How to Live with Someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder
Understand the disorder., Stay composed when faced with an episode or alter., Be patient., Show your loved one empathy., Avoid conflict and other stressful situations., Keep your loved one engaged in activity., Help get your loved one treatment...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Understand the disorder.
To understand DID, you need to be aware of the symptoms, the underlying causes, and how you can help alleviate symptoms or reduce their impact in the home.
To thoroughly understand the disorder, it is important to talk to a professional who can walk you through DID.
Some basics of DID include:
When a person has multiple personalities that take over his original personality.
Each personality has a different memory, so if your loved one does something while being controlled by an alter (which is another personality) he or she will most likely not remember it.
The usual cause of the disorder is some childhood abuse, trauma, insecurity or torture.
The symptoms of DID include auditory hallucinations, amnesia (memory loss), fugue episodes in which the person travels in search of something without knowing what or why, depression and anxiety. -
Step 2: Stay composed when faced with an episode or alter.
That is, although it may be somewhat upsetting for you to be faced with an alter, do your best to avoid panicking.
To stay calm, keep in mind that you are dealing with a (while somewhat mysterious) well documented disorder.
As you learn about DID, get used to the idea that your loved one may have several personalities, or alters, within him and all of those alters might be completely different, in age, personality, maybe even gender.
Remember that, while under the influence of an alter, your loved one is somewhat of a different person.
It is possible that some of his alters may not recognize or even know about you.
In addition, the person might suddenly switch to another alter even if in the middle of something like work, conversation or activity.Whether or not you acknowledge the alter or pretend that you do not know the person is under the influence of an alter will depend on the specific situation you are in (e.g., if you are around strangers for just a moment it may be better to avoid the subject or an unwanted and long conversation may ensue) and the specific alter (e.g., whether it is an alter that gets upset about those kinds of discussions) who is present. , Your loved one is dealing with an extremely challenging situation.
While you might find yourself at times frustrated or hurt by something she has done, it is important to remember that your loved one (i.e., the personality you most identify with as being his) does not necessarily know what she is saying.
He has no control over when an alter takes over, so try to remain patient, even if an alter says or does something that frustrates you.
If it gets too overwhelming and you are losing patience, try to excuse yourself from the conversation and take a break.
Although it can be difficult to shorten a dissociative episode, one form of treatment is to intervene immediately following a traumatic event.
So, if you can help the person overcome their trauma that might reduce symptoms of DID and speed up the process.
That said, this generally needs to be done under the supervision of a qualified mental health professional., Along with having patience, you must also have empathy.
Your loved one is experiencing a very scary situation.
He will need as much love and support as you can possibly give him.
Say kind things to him, listen to him when he wants to talk about his situation, and show him that you care. , Stress is one of the largest factors in triggering a personality switch.
Do your best to relieve any stress that your loved one may be experiencing.It is also important to avoid causing stress through conflict or argument.
If your loved one does something that makes you mad, take a moment to yourself to breathe and control your anger.
You can then talk with them about what made you mad and the ways that they can avoid doing that in the future.
If you disagree with something that your loved one said or is doing, use the “Yes, but…” technique.
When he asserts something that you do not agree with, say “yes, but…” so that you avoid directly conflicting with him. , While some people with DID can manage their own time and schedule activities for themselves, other people will not be able to manage their time as well due to memory loss and different personalities pulling their goal-directed behaviors in different directions.If your loved one has a hard time keeping track of what he is supposed to be doing, help him along by reminding him of the activities he has planned.
You might try creating a chart that you keep in a specific place he can easily see it.
On the chart, right down important things he should be doing, as well as suggestions for other fun things to do. , Whether it is medication for other disorders that often co-occur with DID, such as depression or anxiety, or whether it is making sure that your loved one goes to his appointments with his therapist, you will need to help him with both of these things.
Keep track of what medications he is supposed to receive everyday and make a schedule for therapy sessions and other appointments he may have.If your loved one is having trouble keeping a schedule, try creating a calendar with his appointments in it.
If he has a smartphone, you can add a calendar to his phone that will give reminders of his upcoming appointments. , While each person is different, there are some signs that nearly everyone with DID experiences before an episode or personality switch occurs.
It can help to detect these signs so that you can prepare yourself mentally to deal with this person's alter.
These signs include:
Recurrent flashbacks to abuse or bad memories.
Depression or extreme sadness.
Frequent mood swings.
Memory loss.
Aggressive behavior.
Feelings of numbness. , When your loved one experiences a personality shift, memories from his other personalities do not necessarily carry over.
This can make it very hard to keep track of important items like wallets, cell phones, etc.
Create an inventory of your loved ones important items and place notes or stickies on or inside the items with your name and phone number on them.
That way, anyone who finds your loved one’s item can call you to return them.It is also important that you have a copy of all of your loved one’s important documents, including social security card, medical information, passwords, etc. , People suffering from DID have almost always experienced abuse during childhood.
Self-harming behaviors, such as suicide, violence, substance abuse and risk-taking, are common in people who have DID.
These behaviors tend to occur in those who have suffered abuse because they are used in an attempt to end their feelings of shame, horror, and fear spurred on by past abuse.
If you notice that your loved one has started developing self-harming behaviors, call your therapist or the police right away. , It is of the utmost importance that you take time to care for yourself, since taking care of someone with DID can be very stressful.
You should take steps to maintain a healthy diet; it is also important to allow yourself some rest and relaxation time.
Sometimes, you will need to put your needs first in order to keep up the mental and physical strength required to support your loved one. , Schedule alone time where you do not need to worry about anyone else’s time management.
Stay connected with your friends and make sure that you go out and have fun every week.
Taking a break can help you to regain your strength so that you can continue to be patient and empathetic to your loved one’s situation.Join a yoga class to help you center yourself and restore inner peace.
Yoga and meditation can be two great ways to help yourself relax and let go of any tensions and worries that you have. , There are family therapy sessions specifically for the family members of people with DID.
It is very important that you attend sessions so that you can learn about other ways to help your loved one to overcome this disorder and ways to help keep yourself strong.There are also support groups you can join where you can meet other people who are also living with someone who has DID.
You can talk to your therapist about support group options or run an internet search to find one near you. , While some days may seem bleak, you must always keep the hope alive.
With your support and the help of a therapist, your loved one can overcome this disorder and eventually integrate all of their personalities.To maintain hopefulness you can:
Remind yourself that you will become a stronger person in dealing with the situation you are in.
Think about something that you are grateful for to remember that although some aspects of your life are tough, there are good things to look forward to, also. -
Step 3: Be patient.
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Step 4: Show your loved one empathy.
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Step 5: Avoid conflict and other stressful situations.
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Step 6: Keep your loved one engaged in activity.
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Step 7: Help get your loved one treatment.
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Step 8: Know the warning signs of an upcoming episode.
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Step 9: Keep track of your loved one’s possessions.
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Step 10: Monitor for self-harming tendencies.
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Step 11: Take time to do things you love.
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Step 12: Take breaks when you need to.
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Step 13: Attend family therapy.
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Step 14: Remain hopeful.
Detailed Guide
To understand DID, you need to be aware of the symptoms, the underlying causes, and how you can help alleviate symptoms or reduce their impact in the home.
To thoroughly understand the disorder, it is important to talk to a professional who can walk you through DID.
Some basics of DID include:
When a person has multiple personalities that take over his original personality.
Each personality has a different memory, so if your loved one does something while being controlled by an alter (which is another personality) he or she will most likely not remember it.
The usual cause of the disorder is some childhood abuse, trauma, insecurity or torture.
The symptoms of DID include auditory hallucinations, amnesia (memory loss), fugue episodes in which the person travels in search of something without knowing what or why, depression and anxiety.
That is, although it may be somewhat upsetting for you to be faced with an alter, do your best to avoid panicking.
To stay calm, keep in mind that you are dealing with a (while somewhat mysterious) well documented disorder.
As you learn about DID, get used to the idea that your loved one may have several personalities, or alters, within him and all of those alters might be completely different, in age, personality, maybe even gender.
Remember that, while under the influence of an alter, your loved one is somewhat of a different person.
It is possible that some of his alters may not recognize or even know about you.
In addition, the person might suddenly switch to another alter even if in the middle of something like work, conversation or activity.Whether or not you acknowledge the alter or pretend that you do not know the person is under the influence of an alter will depend on the specific situation you are in (e.g., if you are around strangers for just a moment it may be better to avoid the subject or an unwanted and long conversation may ensue) and the specific alter (e.g., whether it is an alter that gets upset about those kinds of discussions) who is present. , Your loved one is dealing with an extremely challenging situation.
While you might find yourself at times frustrated or hurt by something she has done, it is important to remember that your loved one (i.e., the personality you most identify with as being his) does not necessarily know what she is saying.
He has no control over when an alter takes over, so try to remain patient, even if an alter says or does something that frustrates you.
If it gets too overwhelming and you are losing patience, try to excuse yourself from the conversation and take a break.
Although it can be difficult to shorten a dissociative episode, one form of treatment is to intervene immediately following a traumatic event.
So, if you can help the person overcome their trauma that might reduce symptoms of DID and speed up the process.
That said, this generally needs to be done under the supervision of a qualified mental health professional., Along with having patience, you must also have empathy.
Your loved one is experiencing a very scary situation.
He will need as much love and support as you can possibly give him.
Say kind things to him, listen to him when he wants to talk about his situation, and show him that you care. , Stress is one of the largest factors in triggering a personality switch.
Do your best to relieve any stress that your loved one may be experiencing.It is also important to avoid causing stress through conflict or argument.
If your loved one does something that makes you mad, take a moment to yourself to breathe and control your anger.
You can then talk with them about what made you mad and the ways that they can avoid doing that in the future.
If you disagree with something that your loved one said or is doing, use the “Yes, but…” technique.
When he asserts something that you do not agree with, say “yes, but…” so that you avoid directly conflicting with him. , While some people with DID can manage their own time and schedule activities for themselves, other people will not be able to manage their time as well due to memory loss and different personalities pulling their goal-directed behaviors in different directions.If your loved one has a hard time keeping track of what he is supposed to be doing, help him along by reminding him of the activities he has planned.
You might try creating a chart that you keep in a specific place he can easily see it.
On the chart, right down important things he should be doing, as well as suggestions for other fun things to do. , Whether it is medication for other disorders that often co-occur with DID, such as depression or anxiety, or whether it is making sure that your loved one goes to his appointments with his therapist, you will need to help him with both of these things.
Keep track of what medications he is supposed to receive everyday and make a schedule for therapy sessions and other appointments he may have.If your loved one is having trouble keeping a schedule, try creating a calendar with his appointments in it.
If he has a smartphone, you can add a calendar to his phone that will give reminders of his upcoming appointments. , While each person is different, there are some signs that nearly everyone with DID experiences before an episode or personality switch occurs.
It can help to detect these signs so that you can prepare yourself mentally to deal with this person's alter.
These signs include:
Recurrent flashbacks to abuse or bad memories.
Depression or extreme sadness.
Frequent mood swings.
Memory loss.
Aggressive behavior.
Feelings of numbness. , When your loved one experiences a personality shift, memories from his other personalities do not necessarily carry over.
This can make it very hard to keep track of important items like wallets, cell phones, etc.
Create an inventory of your loved ones important items and place notes or stickies on or inside the items with your name and phone number on them.
That way, anyone who finds your loved one’s item can call you to return them.It is also important that you have a copy of all of your loved one’s important documents, including social security card, medical information, passwords, etc. , People suffering from DID have almost always experienced abuse during childhood.
Self-harming behaviors, such as suicide, violence, substance abuse and risk-taking, are common in people who have DID.
These behaviors tend to occur in those who have suffered abuse because they are used in an attempt to end their feelings of shame, horror, and fear spurred on by past abuse.
If you notice that your loved one has started developing self-harming behaviors, call your therapist or the police right away. , It is of the utmost importance that you take time to care for yourself, since taking care of someone with DID can be very stressful.
You should take steps to maintain a healthy diet; it is also important to allow yourself some rest and relaxation time.
Sometimes, you will need to put your needs first in order to keep up the mental and physical strength required to support your loved one. , Schedule alone time where you do not need to worry about anyone else’s time management.
Stay connected with your friends and make sure that you go out and have fun every week.
Taking a break can help you to regain your strength so that you can continue to be patient and empathetic to your loved one’s situation.Join a yoga class to help you center yourself and restore inner peace.
Yoga and meditation can be two great ways to help yourself relax and let go of any tensions and worries that you have. , There are family therapy sessions specifically for the family members of people with DID.
It is very important that you attend sessions so that you can learn about other ways to help your loved one to overcome this disorder and ways to help keep yourself strong.There are also support groups you can join where you can meet other people who are also living with someone who has DID.
You can talk to your therapist about support group options or run an internet search to find one near you. , While some days may seem bleak, you must always keep the hope alive.
With your support and the help of a therapist, your loved one can overcome this disorder and eventually integrate all of their personalities.To maintain hopefulness you can:
Remind yourself that you will become a stronger person in dealing with the situation you are in.
Think about something that you are grateful for to remember that although some aspects of your life are tough, there are good things to look forward to, also.
About the Author
Jerry Reynolds
Committed to making lifestyle accessible and understandable for everyone.
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