How to Leave the Laestadian Lutheran Church
Start by making quiet friendships with people outside the church., Connect through multiple avenues., Just start., Find other people who have left and get in touch with them., Mull it over., Think about what you see for yourself in the future...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Start by making quiet friendships with people outside the church.
If you don't have anyone to talk to and you don't have someone to use as a sounding board about the craziness of your feelings/life after you leave, it's going to be really hard to stay gone. -
Step 2: Connect through multiple avenues.
Make friends with people at work, at school, maybe in an EFCE group if you're a mom, at the gym, anywhere. , It can be as easy as asking someone from work to go get lunch with you.
You don't want to feel like you're floating out in the middle of nowhere. , They will probably be happy to hear from you. , Think long and hard about what you want from life.
Soul-seek.
Visualize your life without boundaries. , If it involves anything outside the confines of the religion, leave now and never look back. , If you need to, choose to make a new family. , When they say that you have to live by faith, what they really mean is that you have to submit to the rules of the church.
It's not about "faith".
It's about blind submission. , Get a really good therapist.
This will help with your decision and the transition if you do leave the church. , Come out of the closet with those who need to know.
Then, run.
Run as fast as you can from the giant vacuum sucking the life out of you.
Live! Breathe! Do it on your terms on your timeline. , And when you're ready to make peace with those who feel "hurt" by your decision, then you can.
Realize that some of the people who push you the hardest to come back are trying to talk themselves into staying. , When you change a behavior you've been taught/programmed to do your whole life, you can feel anxious about the change.
This is a normal human feeling, not like a burning bush talking to Moses.
That lonely, uneasy feeling is easy to misinterpret as God telling you to go back.
Relax.
He is not. , You have just orchestrated a massive change in your life, and there are good things about the church that you will miss, like friendships, the camaraderie with people who understand exactly what you are going through, and family relationships.
Allow yourself to go through the grieving process at whatever pace feels right for you.
And remember that all the comfort and familiarity that you are missing comes hand-in-hand with all the reasons that made you leave.
You can't have one without the other. , They may say they can't trust you anymore, or tell you that you don't understand faith matters anymore, as if you hadn't spent your whole life learning them.
Hopefully your family will be more understanding than that, but it happens more often than not. , If you can time leaving with moving to a different location, it might be easier.
You won't have the familiar cues and people drawing you back in from habit. , It might sound counter-intuitive, but do it.
Really read it, and weigh what you read against what you have been taught about the LLC being the ONLY right church.
Realize that the Finnish Apostolic Lutheran Church, who split from the LLC around 1973, says the EXACT same thing about the LLC that the LLC thinks about them: that you are heretics and lost and going to hell.
It makes you afraid to question, which makes you afraid to doubt, which makes you unable to think clearly about it. , Listen to what they say about faith and grace.
Be surprised.
Listen online if you can't bring yourself to physically go or you're afraid someone will see you.
You will find that churches come in all different flavors, just like ice cream.
Find one you like and just ask questions.
People will be happy to talk to you. , You don't have to go.
Take a break from church and just rest.
You don't ever have to go if you don't want to.
Not everyone will. , The first thing you change is your mind. -
Step 3: Just start.
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Step 4: Find other people who have left and get in touch with them.
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Step 5: Mull it over.
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Step 6: Think about what you see for yourself in the future.
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Step 7: Realize that families can be made by birth or by choice.
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Step 8: Consider whether you agree with the church's outlook.
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Step 9: Get professional support.
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Step 10: Rip off the bandaid.
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Step 11: Make really cool friends that truly care about you.
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Step 12: Know that it's okay to choose to be different.
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Step 13: Know that you will probably experience some grief at the same time as you are elated about your freedom.
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Step 14: Be prepared for family and friends to treat you differently.
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Step 15: Consider a move.
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Step 16: Read the Bible.
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Step 17: Try visiting another church outside the LLC denomination.
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Step 18: Think about a break from religion.
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Step 19: Remember
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Step 20: you can choose to change.
Detailed Guide
If you don't have anyone to talk to and you don't have someone to use as a sounding board about the craziness of your feelings/life after you leave, it's going to be really hard to stay gone.
Make friends with people at work, at school, maybe in an EFCE group if you're a mom, at the gym, anywhere. , It can be as easy as asking someone from work to go get lunch with you.
You don't want to feel like you're floating out in the middle of nowhere. , They will probably be happy to hear from you. , Think long and hard about what you want from life.
Soul-seek.
Visualize your life without boundaries. , If it involves anything outside the confines of the religion, leave now and never look back. , If you need to, choose to make a new family. , When they say that you have to live by faith, what they really mean is that you have to submit to the rules of the church.
It's not about "faith".
It's about blind submission. , Get a really good therapist.
This will help with your decision and the transition if you do leave the church. , Come out of the closet with those who need to know.
Then, run.
Run as fast as you can from the giant vacuum sucking the life out of you.
Live! Breathe! Do it on your terms on your timeline. , And when you're ready to make peace with those who feel "hurt" by your decision, then you can.
Realize that some of the people who push you the hardest to come back are trying to talk themselves into staying. , When you change a behavior you've been taught/programmed to do your whole life, you can feel anxious about the change.
This is a normal human feeling, not like a burning bush talking to Moses.
That lonely, uneasy feeling is easy to misinterpret as God telling you to go back.
Relax.
He is not. , You have just orchestrated a massive change in your life, and there are good things about the church that you will miss, like friendships, the camaraderie with people who understand exactly what you are going through, and family relationships.
Allow yourself to go through the grieving process at whatever pace feels right for you.
And remember that all the comfort and familiarity that you are missing comes hand-in-hand with all the reasons that made you leave.
You can't have one without the other. , They may say they can't trust you anymore, or tell you that you don't understand faith matters anymore, as if you hadn't spent your whole life learning them.
Hopefully your family will be more understanding than that, but it happens more often than not. , If you can time leaving with moving to a different location, it might be easier.
You won't have the familiar cues and people drawing you back in from habit. , It might sound counter-intuitive, but do it.
Really read it, and weigh what you read against what you have been taught about the LLC being the ONLY right church.
Realize that the Finnish Apostolic Lutheran Church, who split from the LLC around 1973, says the EXACT same thing about the LLC that the LLC thinks about them: that you are heretics and lost and going to hell.
It makes you afraid to question, which makes you afraid to doubt, which makes you unable to think clearly about it. , Listen to what they say about faith and grace.
Be surprised.
Listen online if you can't bring yourself to physically go or you're afraid someone will see you.
You will find that churches come in all different flavors, just like ice cream.
Find one you like and just ask questions.
People will be happy to talk to you. , You don't have to go.
Take a break from church and just rest.
You don't ever have to go if you don't want to.
Not everyone will. , The first thing you change is your mind.
About the Author
Betty Wells
Specializes in breaking down complex home improvement topics into simple steps.
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