How to See Yourself As Others See You
Ask a friend to engage in reflective listening., Engage in systematic reflection to analyze the consequences of your behavior., Take personality quizzes for a fun way to explore the self., Ask for candid feedback and take notes.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask a friend to engage in reflective listening.
Reflective listening is a technique that was first developed by Carl Rogers.
It involves communicating the speaker's underlying emotions or underlying intent.
The purpose of rephrasing or restating what the listener believes the speaker is trying to communicate is to provide opportunity for clarification.
This clarification is beneficial both to the listener and speaker.
Hearing our message repeated back to us allows us the opportunity to listen to ourselves and decide if we are happy with the message we are sharing with others.Your friends needn't be trained Rogerian therapists; you simply need to ask them to listen and paraphrase the message and identify underlying emotion, without judgement or their own opinion about the subject.
If your friend doesn't seem to be capturing your emotion, you just have lots of opportunity to clarify.
Keep talking until you are satisfied you have helped your friend understand.
You'll be surprised how much better you understand yourself by the end of the activity. -
Step 2: Engage in systematic reflection to analyze the consequences of your behavior.
Recount your behavior in a specific situation, then make note of the consequences or outcomes.
Making a list of behaviors and outcomes will help you to organize your thoughts.
Were the outcomes or consequences favorable? If not, identify behaviors that might have resulted in desired outcomes.This will help you become more self-aware of your behavioral patterns and also provide a framework for changing undesirable behavior. , You'll find an abundance of these activities online.
While they're rarely valid or reliable, they do help to direct your intention inward.
Doing this activity with a friend is fun and will also provide the opportunity for feedback about how others view you.
Taking quizzes with a friend allows you to test how well your self-perceptions match others' perceptions of you.
Ask your friend to answer the questions as they apply to you, while you take the quiz for yourself.
You can then compare answers and discuss instances where your answers don't match.
Reflection only requires an internal focus of attention, but some may find this difficult.
Quiet contemplation alone may actually improve self awareness and insight into others' perceptions of you.If you aren't in the habit of reflecting on your behavior, you may find doing so unproductive or uncomfortable.
Engaging in structured activity will help you to feel more at ease. , People often temper criticisms or sugarcoat feedback out of concern for the feelings of others, which is why it may be difficult to understand how others perceive you.
This means you need to give others the permission to share the truth without regard for your feelings.
You might try explaining to them you are on a journey of self-exploration you want brutal honesty.
Tell them this is part of your process of becoming more self-aware.
Taking notes will allow you to compare answers from various friends over time.
This will provide greater insight about your behavior and help you track changes.
If the person you've asked for feedback is still reluctant, guide his or her responses.
Ask him or her to identify your strengths.
Then, ask him or her to identify your weaknesses.
You can make this constructive by asking for ideas for ways to overcome your weakness.
This is best done with someone who knows you well and you trust not to use this as an opportunity just to be mean.
Prepare yourself to hear unpleasant things before you ask the question.
If you become defensive, the exercise will not be helpful.
If you feel yourself becoming defensive, remember this is an opportunity for growth. -
Step 3: Take personality quizzes for a fun way to explore the self.
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Step 4: Ask for candid feedback and take notes.
Detailed Guide
Reflective listening is a technique that was first developed by Carl Rogers.
It involves communicating the speaker's underlying emotions or underlying intent.
The purpose of rephrasing or restating what the listener believes the speaker is trying to communicate is to provide opportunity for clarification.
This clarification is beneficial both to the listener and speaker.
Hearing our message repeated back to us allows us the opportunity to listen to ourselves and decide if we are happy with the message we are sharing with others.Your friends needn't be trained Rogerian therapists; you simply need to ask them to listen and paraphrase the message and identify underlying emotion, without judgement or their own opinion about the subject.
If your friend doesn't seem to be capturing your emotion, you just have lots of opportunity to clarify.
Keep talking until you are satisfied you have helped your friend understand.
You'll be surprised how much better you understand yourself by the end of the activity.
Recount your behavior in a specific situation, then make note of the consequences or outcomes.
Making a list of behaviors and outcomes will help you to organize your thoughts.
Were the outcomes or consequences favorable? If not, identify behaviors that might have resulted in desired outcomes.This will help you become more self-aware of your behavioral patterns and also provide a framework for changing undesirable behavior. , You'll find an abundance of these activities online.
While they're rarely valid or reliable, they do help to direct your intention inward.
Doing this activity with a friend is fun and will also provide the opportunity for feedback about how others view you.
Taking quizzes with a friend allows you to test how well your self-perceptions match others' perceptions of you.
Ask your friend to answer the questions as they apply to you, while you take the quiz for yourself.
You can then compare answers and discuss instances where your answers don't match.
Reflection only requires an internal focus of attention, but some may find this difficult.
Quiet contemplation alone may actually improve self awareness and insight into others' perceptions of you.If you aren't in the habit of reflecting on your behavior, you may find doing so unproductive or uncomfortable.
Engaging in structured activity will help you to feel more at ease. , People often temper criticisms or sugarcoat feedback out of concern for the feelings of others, which is why it may be difficult to understand how others perceive you.
This means you need to give others the permission to share the truth without regard for your feelings.
You might try explaining to them you are on a journey of self-exploration you want brutal honesty.
Tell them this is part of your process of becoming more self-aware.
Taking notes will allow you to compare answers from various friends over time.
This will provide greater insight about your behavior and help you track changes.
If the person you've asked for feedback is still reluctant, guide his or her responses.
Ask him or her to identify your strengths.
Then, ask him or her to identify your weaknesses.
You can make this constructive by asking for ideas for ways to overcome your weakness.
This is best done with someone who knows you well and you trust not to use this as an opportunity just to be mean.
Prepare yourself to hear unpleasant things before you ask the question.
If you become defensive, the exercise will not be helpful.
If you feel yourself becoming defensive, remember this is an opportunity for growth.
About the Author
Cynthia Freeman
Committed to making organization accessible and understandable for everyone.
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