you normally do, and I’ve heard you crying several times.
I would do anything to not lose you.
Are you thinking about killing yourself?” For example, “You’ve always been such a great role model.
But you recently made a comment about hurting yourself.
You are very special to me.
If you are suicidal, please talk to me about it.” , After you have started the conversation, the person may respond with they had done something that would make you think that they were suicidal.
They may want some time to gather their thoughts before they are ready to respond to you. , If the person brushes off your concern with “no, I’m fine” or doesn’t respond to you, share your concerns again.
Provide them with another opportunity for response.
Remain calm and do not badger them, but be firm in your conviction that you want them to talk to you about what is bothering them. , Listen to what them say, and accept the feelings that they are expressing, even if they are painful for you to hear.
Don’t try to argue with them or lecture them about what they should do.
Offer options to get through the crisis and hope if possible. , When talking to someone about their feelings, it is important that you validate the feelings rather than try to “talk sense into them” or convince them that their feelings are irrational.
For example, if someone tells you that they are contemplating suicide because his beloved pet just died, it is not helpful to tell him that he are overreacting.
If she says that she has just lost her one true love, don’t tell her she’s too young to understand love or that there are other fish in the sea. , You may see it as an approach that will enable the person to see that they are being silly, or even give them the opportunity to realize that they really want to live.
However, your “push” could actually push them into acting, and you would likely feel responsible for their death. , If the person admits that they have had thoughts of suicide, express your thanks for being entrusted with the information.
You may want to also ask if they have shared their thoughts with anyone else, and if anyone else had offered them any help for coping with their feelings. , Encourage the person to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to talk to a trained professional.
The professional on the hotline can provide tips for developing coping skills to get through a suicidal crisis.Don’t be surprised if they reject the idea of calling the lifeline, but write the number down for them or program it into their phone so that they can call it if they have a change of heart. , You should encourage your friend or loved one to share the details of their suicidal thoughts with you.
This will likely be the most difficult part of the conversation for you, as it will make the threat of suicide seem more real.
However, knowing the specific plan may enable you to minimize the risk of the suicide’s success.
If the person has gone far enough in their suicidal thoughts to make a plan, it is very important that you get them help. , Before ending your conversation, exchange promises.
You should promise that you are available to talk to them at any time, night or day.
In exchange, ask them to promise that they will call you before taking any suicidal action.
That promise may be enough to make them stop and get help before taking an action that is irreversible.
About the Author
Michael Ortiz
Experienced content creator specializing in crafts guides and tutorials.
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