How to Not Dwell on the Past
Express your hurt., Accept your decisions., Decide to let your past go., Think about what you have learned., Forgive yourself., Forgive other people., Stay away from toxic relationships., Seek a professional counselor.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Express your hurt.
There are many sources of pain in life.
You may have made a mistake, regret a decision, failed to take an opportunity, hurt someone, or were hurt by someone.
Instead of reliving your past over and over in your head, get it out.Express yourself by writing in a journal, talking to a trusted friend or family member, or talking to a professional counselor.
If your hurt involves another person, you can talk to the person about how you feel or write the person a letter.
If you do not want to talk to the person, you can write a letter to the person, but never send the letter to the person.
Expressing your feelings about your past can also help you understand how you really feel about the situation. -
Step 2: Accept your decisions.
Anytime you make a decision, you say yes to one opportunity and say no to other possibilities.
It can be easy to sit and wonder "what if," but that only leads to frustration.
Running scenarios in your mind will not change what has already happened.
Instead of thinking about what may or may not have happened if you made different choices, focus on the present and what you can do now.Accept that your past has happened and you may or may not be proud of what happened.
However, it is now part of your story.
Tell yourself, "I made that decision in my past.
It made sense to me at the time.
Looking back, it may have been better to ____.
However, I could not predict the outcome, but this will help me in the future if I deal with a similar situation."
Once you have expressed your hurt, make a conscious decision to let it go.
Although you cannot change your past, you can choose to not dwell on it and take the steps to move on.
When you choose to let it go, you are being proactive about moving on instead of being a victim to your past.Tell yourself, "I accept myself and my past.
I am choosing to move on from this." or "I will not be defined by my past.
I am choosing to move forward." This decision is an everyday choice that you are making.
You may need to talk to yourself about moving on every morning until you actually get over your past., Your past is a learning opportunity for you.
Your experience may have taught you abut yourself, other people, or life in general.
Sit and think about both the positive and negative things that you have learned, but focus more on the positive lessons.
It's okay if you have a hard time thinking of something positive that you learned.
It may help to make a list of the positive lessons and negative lessons.
For example, a failed romantic relationship may have shown you traits (e.g. more patient, more affectionate, etc.) that you desire in your next partner. , Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets.
Your past is your past.
It is not something that is currently happening or is guaranteed to happen in the future.
You are more than your past.
It does not define you.Forgive yourself and allow yourself to move forward with your life.
Write yourself a letter that details what happened, what you may have done differently, what influenced your choices at the time, and how you feel about yourself.
Conclude the letter by writing about forgiving yourself and appreciating the person that you are now.
Tell yourself, "I forgive myself," "I love myself," and "I accept myself."
You may have been hurt by another person in your past and continue to relive that painful situation in your mind.
You cannot change how that person treated you, but you can choose to forgive.
Forgiveness is accepting what happened to you and deciding to let go of the anger and pain so that you can move on.
Forgiveness is about you, not the person that has hurt you.Examine what role you played in the situation, if any.
Practice empathy and consider the other person's perspective and motivation for their actions.
This may help you better understand the situation.
You can only control yourself and your emotions.
Make a choice to forgive the person.
You can have a conversation with the person, you can write the person a letter, or you can write a letter and never give it to the person.
Forgiveness is a process that does not happen overnight. , There may be toxic people in your life that hinder your ability to grow and move forward.
A person may be toxic if you dread being around them, feel bad or ashamed when you are around them, you feel drained or upset after interacting with them, are negatively affected by their personal drama, or are constantly trying to help them or fix them.
It is important that you either manage or remove these relationships from your life.If you keep a toxic person in your life, set boundaries that protect you from the person's behavior.
Tell the person how you feel about their behavior by saying, "When you ___, I feel ____.
I need ____.
I am sharing my feelings with you because _____."
If you need help dealing with your past, a professional counselor or therapist can help you work through your feelings.
A professional is trained to listen, help you work through your problems, and give you tools to have a more positive life.
Find a therapist that is credentialed, makes you feel comfortable, and has experience treating the problems that you have.If you have health insurance, contact your health insurance provider for a list of mental health professionals.
You can also ask for a recommendation from your primary care health provider.
If you do not have health insurance, you can visit the Partnership for Prescription Awareness Assistance to find a free or low-cost clinic near you. -
Step 3: Decide to let your past go.
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Step 4: Think about what you have learned.
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Step 5: Forgive yourself.
-
Step 6: Forgive other people.
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Step 7: Stay away from toxic relationships.
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Step 8: Seek a professional counselor.
Detailed Guide
There are many sources of pain in life.
You may have made a mistake, regret a decision, failed to take an opportunity, hurt someone, or were hurt by someone.
Instead of reliving your past over and over in your head, get it out.Express yourself by writing in a journal, talking to a trusted friend or family member, or talking to a professional counselor.
If your hurt involves another person, you can talk to the person about how you feel or write the person a letter.
If you do not want to talk to the person, you can write a letter to the person, but never send the letter to the person.
Expressing your feelings about your past can also help you understand how you really feel about the situation.
Anytime you make a decision, you say yes to one opportunity and say no to other possibilities.
It can be easy to sit and wonder "what if," but that only leads to frustration.
Running scenarios in your mind will not change what has already happened.
Instead of thinking about what may or may not have happened if you made different choices, focus on the present and what you can do now.Accept that your past has happened and you may or may not be proud of what happened.
However, it is now part of your story.
Tell yourself, "I made that decision in my past.
It made sense to me at the time.
Looking back, it may have been better to ____.
However, I could not predict the outcome, but this will help me in the future if I deal with a similar situation."
Once you have expressed your hurt, make a conscious decision to let it go.
Although you cannot change your past, you can choose to not dwell on it and take the steps to move on.
When you choose to let it go, you are being proactive about moving on instead of being a victim to your past.Tell yourself, "I accept myself and my past.
I am choosing to move on from this." or "I will not be defined by my past.
I am choosing to move forward." This decision is an everyday choice that you are making.
You may need to talk to yourself about moving on every morning until you actually get over your past., Your past is a learning opportunity for you.
Your experience may have taught you abut yourself, other people, or life in general.
Sit and think about both the positive and negative things that you have learned, but focus more on the positive lessons.
It's okay if you have a hard time thinking of something positive that you learned.
It may help to make a list of the positive lessons and negative lessons.
For example, a failed romantic relationship may have shown you traits (e.g. more patient, more affectionate, etc.) that you desire in your next partner. , Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets.
Your past is your past.
It is not something that is currently happening or is guaranteed to happen in the future.
You are more than your past.
It does not define you.Forgive yourself and allow yourself to move forward with your life.
Write yourself a letter that details what happened, what you may have done differently, what influenced your choices at the time, and how you feel about yourself.
Conclude the letter by writing about forgiving yourself and appreciating the person that you are now.
Tell yourself, "I forgive myself," "I love myself," and "I accept myself."
You may have been hurt by another person in your past and continue to relive that painful situation in your mind.
You cannot change how that person treated you, but you can choose to forgive.
Forgiveness is accepting what happened to you and deciding to let go of the anger and pain so that you can move on.
Forgiveness is about you, not the person that has hurt you.Examine what role you played in the situation, if any.
Practice empathy and consider the other person's perspective and motivation for their actions.
This may help you better understand the situation.
You can only control yourself and your emotions.
Make a choice to forgive the person.
You can have a conversation with the person, you can write the person a letter, or you can write a letter and never give it to the person.
Forgiveness is a process that does not happen overnight. , There may be toxic people in your life that hinder your ability to grow and move forward.
A person may be toxic if you dread being around them, feel bad or ashamed when you are around them, you feel drained or upset after interacting with them, are negatively affected by their personal drama, or are constantly trying to help them or fix them.
It is important that you either manage or remove these relationships from your life.If you keep a toxic person in your life, set boundaries that protect you from the person's behavior.
Tell the person how you feel about their behavior by saying, "When you ___, I feel ____.
I need ____.
I am sharing my feelings with you because _____."
If you need help dealing with your past, a professional counselor or therapist can help you work through your feelings.
A professional is trained to listen, help you work through your problems, and give you tools to have a more positive life.
Find a therapist that is credentialed, makes you feel comfortable, and has experience treating the problems that you have.If you have health insurance, contact your health insurance provider for a list of mental health professionals.
You can also ask for a recommendation from your primary care health provider.
If you do not have health insurance, you can visit the Partnership for Prescription Awareness Assistance to find a free or low-cost clinic near you.
About the Author
Amanda Jones
Specializes in breaking down complex crafts topics into simple steps.
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