How to Leave Someone for Good
Find a time when the two of you can talk privately without distraction., Inform your significant other of your decision., Acknowledge you care for the other person., Back up your decision with facts., Listen to your significant other’s concerns...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Find a time when the two of you can talk privately without distraction.
Allow plenty of time for this conversation.
Don’t have it in the morning as you are rushing off to work, for example.You could say to your significant other, “There’s something I need to talk to you about.
Can you turn off the TV?” You could also give your significant other a heads-up that you’d like to talk to them about something important at a later time.
For example, you could text the person and say, “Do you have time tonight to talk? I think we need to talk about our relationship.” -
Step 2: Inform your significant other of your decision.
Unless you are in an abusive situation and need to leave immediately, it is best that you talk to your significant other about your decision to break up.
It will probably be a difficult and upsetting conversation, particularly if the other person does not agree with you.
Talking to the person and making clear that you want to end the relationship, however, is the mature, responsible, and correct thing to do, even though it will not be fun.It is best to have this conversation face-to-face.
You could decide to write a letter and present it to your significant other, and have the person read it while you are present.
Be clear in your intent.
You could say, “I want to end our relationship,” or “I need to break up with you.” Saying things like, “I don’t know if this will work out,” or “I’m having doubts about our relationship,” could leave the other person into believing there is a chance to get back together again. , This person was an integral part of your life for some time.
Acknowledge that you had happy times together, and that you value the person for the part they played in your life.You could say, “I care about you a lot.
You’ve been a part of my life for two years now, but I think we are growing apart.” , Cite examples of why things between the two of you have not been going well lately.
You could talk about previous arguments, breakups, or differences in values.
You could say, “I know we care about each other, but it seems to me that we also fight constantly.
Remember last month when the neighbors knocked on our door to make sure we were okay? I don’t want to live like that anymore.” Use “I language” to make your points.
Describe your feelings instead of placing blame on the other person.
For example, “You never want to have sex!” could become “I feel hurt that we haven’t had sex in so long.” , They may be angry or upset, or they may agree that this is for the best.
Allow your significant other to express their feelings.
Do not continue the conversation if the person becomes verbally abusive toward you.
If that happens, you could hold up your hand and say, “I am not talking to you when you call me names.
I am leaving now.
We’ll talk again when we can have a respectful conversation.” Leave the premises before the situation can escalate further.You could say, “I know you’re upset, and I know you wanted us to work this out.
But it doesn’t seem to me to be working anymore, and I don’t want to try to fix it again.” , If your mind has been made up, don't allow the person to suck you into the same old arguments, guilt trips, or drama.
Do not let the person try to persuade you to change your mind.
You could say, “I think we’ve been having this same disagreement for a while now, and we’re not getting anywhere.
I’m done arguing about it, and I have made up my mind.” You could say, “I know you want me to give you another chance, but I’ve already given you several chances.
I don’t want to do this anymore.” , It’s okay to be sad about your relationship ending, even if you know it is for the best.
Crying is a healthy expression of grief.
You can even give your significant other a hug and cry with them if you feel comfortable doing so.
Do not let the physical contact progress beyond a hug, to avoid sending mixed signals. , Say your goodbyes and let your ex know that you will talk to them again in a few days (if necessary).
Give yourselves a few days to grieve, calm down, and adjust to a new reality.
You could say, “I’ll call you in a few days to drop off your things from my place.” If you live together, arrange to spend the night somewhere else.
Contact a nearby friend or family member, or stay at a hotel.
If there is nowhere else you can stay, you could say, “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, and will find somewhere else to stay tomorrow.” , If you are in an abusive situation, make plans to get to safety immediately.
Do not stick around to see if the situation will improve or the person will stop.
You have not done anything to deserve being treated that way, and you are worthy of better.
If you need to leave quickly, take only the essentials, like money, important documents, medications, and a few changes of clothing.
Remember, things can be replaced.Bring your children to a safe location with you.
Have a safe place to stay, like a friend’s house where the abuser may not think to look for you, or a domestic violence shelter.
Once you are away from your ex, consider contacting law enforcement about pressing charges against the person, and/or filing a protective order against them. -
Step 3: Acknowledge you care for the other person.
-
Step 4: Back up your decision with facts.
-
Step 5: Listen to your significant other’s concerns.
-
Step 6: Stay firm.
-
Step 7: Cry if you need to.
-
Step 8: Leave.
-
Step 9: Get out quickly if necessary.
Detailed Guide
Allow plenty of time for this conversation.
Don’t have it in the morning as you are rushing off to work, for example.You could say to your significant other, “There’s something I need to talk to you about.
Can you turn off the TV?” You could also give your significant other a heads-up that you’d like to talk to them about something important at a later time.
For example, you could text the person and say, “Do you have time tonight to talk? I think we need to talk about our relationship.”
Unless you are in an abusive situation and need to leave immediately, it is best that you talk to your significant other about your decision to break up.
It will probably be a difficult and upsetting conversation, particularly if the other person does not agree with you.
Talking to the person and making clear that you want to end the relationship, however, is the mature, responsible, and correct thing to do, even though it will not be fun.It is best to have this conversation face-to-face.
You could decide to write a letter and present it to your significant other, and have the person read it while you are present.
Be clear in your intent.
You could say, “I want to end our relationship,” or “I need to break up with you.” Saying things like, “I don’t know if this will work out,” or “I’m having doubts about our relationship,” could leave the other person into believing there is a chance to get back together again. , This person was an integral part of your life for some time.
Acknowledge that you had happy times together, and that you value the person for the part they played in your life.You could say, “I care about you a lot.
You’ve been a part of my life for two years now, but I think we are growing apart.” , Cite examples of why things between the two of you have not been going well lately.
You could talk about previous arguments, breakups, or differences in values.
You could say, “I know we care about each other, but it seems to me that we also fight constantly.
Remember last month when the neighbors knocked on our door to make sure we were okay? I don’t want to live like that anymore.” Use “I language” to make your points.
Describe your feelings instead of placing blame on the other person.
For example, “You never want to have sex!” could become “I feel hurt that we haven’t had sex in so long.” , They may be angry or upset, or they may agree that this is for the best.
Allow your significant other to express their feelings.
Do not continue the conversation if the person becomes verbally abusive toward you.
If that happens, you could hold up your hand and say, “I am not talking to you when you call me names.
I am leaving now.
We’ll talk again when we can have a respectful conversation.” Leave the premises before the situation can escalate further.You could say, “I know you’re upset, and I know you wanted us to work this out.
But it doesn’t seem to me to be working anymore, and I don’t want to try to fix it again.” , If your mind has been made up, don't allow the person to suck you into the same old arguments, guilt trips, or drama.
Do not let the person try to persuade you to change your mind.
You could say, “I think we’ve been having this same disagreement for a while now, and we’re not getting anywhere.
I’m done arguing about it, and I have made up my mind.” You could say, “I know you want me to give you another chance, but I’ve already given you several chances.
I don’t want to do this anymore.” , It’s okay to be sad about your relationship ending, even if you know it is for the best.
Crying is a healthy expression of grief.
You can even give your significant other a hug and cry with them if you feel comfortable doing so.
Do not let the physical contact progress beyond a hug, to avoid sending mixed signals. , Say your goodbyes and let your ex know that you will talk to them again in a few days (if necessary).
Give yourselves a few days to grieve, calm down, and adjust to a new reality.
You could say, “I’ll call you in a few days to drop off your things from my place.” If you live together, arrange to spend the night somewhere else.
Contact a nearby friend or family member, or stay at a hotel.
If there is nowhere else you can stay, you could say, “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, and will find somewhere else to stay tomorrow.” , If you are in an abusive situation, make plans to get to safety immediately.
Do not stick around to see if the situation will improve or the person will stop.
You have not done anything to deserve being treated that way, and you are worthy of better.
If you need to leave quickly, take only the essentials, like money, important documents, medications, and a few changes of clothing.
Remember, things can be replaced.Bring your children to a safe location with you.
Have a safe place to stay, like a friend’s house where the abuser may not think to look for you, or a domestic violence shelter.
Once you are away from your ex, consider contacting law enforcement about pressing charges against the person, and/or filing a protective order against them.
About the Author
Elizabeth Wells
Experienced content creator specializing in home improvement guides and tutorials.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: