How to Pick Up a Girl
Broaden your horizons., Understand the (straight) male-female dynamic., Be yourself, but be your best self., Perfect your body language., Never forget: body language is powerful, but it's not always clear., Learn this mantra: do or die.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Broaden your horizons.
Don't get sucked in to thinking that you can find girls only to date when you're out at a party or at the bar or pub.
You never know where or when you might meet a girl who would be open to a night out with you if you play your cards right.
The saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” reflects this fact.
If you want to find a girl to pick up, keep your eyes open everywhere you go: at work, in cafes, on the street, pretty much anywhere public.
That being said, there are a couple of important things to keep in mind:
A supermarket pickup is a hard sell.
Most people don't go to the grocery store or the bank because they are hoping to find romance, which is why the conventional wisdom rightly suggests that bars, clubs, and parties are the best places to meet potential dates.
Do not expect a good response if you try picking up girls in places they have to go because life demands it.
Instead, consider open-air markets, cafes, and other places people go because they want to be out.
It is likely that girls in such places will be at least somewhat more receptive to meeting new people, since they are not on important business.
Unless you are hoping to become some sort of Don Juan (note: you will not succeed if this is your plan), perform a “ring test” before hitting on anyone.
Is the girl wearing a band or diamond-set ring on either ring finger (or both)? If so, she is likely married (left hand) or engaged to be married (right hand).
Respect that and leave her alone. -
Step 2: Understand the (straight) male-female dynamic.
This varies widely from country to country, but generally speaking, there is a clear paradigm in the Western world (that is, Europe, Australia, and North America) that defines what men and women find attractive in the opposite sex.
It's actually very complicated, but at the most basic level, it works like this:
Women are primarily attracted to social power and influence; men are primarily attracted to fertility and health (which is why Western culture is obsessed with making women look youthful).
There is a whole universe of things that men can do to suggest social power and thus become more attractive.
Consider developing a strong sense of style or a clever sense of humor.
Physical wealth is a strong display of social power, which is why some guys maintain beautiful cars even though they're otherwise living in poverty.
Think about how you can accentuate your life to emphasize your own strengths.
The most basic and perhaps most useful way to show that you have social power is to be confident.
By demonstrating an ability to speak and act in a self-assured manner, you can show that you have nothing to fear from other men, which makes you seem relatively powerful.
This is why it is often said that confidence is everything in the dating world.
Become confident, and the rest of the pickup game boils down to details; fail to exhibit confidence, and you will always struggle to get dates. , It's important that you avoid being fake.
Women are very perceptive and will not take you seriously if you're disrespecting them by pretending to be someone or something you're not.
On the other hand, women aren't looking for a mess to clean up, either.
One of the greatest benefits of a long-term relationship is having the freedom to share your worries and fears with someone who loves you, but right now, you aren't in a long-term relationship
- you're washing laundry next to someone with a cute smile and a funny T-shirt.
Don't lose perspective.
The pickup is your chance to show off all there is to like about you, not an excuse to start unloading on a girl who was nice enough to listen. , Body language is more than just standing with a straight back and making eye contact: it's the whole package, everything you do to communicate that isn't the words coming out of your mouth.
Body language is the primary way that human beings communicate emotional states to each other, making it an all-important “language” to learn if you want to be at the top of your dating game.
The rules of thumb are as follows:
More eye contact is better than less eye contact.
Smile whenever you make eye contact.
Don't look away until you've smiled.
Don't stare.
Try to keep your eyes from glancing at a woman's body if you're talking to her.
Adopt an open stance: legs and arms uncrossed, shoulders back, head level.
This makes you appear confident, relaxed, and receptive.
Don't mumble.
Speak clearly and without hesitation.
Lean in slightly to the person you're interested in when you speak to her.
Bringing your head slightly forward is fine if you're seated. , For example, people tend to touch the parts of themselves they think are attractive when they are attracted to someone.
A girl who keeps touching her lips or chest with one hand as she talks to you might be interested; then again, she could just be itchy.
Take any cues you think you see with a grain of salt. , If a girl was attracted to you, wouldn't you want her to let you know now instead of three years from now? Girls feel the same way.
This is why slowly trying to win over a woman's heart by ingratiating yourself to her never seems to work: women want a man who will come right out and say how he feels.
If he really is interested enough to want a date, he should be willing to risk rejection for the sake of the chance.
Even women who are very attracted to you won't wait around for you to ask them out forever.
They'll either decide that you aren't attracted to them and give up, or that you aren't attractive because you were never brave enough to ask for a date.
When you feel attracted to a girl, if you don't ask her out the same day you realize you want to date her, assume you have around a month at most to make your intentions known.
Don't wait for a perfect moment. -
Step 3: Be yourself
-
Step 4: but be your best self.
-
Step 5: Perfect your body language.
-
Step 6: Never forget: body language is powerful
-
Step 7: but it's not always clear.
-
Step 8: Learn this mantra: do or die.
Detailed Guide
Don't get sucked in to thinking that you can find girls only to date when you're out at a party or at the bar or pub.
You never know where or when you might meet a girl who would be open to a night out with you if you play your cards right.
The saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” reflects this fact.
If you want to find a girl to pick up, keep your eyes open everywhere you go: at work, in cafes, on the street, pretty much anywhere public.
That being said, there are a couple of important things to keep in mind:
A supermarket pickup is a hard sell.
Most people don't go to the grocery store or the bank because they are hoping to find romance, which is why the conventional wisdom rightly suggests that bars, clubs, and parties are the best places to meet potential dates.
Do not expect a good response if you try picking up girls in places they have to go because life demands it.
Instead, consider open-air markets, cafes, and other places people go because they want to be out.
It is likely that girls in such places will be at least somewhat more receptive to meeting new people, since they are not on important business.
Unless you are hoping to become some sort of Don Juan (note: you will not succeed if this is your plan), perform a “ring test” before hitting on anyone.
Is the girl wearing a band or diamond-set ring on either ring finger (or both)? If so, she is likely married (left hand) or engaged to be married (right hand).
Respect that and leave her alone.
This varies widely from country to country, but generally speaking, there is a clear paradigm in the Western world (that is, Europe, Australia, and North America) that defines what men and women find attractive in the opposite sex.
It's actually very complicated, but at the most basic level, it works like this:
Women are primarily attracted to social power and influence; men are primarily attracted to fertility and health (which is why Western culture is obsessed with making women look youthful).
There is a whole universe of things that men can do to suggest social power and thus become more attractive.
Consider developing a strong sense of style or a clever sense of humor.
Physical wealth is a strong display of social power, which is why some guys maintain beautiful cars even though they're otherwise living in poverty.
Think about how you can accentuate your life to emphasize your own strengths.
The most basic and perhaps most useful way to show that you have social power is to be confident.
By demonstrating an ability to speak and act in a self-assured manner, you can show that you have nothing to fear from other men, which makes you seem relatively powerful.
This is why it is often said that confidence is everything in the dating world.
Become confident, and the rest of the pickup game boils down to details; fail to exhibit confidence, and you will always struggle to get dates. , It's important that you avoid being fake.
Women are very perceptive and will not take you seriously if you're disrespecting them by pretending to be someone or something you're not.
On the other hand, women aren't looking for a mess to clean up, either.
One of the greatest benefits of a long-term relationship is having the freedom to share your worries and fears with someone who loves you, but right now, you aren't in a long-term relationship
- you're washing laundry next to someone with a cute smile and a funny T-shirt.
Don't lose perspective.
The pickup is your chance to show off all there is to like about you, not an excuse to start unloading on a girl who was nice enough to listen. , Body language is more than just standing with a straight back and making eye contact: it's the whole package, everything you do to communicate that isn't the words coming out of your mouth.
Body language is the primary way that human beings communicate emotional states to each other, making it an all-important “language” to learn if you want to be at the top of your dating game.
The rules of thumb are as follows:
More eye contact is better than less eye contact.
Smile whenever you make eye contact.
Don't look away until you've smiled.
Don't stare.
Try to keep your eyes from glancing at a woman's body if you're talking to her.
Adopt an open stance: legs and arms uncrossed, shoulders back, head level.
This makes you appear confident, relaxed, and receptive.
Don't mumble.
Speak clearly and without hesitation.
Lean in slightly to the person you're interested in when you speak to her.
Bringing your head slightly forward is fine if you're seated. , For example, people tend to touch the parts of themselves they think are attractive when they are attracted to someone.
A girl who keeps touching her lips or chest with one hand as she talks to you might be interested; then again, she could just be itchy.
Take any cues you think you see with a grain of salt. , If a girl was attracted to you, wouldn't you want her to let you know now instead of three years from now? Girls feel the same way.
This is why slowly trying to win over a woman's heart by ingratiating yourself to her never seems to work: women want a man who will come right out and say how he feels.
If he really is interested enough to want a date, he should be willing to risk rejection for the sake of the chance.
Even women who are very attracted to you won't wait around for you to ask them out forever.
They'll either decide that you aren't attracted to them and give up, or that you aren't attractive because you were never brave enough to ask for a date.
When you feel attracted to a girl, if you don't ask her out the same day you realize you want to date her, assume you have around a month at most to make your intentions known.
Don't wait for a perfect moment.
About the Author
Dennis Kennedy
Creates helpful guides on DIY projects to inspire and educate readers.
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