How to Overcome Loneliness
Admit your feelings., Accept your loneliness., Learn to be alone., Strengthen social connections., Overcome feelings of rejection., Don’t allow your mind to get stuck in the “shoulds.” Maybe you experienced a bad outcome from a social situation that...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Admit your feelings.
If you’ve felt sad, down, and disconnected from other people, you may feel lonely.
Think about the contact you’ve had with others recently and whether it’s been fulfilling to you.
Sometimes you can have people in your life and still feel lonely if your social and emotional needs are not met.
Loneliness is different than solitude.
You can be solitary and not lonely, and sometimes you may need some time alone.Loneliness is a negative emotional state. -
Step 2: Accept your loneliness.
While it may be easier to push feelings of loneliness aside, sit with them and allow yourself to feel your emotions.
You may find yourself turning to tv, sleep, or video games.
Recognize that avoiding feelings of loneliness will not make them go away.
Instead, commit to acknowledging the feelings, and be aware of when you feel lonely.Overcoming loneliness doesn’t mean pushing it aside.
It means accepting what you’re feeling, and then taking steps to improve the negativity you feel around being lonely.
Take a moment and see if you can feel where loneliness affects you within your body.
Does it cause tightening in the chest, or tense shoulder muscles? , Being alone doesn't automatically make you feel lonely, so if you experience this emotion whenever you spend time alone, you need to work through your discomfort with spending time on your own.
Maybe you have your own apartment for the first time, or maybe you are just recently divorced or dealing with the death of a spouse.
Make an effort to engage in activities that decrease your loneliness and help you begin to feel comfortable with solitude.
Try writing a letter, doing a craft (like sewing, painting, or knitting), caring for a pet (or getting a pet if you don't have one), cooking yourself a fancy meal, reading, or writing a story or even a novel.Things to avoid include drinking alcohol alone, mindlessly consuming food or watching hours of television, escaping through recreational drugs., If you feel lonely even when you're in a crowded room or among friends, you may need to strengthen your connection to your social support system.
Work on increasing your communication skills, which can help deepen your relationships.
Learn to communicate assertively, meaning you make your needs known while respecting the needs of others.
Improve your listening skills to let your friends know you really hear them and care about what they have to say.
If your social circle is unable to meet your emotional and social needs, you may need to make new friends who support you.
Or you may need to simply expand your social circle to include more people. , Maybe you’ve retreated from people because you’re scared people won’t like you or they will reject you.
Just like loneliness, rejection happens to everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t quite "click" with a group of people.
By letting go of your fears and choosing to trust other people, you can begin to be more trusting in relationships.Not everyone is out to hurt you.
If you fear re-living a past bad relationship or friendship, know that there are many good people and good relationships. , Or maybe you have rules for how you engage with other people.
When you tell yourself that you “should” do something, or that you “should have” done something differently in the past, you can end up feeling guilty or disappointed in yourself.You cannot change the past.
If you wish things had gone differently, acknowledge the situation and your feelings, and resolve to respond differently next time something similar comes up.
Instead of thinking in shoulds, ask yourself a question instead.
Instead of saying “I should be social”, replace it with “Would being social be beneficial for me?” Instead of thinking “I should have handled that situation differently” replace it with “How can I approach that situation differently next time?” , When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so stupid,” or “I can’t believe I’m such a failure,” or “This goes the same way every time,” challenge those thoughts and have a positive comeback.
Once you bring awareness to your negative talk, you may be surprised at how inaccurate or exaggerated your thoughts are.Instead, say, “Sometimes I struggle in social situations, but every conversation is better and better,” and “It’s not fair for me to assume things will go disastrously.
It’s up to me to have a good attitude.” , You may feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts when you are around people, which may lead you to isolate yourself.
You may think the social event will be boring, or you won’t enjoy the people around you.
Keep in mind that your negative thoughts may not reflect reality.Ask yourself if there are different ways you can look at the situation.
Practice seeing the situation from a different point of view, as an outsider.
How do things look different? If you find yourself thinking, “I shouldn’t have come to this party,” challenge the perception.
You may meet someone interesting or be surprised at how fun the environment is. , Some people avoid social situations because they feel concerned about looking foolish in front of people or saying something stupid.
Or, you may worry about what other people think of you.
These are things that contribute to social anxiety.
Learn to accept yourself, in both your social successes and failures.And remember, everyone makes social mistakes! Almost anyone you talk to has a story of when they said or did the wrong thing, and will most likely laugh about the situation when telling you the story.
Just the same way you’re evaluating yourself, others are doing the same with themselves.
Often, people are far more concerned with their own social performance to notice that you are nervous or anxious., If you’re shy, you may feel uncomfortable about meeting new people or overwhelmed in social situations.
It may take you some time to warm up to new people or to feel comfortable in a group setting.
You may also struggle to approach someone in a social situation.Much of overcoming shyness is about overcoming fears and “going for it.” If you’re nervous to approach someone or start a conversation, try it.
Often it’s less scary than you think, and you feel more confident the more you do it.
Start slow.
Determine to push your comfort zone little by little by trying a new social experience every month and building up the intensity with each new experience.
If you have a dog, go to the dog park and bond with other people who also have dogs.
There are plenty of things to talk about, and breaking the ice isn’t so hard.
If you cannot adopt or care for a dog, volunteer to walk dogs at a local animal shelter. -
Step 3: Learn to be alone.
-
Step 4: Strengthen social connections.
-
Step 5: Overcome feelings of rejection.
-
Step 6: Don’t allow your mind to get stuck in the “shoulds.” Maybe you experienced a bad outcome from a social situation that you replay in your mind over and over
-
Step 7: wishing it had gone differently.
-
Step 8: Disallow negative self-talk.
-
Step 9: Challenge negative perceptions of social situations.
-
Step 10: Dispel feelings of anxiety.
-
Step 11: Overcome shyness.
Detailed Guide
If you’ve felt sad, down, and disconnected from other people, you may feel lonely.
Think about the contact you’ve had with others recently and whether it’s been fulfilling to you.
Sometimes you can have people in your life and still feel lonely if your social and emotional needs are not met.
Loneliness is different than solitude.
You can be solitary and not lonely, and sometimes you may need some time alone.Loneliness is a negative emotional state.
While it may be easier to push feelings of loneliness aside, sit with them and allow yourself to feel your emotions.
You may find yourself turning to tv, sleep, or video games.
Recognize that avoiding feelings of loneliness will not make them go away.
Instead, commit to acknowledging the feelings, and be aware of when you feel lonely.Overcoming loneliness doesn’t mean pushing it aside.
It means accepting what you’re feeling, and then taking steps to improve the negativity you feel around being lonely.
Take a moment and see if you can feel where loneliness affects you within your body.
Does it cause tightening in the chest, or tense shoulder muscles? , Being alone doesn't automatically make you feel lonely, so if you experience this emotion whenever you spend time alone, you need to work through your discomfort with spending time on your own.
Maybe you have your own apartment for the first time, or maybe you are just recently divorced or dealing with the death of a spouse.
Make an effort to engage in activities that decrease your loneliness and help you begin to feel comfortable with solitude.
Try writing a letter, doing a craft (like sewing, painting, or knitting), caring for a pet (or getting a pet if you don't have one), cooking yourself a fancy meal, reading, or writing a story or even a novel.Things to avoid include drinking alcohol alone, mindlessly consuming food or watching hours of television, escaping through recreational drugs., If you feel lonely even when you're in a crowded room or among friends, you may need to strengthen your connection to your social support system.
Work on increasing your communication skills, which can help deepen your relationships.
Learn to communicate assertively, meaning you make your needs known while respecting the needs of others.
Improve your listening skills to let your friends know you really hear them and care about what they have to say.
If your social circle is unable to meet your emotional and social needs, you may need to make new friends who support you.
Or you may need to simply expand your social circle to include more people. , Maybe you’ve retreated from people because you’re scared people won’t like you or they will reject you.
Just like loneliness, rejection happens to everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t quite "click" with a group of people.
By letting go of your fears and choosing to trust other people, you can begin to be more trusting in relationships.Not everyone is out to hurt you.
If you fear re-living a past bad relationship or friendship, know that there are many good people and good relationships. , Or maybe you have rules for how you engage with other people.
When you tell yourself that you “should” do something, or that you “should have” done something differently in the past, you can end up feeling guilty or disappointed in yourself.You cannot change the past.
If you wish things had gone differently, acknowledge the situation and your feelings, and resolve to respond differently next time something similar comes up.
Instead of thinking in shoulds, ask yourself a question instead.
Instead of saying “I should be social”, replace it with “Would being social be beneficial for me?” Instead of thinking “I should have handled that situation differently” replace it with “How can I approach that situation differently next time?” , When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so stupid,” or “I can’t believe I’m such a failure,” or “This goes the same way every time,” challenge those thoughts and have a positive comeback.
Once you bring awareness to your negative talk, you may be surprised at how inaccurate or exaggerated your thoughts are.Instead, say, “Sometimes I struggle in social situations, but every conversation is better and better,” and “It’s not fair for me to assume things will go disastrously.
It’s up to me to have a good attitude.” , You may feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts when you are around people, which may lead you to isolate yourself.
You may think the social event will be boring, or you won’t enjoy the people around you.
Keep in mind that your negative thoughts may not reflect reality.Ask yourself if there are different ways you can look at the situation.
Practice seeing the situation from a different point of view, as an outsider.
How do things look different? If you find yourself thinking, “I shouldn’t have come to this party,” challenge the perception.
You may meet someone interesting or be surprised at how fun the environment is. , Some people avoid social situations because they feel concerned about looking foolish in front of people or saying something stupid.
Or, you may worry about what other people think of you.
These are things that contribute to social anxiety.
Learn to accept yourself, in both your social successes and failures.And remember, everyone makes social mistakes! Almost anyone you talk to has a story of when they said or did the wrong thing, and will most likely laugh about the situation when telling you the story.
Just the same way you’re evaluating yourself, others are doing the same with themselves.
Often, people are far more concerned with their own social performance to notice that you are nervous or anxious., If you’re shy, you may feel uncomfortable about meeting new people or overwhelmed in social situations.
It may take you some time to warm up to new people or to feel comfortable in a group setting.
You may also struggle to approach someone in a social situation.Much of overcoming shyness is about overcoming fears and “going for it.” If you’re nervous to approach someone or start a conversation, try it.
Often it’s less scary than you think, and you feel more confident the more you do it.
Start slow.
Determine to push your comfort zone little by little by trying a new social experience every month and building up the intensity with each new experience.
If you have a dog, go to the dog park and bond with other people who also have dogs.
There are plenty of things to talk about, and breaking the ice isn’t so hard.
If you cannot adopt or care for a dog, volunteer to walk dogs at a local animal shelter.
About the Author
Abigail Phillips
Specializes in breaking down complex lifestyle topics into simple steps.
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