How to Leave an Evangelical Church
Examine your motives for leaving., Gradually phase out your attendance., Keep in touch with any friends you've made., Make new friends., Have a list of reasons for leaving., Arrange a discussion with the minister., Emphasise what you believe in...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Examine your motives for leaving.
What is it about the church that you don't like? Is it a belief you disagree with, policies you don't approve of, or a general dislike of the church? Have you found one you like better? If so, then unite these conflicts as a case for leaving the church.
If beliefs and doctrine are issues, then examine the beliefs that you disapprove of carefully and critically.
The main motive should be to help those who don't agree with you understand your point of view, and not to necessarily convert them.
Don't let anyone bully you into believing something.
Be wary of 'repackaging' attempts.
This occurs when someone tries to teach you something you don't agree with, but try to make it sound more justifiable in some way. -
Step 2: Gradually phase out your attendance.
Slowly stop attending the services that the church offers.
For example, keep attending Wednesday Bible studies, but stop going to Sunday services.
You can do this in reverse.
But keep in mind that most churches see their Wednesday meetings as less formal than Sunday services, which means they may not be intrigued by your absence.
This will work well if you have some commitment that takes time away from church. (Work or school, health reasons, etc.) If you don't have official membership with the church, you can try ending your attendance.
You can also end it abruptly if you're a member, but they may be a bit more curious about why you've left. , This will lessen the chances of your friends at the church taking your departure personally.
The next step will help if they do take it personally and end the relationship. , If the situation becomes bad, and all your friends from your former church do take it personal and cease all contact, having new friends around will ease your pain. , These can be anything from disagreement with the congregation's or denomination's official policy, to not feeling part of the group to finding a church that you like better.
Either way, have your list of reasons with you, either mentally or on paper. , Here you can request that your official membership within the congregation be revoked, having your contact information removed from church directories, and the end of receiving correspondence from either the church or the denomination through all methods of communication, for example.
If your departure is because of serious disagreements with congregational or denominational policy, write down your arguments on paper and rehearse them.
The minister will usually try to argue the point, and try to convince you that your disagreements are invalid.
But once they understand (or even agree) with your objections, then they'll probably let your departure go without any problems.
When you speak with the minister, don't make converting them to your point of view your main goal.
They might not be open to new ideas because once their denomination knows that they agree with or sympathise with ideas that it doesn't approve of, they might risk everything from being disciplined to losing their employment.
They may secretly agree with you, but they simply can't risk their job. , If you're still Christian, then point this out to the minister and the congregation.
This will ease the situation.
If you aren't, then bring truly valid objections to the faith of the congregation, so that they may be more understanding.
You could lie about your beliefs, but this is not recommended. , These can range from a new church, arts classes, going to the gym and the various other regular group meetings in your local area.
Finding new people will ease any social isolation that you may have from leaving the church. , Keep developing your beliefs, and if you remain religious, your faith, and everything else related to God (or the Divine, etc.) In the latter event, this proves to your friends from the old church that you're truly committed to being with God, but didn't fit in with the Church.
A great thing to do during this time is to review your belief system, and investigate different ideas.
Once you've determined what beliefs to follow, finding a new church will be much easier. -
Step 3: Keep in touch with any friends you've made.
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Step 4: Make new friends.
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Step 5: Have a list of reasons for leaving.
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Step 6: Arrange a discussion with the minister.
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Step 7: Emphasise what you believe in.
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Step 8: Find new activities.
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Step 9: Stay spiritual.
Detailed Guide
What is it about the church that you don't like? Is it a belief you disagree with, policies you don't approve of, or a general dislike of the church? Have you found one you like better? If so, then unite these conflicts as a case for leaving the church.
If beliefs and doctrine are issues, then examine the beliefs that you disapprove of carefully and critically.
The main motive should be to help those who don't agree with you understand your point of view, and not to necessarily convert them.
Don't let anyone bully you into believing something.
Be wary of 'repackaging' attempts.
This occurs when someone tries to teach you something you don't agree with, but try to make it sound more justifiable in some way.
Slowly stop attending the services that the church offers.
For example, keep attending Wednesday Bible studies, but stop going to Sunday services.
You can do this in reverse.
But keep in mind that most churches see their Wednesday meetings as less formal than Sunday services, which means they may not be intrigued by your absence.
This will work well if you have some commitment that takes time away from church. (Work or school, health reasons, etc.) If you don't have official membership with the church, you can try ending your attendance.
You can also end it abruptly if you're a member, but they may be a bit more curious about why you've left. , This will lessen the chances of your friends at the church taking your departure personally.
The next step will help if they do take it personally and end the relationship. , If the situation becomes bad, and all your friends from your former church do take it personal and cease all contact, having new friends around will ease your pain. , These can be anything from disagreement with the congregation's or denomination's official policy, to not feeling part of the group to finding a church that you like better.
Either way, have your list of reasons with you, either mentally or on paper. , Here you can request that your official membership within the congregation be revoked, having your contact information removed from church directories, and the end of receiving correspondence from either the church or the denomination through all methods of communication, for example.
If your departure is because of serious disagreements with congregational or denominational policy, write down your arguments on paper and rehearse them.
The minister will usually try to argue the point, and try to convince you that your disagreements are invalid.
But once they understand (or even agree) with your objections, then they'll probably let your departure go without any problems.
When you speak with the minister, don't make converting them to your point of view your main goal.
They might not be open to new ideas because once their denomination knows that they agree with or sympathise with ideas that it doesn't approve of, they might risk everything from being disciplined to losing their employment.
They may secretly agree with you, but they simply can't risk their job. , If you're still Christian, then point this out to the minister and the congregation.
This will ease the situation.
If you aren't, then bring truly valid objections to the faith of the congregation, so that they may be more understanding.
You could lie about your beliefs, but this is not recommended. , These can range from a new church, arts classes, going to the gym and the various other regular group meetings in your local area.
Finding new people will ease any social isolation that you may have from leaving the church. , Keep developing your beliefs, and if you remain religious, your faith, and everything else related to God (or the Divine, etc.) In the latter event, this proves to your friends from the old church that you're truly committed to being with God, but didn't fit in with the Church.
A great thing to do during this time is to review your belief system, and investigate different ideas.
Once you've determined what beliefs to follow, finding a new church will be much easier.
About the Author
Megan Stevens
Enthusiastic about teaching creative arts techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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