How to Outsmart People
Prepare ahead of time., Know your audience., Remain calm., Ask questions., Mirror the other person., Don’t assume you know what the other person’s arguments are., Distract your opponent from their position.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Prepare ahead of time.
If you know that Grandpa Joe always likes to get on your case about "kids these days" make sure that you attend the family reunion with a pocketful of facts about the good your generation is doing, the hardships your generation faces compared to his, and so on.You can't always count on being fully prepared for an argument ahead of time, but there are some things you can do to make it more likely that you come out on top in an on-the-spot argument.
If there are certain subjects that are important to you make sure you know as much about them as possible.
This way, even if you're not prepared for a specific argument, should one arise, you'll have the facts to back up your side of things.
Make sure that you understand how to set up a compelling argument (see the section about making your case).
You want to avoid falling into certain argument fallacies. -
Step 2: Know your audience.
Your argument is going to be different based on the people who are participating in the argument and the people who are listening to it.
The fewer people to deal with, the easier you'll have it, because you won't have to try to figure in so many different argument types.
For example: to go back to your Grandpa Joe, you wouldn't want to engage in a loud and angry argument with him in front of all your relatives.
This will make him less likely to back down no matter how asinine his side of the argument is.
Instead, you might talk to him in a more private setting without all the family members around watching you. , The person who loses their temper or their hold on their emotions first is the person who loses the argument.
It doesn't matter how good your facts are, because you're out of control and more likely to make a mistake.Take deep breaths when you feel your temper or emotions rising.
This is also why it's important to listen carefully when the other person is talking.
If you can focus on what they're saying and take a moment to consider your rebuttal, you're less likely to respond with an immediate knee-jerk emotional reaction. , This was a favorite tactic of philosophers like Socrates.
Asking questions does a number of sneaky things in an argument: it allows you to remain in control of an argument (because you're directing where it goes and keeping the pressure on the other person's argument), and it exposes any discrepancies or weaknesses in your opponent's argument.Ask for proof, or for sources to support the claims that they make.
For example: if you're in an argument with someone about the debacle in Gaza, and they make all sorts of wild claims, ask them to back up those claims with proof and sources. , You want to create a sort of camaraderie between yourself and the other person, or persons.
This will help them lower their guard, because they will feel more comfortable and less attacked, but it will make them more open to listening to you.Try to subtly mimic their speech patterns.
You're not doing this because you want to make fun of them for how they talk, but because you want to connect with them on the same level.
So, for example, when you're talking with Grandpa Joe it's better to fall into the "good-ole-boy" speech patterns than your super academic, "lots of big obnoxious words" speech pattern.
You should also try to subtly mirror their body language.
Make sure that you are a slower, imperfect mirror.
Follow too closely and your opponent will catch on.
For example, if Grandpa Joe puts on leg over the other and leans forward, wait a couple seconds, and then do the same. , Assuming you know what your opponent is going to argue is a surefire way to be caught without an effective counter-argument.
Prepare as much as you can based on what you think your opponent might argue, but leave room for surprises.
Make sure that you're listening closely to what the other person is saying.
If you miss something or are distracted ask them to repeat what they said. , If you can off-balance your opponent, then it almost doesn't matter whether their argument makes more sense than yours.
Always act with confidence in your argument.
Throw in a punchy one-liner: "You're being defensive" or "That is beside the point" or "What are your parameters?" These types of phrases are sure to irritate people and can have the added benefit of actually making them defensive, even if they weren't previously.
You want to be careful with this step, because you don't want this to turn into attacks on the other person's character (which is called an ad hominem attack and should be avoided).
Focus on only a few of their arguments, especially ones that you know you can defeat.
Confidently assume that you've won once you've defeated those ones. -
Step 3: Remain calm.
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Step 4: Ask questions.
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Step 5: Mirror the other person.
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Step 6: Don’t assume you know what the other person’s arguments are.
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Step 7: Distract your opponent from their position.
Detailed Guide
If you know that Grandpa Joe always likes to get on your case about "kids these days" make sure that you attend the family reunion with a pocketful of facts about the good your generation is doing, the hardships your generation faces compared to his, and so on.You can't always count on being fully prepared for an argument ahead of time, but there are some things you can do to make it more likely that you come out on top in an on-the-spot argument.
If there are certain subjects that are important to you make sure you know as much about them as possible.
This way, even if you're not prepared for a specific argument, should one arise, you'll have the facts to back up your side of things.
Make sure that you understand how to set up a compelling argument (see the section about making your case).
You want to avoid falling into certain argument fallacies.
Your argument is going to be different based on the people who are participating in the argument and the people who are listening to it.
The fewer people to deal with, the easier you'll have it, because you won't have to try to figure in so many different argument types.
For example: to go back to your Grandpa Joe, you wouldn't want to engage in a loud and angry argument with him in front of all your relatives.
This will make him less likely to back down no matter how asinine his side of the argument is.
Instead, you might talk to him in a more private setting without all the family members around watching you. , The person who loses their temper or their hold on their emotions first is the person who loses the argument.
It doesn't matter how good your facts are, because you're out of control and more likely to make a mistake.Take deep breaths when you feel your temper or emotions rising.
This is also why it's important to listen carefully when the other person is talking.
If you can focus on what they're saying and take a moment to consider your rebuttal, you're less likely to respond with an immediate knee-jerk emotional reaction. , This was a favorite tactic of philosophers like Socrates.
Asking questions does a number of sneaky things in an argument: it allows you to remain in control of an argument (because you're directing where it goes and keeping the pressure on the other person's argument), and it exposes any discrepancies or weaknesses in your opponent's argument.Ask for proof, or for sources to support the claims that they make.
For example: if you're in an argument with someone about the debacle in Gaza, and they make all sorts of wild claims, ask them to back up those claims with proof and sources. , You want to create a sort of camaraderie between yourself and the other person, or persons.
This will help them lower their guard, because they will feel more comfortable and less attacked, but it will make them more open to listening to you.Try to subtly mimic their speech patterns.
You're not doing this because you want to make fun of them for how they talk, but because you want to connect with them on the same level.
So, for example, when you're talking with Grandpa Joe it's better to fall into the "good-ole-boy" speech patterns than your super academic, "lots of big obnoxious words" speech pattern.
You should also try to subtly mirror their body language.
Make sure that you are a slower, imperfect mirror.
Follow too closely and your opponent will catch on.
For example, if Grandpa Joe puts on leg over the other and leans forward, wait a couple seconds, and then do the same. , Assuming you know what your opponent is going to argue is a surefire way to be caught without an effective counter-argument.
Prepare as much as you can based on what you think your opponent might argue, but leave room for surprises.
Make sure that you're listening closely to what the other person is saying.
If you miss something or are distracted ask them to repeat what they said. , If you can off-balance your opponent, then it almost doesn't matter whether their argument makes more sense than yours.
Always act with confidence in your argument.
Throw in a punchy one-liner: "You're being defensive" or "That is beside the point" or "What are your parameters?" These types of phrases are sure to irritate people and can have the added benefit of actually making them defensive, even if they weren't previously.
You want to be careful with this step, because you don't want this to turn into attacks on the other person's character (which is called an ad hominem attack and should be avoided).
Focus on only a few of their arguments, especially ones that you know you can defeat.
Confidently assume that you've won once you've defeated those ones.
About the Author
Samuel Flores
Committed to making lifestyle accessible and understandable for everyone.
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