How to Stop Being a Doormat
Evaluate if you are being respected., Focus on your needs., Learn to say "no" without feeling guilty., Be kind but direct.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Evaluate if you are being respected.
Do you feel disrespected or used by someone? Maybe they have been asking you for many favors without giving back in return? Understand that you deserve respect of your time, money, and efforts.
Be realistic that one person can only do so much.
Figure out if the person who's using you is proving mutual respect and kindness in return.
If the situation feels one-sided, in which you're doing all the work, then understand that kind and respectful people wouldn't do that to you.
For example, let's say a friend of yours always asks to borrow your stuff, and they never return it.
Maybe they just come up with excuses, time and time again, when you ask for your stuff back.
Some people are opportunists and will manipulate a situation to their advantage. -
Step 2: Focus on your needs.
Set your expectations for yourself higher.
Believe that your needs are equal to anyone else's.
You may feel like you want to please other people, but if your actions are consuming all your time, money, and resources then it's only hurting you.
You deserve to have your needs met.
You deserve to be loved, cared for, and appreciated.
Explain to others that you have certain limits in your time, money, and resources.
Be strong that those who respect you won't try to guilt-trip you.
For example, tell someone, "I'm sorry but you asked to borrow my phone multiple times, and I'd rather not give it this time.
Please respect that."
Good people won't make you feel guilty about saying "no" on occasion.
If you provide a clear reason, then they are more likely to understand and back off from bothering you further.For example, let's say one of your siblings wants to go to a concert this weekend, but has a bunch of chores to do before that.
Your sibling asks you to help out.
Consider responding, "No, sorry I can't help out." Even if they say you've got time or aren't as busy, tell them, "Sorry, I'd like to be able to relax too, and I completed my chores." Say "no" when it's clear that someone else is trying to get out of doing something they don't want to do.
While it's important to be helpful to those who genuinely need help, avoid being sucked into activities, work, or chores that you dislike. , In speaking up for yourself, it's important to be clear, concise, and friendly.
Understand that you don't have to do everything someone asks in order to be their friend.
Be clear and concise about what you can and can't do for someone.Be kind in the way that you decline to help.
Be calm and friendly.
It's important to be nice without having to agree to whatever they say.
Consider offering alternatives for them to consider.
They may have not thought of other ways to get what they need.
Be clear that you have limits to what you can and want to do.
For example, let's say you and your friends are planning a party, and every time they assign you to bring refreshments.
Consider saying, "I did that last time, and the time before that.
I'd like to bring some desserts instead." -
Step 3: Learn to say "no" without feeling guilty.
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Step 4: Be kind but direct.
Detailed Guide
Do you feel disrespected or used by someone? Maybe they have been asking you for many favors without giving back in return? Understand that you deserve respect of your time, money, and efforts.
Be realistic that one person can only do so much.
Figure out if the person who's using you is proving mutual respect and kindness in return.
If the situation feels one-sided, in which you're doing all the work, then understand that kind and respectful people wouldn't do that to you.
For example, let's say a friend of yours always asks to borrow your stuff, and they never return it.
Maybe they just come up with excuses, time and time again, when you ask for your stuff back.
Some people are opportunists and will manipulate a situation to their advantage.
Set your expectations for yourself higher.
Believe that your needs are equal to anyone else's.
You may feel like you want to please other people, but if your actions are consuming all your time, money, and resources then it's only hurting you.
You deserve to have your needs met.
You deserve to be loved, cared for, and appreciated.
Explain to others that you have certain limits in your time, money, and resources.
Be strong that those who respect you won't try to guilt-trip you.
For example, tell someone, "I'm sorry but you asked to borrow my phone multiple times, and I'd rather not give it this time.
Please respect that."
Good people won't make you feel guilty about saying "no" on occasion.
If you provide a clear reason, then they are more likely to understand and back off from bothering you further.For example, let's say one of your siblings wants to go to a concert this weekend, but has a bunch of chores to do before that.
Your sibling asks you to help out.
Consider responding, "No, sorry I can't help out." Even if they say you've got time or aren't as busy, tell them, "Sorry, I'd like to be able to relax too, and I completed my chores." Say "no" when it's clear that someone else is trying to get out of doing something they don't want to do.
While it's important to be helpful to those who genuinely need help, avoid being sucked into activities, work, or chores that you dislike. , In speaking up for yourself, it's important to be clear, concise, and friendly.
Understand that you don't have to do everything someone asks in order to be their friend.
Be clear and concise about what you can and can't do for someone.Be kind in the way that you decline to help.
Be calm and friendly.
It's important to be nice without having to agree to whatever they say.
Consider offering alternatives for them to consider.
They may have not thought of other ways to get what they need.
Be clear that you have limits to what you can and want to do.
For example, let's say you and your friends are planning a party, and every time they assign you to bring refreshments.
Consider saying, "I did that last time, and the time before that.
I'd like to bring some desserts instead."
About the Author
Robert Morris
Committed to making organization accessible and understandable for everyone.
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