How to Relate

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Set aside one on one time.

   If you have trouble relating to someone close to you, these steps will help you understand him better.
   
   The first step is to spend time alone together, to make it easier for you to focus on that person.
   
   This is especially true if the friend is feeling introverted or shy, or if he is not comfortable discussing serious or personal topics in front of a group.
2. 2

   Step 2: Use active listening.

   Give the other person time to talk about their problems, their feelings, or anything else that is weighing on them.
   
   Make a concerted effort to avoid distractions and pay attention.
   
   This is called active listening, and can take practice to develop.
   
   Turn off your phone, face the person you are listening to, and occasionally nod or say yes to show that you are listening.Practice focusing on what she is saying, and not on how you react to her words or how you plan to respond.
   
   Your friend may not be ready to talk about personal topics at the same time you are ready to focus on them.
   
   Let your friend have a more casual conversation if that's what she wants, but still practice these listening and relating techniques. , Establish a connection and show that you are listening by referring to the point he just made.A question is an excellent way to do this while involving the other person and clarifying anything you're unclear on.
   
   Try these examples, changing the content of the question to fit the topic: "When you said you were stressed in your job, is that because of the workload, or some other reason?" "If I understood you right, you're worried your father will be upset about you moving out of town?"
   
   While listening, watch the person's facial expressions, gestures, and other movements.
   
   If he crosses his arms, moves further away, or makes repeated nervous gestures such as adjusting his hair, he may be uncomfortable.
   
   Consider suggesting a more casual topic of conversation.
   
   Learn more about reading body language. , Resist the urge to respond with the first reply that comes to mind.
   
   Instead, take a moment to imagine how that person feels.
   
   Even if you think her interpretation of the situation is wrong, pretend you are in her position and have the same idea of what's going on.
   
   Could you see yourself responding in a similar way, or at least feeling the temptation to respond in that way? For example, your friend accuses you of intentionally excluding her from a party, when in fact you tried to invite her and failed to reach her.
   
   Instead of defending yourself immediately or getting offended, try to think about how you would like to be treated if you genuinely thought your friends were avoiding you.
   
   Letting her know that she is still your friend by inviting her to another event may be more effective than arguing over the details of the last one. , Relating isn't about winning a fight, or even communicating every opinion you have.
   
   Stay honest, but don't automatically vocalize every argument or negative reaction you have.
   
   Respect your friend by allowing him to hold a different opinion than yours.
   
   As a rule of thumb, disagreements that lead to harm or negative emotions should be discussed openly.
   
   Disagreements that do not actively affect your relationship can be left alone.
   
   For example, differences in political views rarely affect regular interactions between friends, as long as they refrain from arguing over them. , Approach disagreements or conflicts with a critical eye before you rush to find a solution.
   
   Is this problem something that will drive the relationship apart, or is it a "pet peeve" that you can learn to ignore or work around? Part of relating to someone involves allowing her to take some actions you disagree with, understanding that it works for her.
   
   Often, the two of you can agree not to be around each other during certain actions or events.
   
   For example, watch a television show privately if the other person finds it offensive, or give her time alone to see her friend that you don't get along with.
   
   Sometimes, even apparently serious problems can be worked out with a respectful compromise.
   
   For example, you may respectfully attend each other's different religious ceremonies for important holidays or events, but agree not to attend each other's weekly religious service. , Forgiveness is more easily said than done, but if there is "bad blood" between you and your friend, it is worth taking the time to work through it, either with him or by yourself.
   
   You do not necessarily need to understand the motivation behind your friend's actions, but if you wish to relate to your friend in future, you will need to move past resentment.Note that if the other person is not ready to admit fault, he may be angry when you tell them you forgive him.
   
   Keep the forgiveness to yourself if you think this may be the case. , Create a closer bond by recognizing when the other person does something for you.
   
   Thank that person for compliments, assistance, and kind acts.
   
   The positive emotional connection may make it easier for you to understand your friend in future, or at least stop you from jumping to negative conclusions about her actions.
3. 3

   Step 3: Ask questions by referring to what the other person said.

4. 4

   Step 4: Pay attention to body language.

5. 5

   Step 5: Pause to think about the other person's point of view.

6. 6

   Step 6: Don't voice every disagreement you have.

7. 7

   Step 7: Focus only on important problems.

8. 8

   Step 8: Forgive the other person's actions if necessary.

9. 9

   Step 9: Express gratitude.

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