How to Overcome the Fear of Being Happy
Identify your self-defeating habits., Drop the notion that struggling is desirable or attractive., Recognize that limiting yourself helps no one., Believe that you deserve happiness., Practice self-compassion., Accept that you may be disappointed...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Identify your self-defeating habits.
Make a mental note of every time you hear that negative voice in your head berating you.
It likely occurs in challenging times when you feel overwhelmed and under-resourced with the problems you face.
You may fall back on this negative narrative because it is what you are comfortable with and used to.
But, in reality, it can prevent you from finding a solution to your problem, which can stop you from feeling happy.Take a day or two to listen to your thoughts and examine the feelings and behaviors that relate to them.
When you are driving to work or school, while hanging with friends, or before going to bed—what’s going through your head and how are these thoughts affecting your life? -
Step 2: Drop the notion that struggling is desirable or attractive.
Know that being at peace with yourself and happy with your circumstance doesn’t mean you aren’t working hard and didn’t struggle to get where you are.
Stop thinking that being stressed all of the time and constantly working is the only way to be successful.
Realize that all work and no play will likely make you miserable and unable to enjoy what you’re working so hard for: your family, yourself, and your happiness.
Understand that being exhausted and anxious all of the time doesn’t mean you are doing this “life” thing better than others.This type of behavior is common in people who are perfectionists.
They may feel that they need to keep working and improving to be happy, and that if they are not working and improving then they are failing. , Understand that not everyone can be happy at the same time, and that’s OK.
You may feel bad that you are experiencing success while those around you are struggling, and you may want to stop feeling this way because of that, but your misery won’t make others happy.
Denying yourself joy doesn’t mean that others will experience it themselves., Stop being so hard on yourself and realize that when you tell yourself you don’t deserve to be happy, you’re being a bully to yourself.
It’s not admirable or humbling to put yourself down constantly by believing that you don’t deserve that promotion or that new significant other.
Instead, treat yourself and learn to love yourself like you do others by being patient, caring, empathetic, and forgiving with yourself. , Stop being so hard on yourself.
When you make a mistake, have a conversation with yourself about why it happened, instead of automatically punishing yourself.
Understanding why you did what you did in that moment, and figuring out what you needed and how to give it to yourself, may stop you from making the mistake again.Practice self-compassion by acknowledging any suffering you experience and nurturing yourself during these periods.
Give yourself a hug.
Take a warm bath.
Get a massage.
Stop feeling like you should punish yourself, and instead befriend yourself. , Some people do not allow themselves to be happy because they are afraid that they may be disappointed later on.
To get over a fear of being happy, you may need to accept that disappointment is a normal part of life.
It is okay to let yourself be happy, even if you end up feeling disappointed later on.
Try to remind yourself that feeling disappointment when something does not work out is normal and everyone deals with these feelings sometimes.
One way to reduce feelings of disappointment might be to approach your life like a scientist.
Look at the things you experience as experiments that teach you something new.
If something does not work out, ask yourself what lessons you can learn from the experience. -
Step 3: Recognize that limiting yourself helps no one.
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Step 4: Believe that you deserve happiness.
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Step 5: Practice self-compassion.
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Step 6: Accept that you may be disappointed sometimes.
Detailed Guide
Make a mental note of every time you hear that negative voice in your head berating you.
It likely occurs in challenging times when you feel overwhelmed and under-resourced with the problems you face.
You may fall back on this negative narrative because it is what you are comfortable with and used to.
But, in reality, it can prevent you from finding a solution to your problem, which can stop you from feeling happy.Take a day or two to listen to your thoughts and examine the feelings and behaviors that relate to them.
When you are driving to work or school, while hanging with friends, or before going to bed—what’s going through your head and how are these thoughts affecting your life?
Know that being at peace with yourself and happy with your circumstance doesn’t mean you aren’t working hard and didn’t struggle to get where you are.
Stop thinking that being stressed all of the time and constantly working is the only way to be successful.
Realize that all work and no play will likely make you miserable and unable to enjoy what you’re working so hard for: your family, yourself, and your happiness.
Understand that being exhausted and anxious all of the time doesn’t mean you are doing this “life” thing better than others.This type of behavior is common in people who are perfectionists.
They may feel that they need to keep working and improving to be happy, and that if they are not working and improving then they are failing. , Understand that not everyone can be happy at the same time, and that’s OK.
You may feel bad that you are experiencing success while those around you are struggling, and you may want to stop feeling this way because of that, but your misery won’t make others happy.
Denying yourself joy doesn’t mean that others will experience it themselves., Stop being so hard on yourself and realize that when you tell yourself you don’t deserve to be happy, you’re being a bully to yourself.
It’s not admirable or humbling to put yourself down constantly by believing that you don’t deserve that promotion or that new significant other.
Instead, treat yourself and learn to love yourself like you do others by being patient, caring, empathetic, and forgiving with yourself. , Stop being so hard on yourself.
When you make a mistake, have a conversation with yourself about why it happened, instead of automatically punishing yourself.
Understanding why you did what you did in that moment, and figuring out what you needed and how to give it to yourself, may stop you from making the mistake again.Practice self-compassion by acknowledging any suffering you experience and nurturing yourself during these periods.
Give yourself a hug.
Take a warm bath.
Get a massage.
Stop feeling like you should punish yourself, and instead befriend yourself. , Some people do not allow themselves to be happy because they are afraid that they may be disappointed later on.
To get over a fear of being happy, you may need to accept that disappointment is a normal part of life.
It is okay to let yourself be happy, even if you end up feeling disappointed later on.
Try to remind yourself that feeling disappointment when something does not work out is normal and everyone deals with these feelings sometimes.
One way to reduce feelings of disappointment might be to approach your life like a scientist.
Look at the things you experience as experiments that teach you something new.
If something does not work out, ask yourself what lessons you can learn from the experience.
About the Author
Doris Rogers
Writer and educator with a focus on practical DIY projects knowledge.
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