How to Stop Being a Loser
Value yourself., Devote time to your hobbies and interests., Stay physically active., Work hard at your job or school., Be responsibly social., Plan for your future., Surround yourself with good people., Don't listen to the haters.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Value yourself.
If there's only one thing you do to improve yourself, make it this.
When people genuinely value and respect themselves, it's obvious to everyone around them.
These people may not all be bubbly and effervescent, but they all exude a sense of self-worth and confidence that makes it obvious that they don't consider themselves losers.
Start by thinking of all of the good, valuable things about yourself — things you're good at, ways you enjoy yourself, and so on.
Knowing that you have your own unique strengths and talents makes it so much easier to love yourself and so much harder to pay any attention to people who may try to put you down.
If you're feeling down and you're having trouble finding value in yourself, try the following exercise.
Take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle.
At the top of one side, write "pros"
and at the top of the other, write "cons".
Begin to write your positive and negative attributes in the appropriate columns.
For each "con" you write, try to write two "pros".
When you've filled your "pros" column, stop and review what you've written down.
Your positive qualities should dwarf your negative ones. -
Step 2: Devote time to your hobbies and interests.
People who spend time doing what they love have an easier time loving themselves.
The fun and self-satisfaction you get from indulging your hobbies and interests is great for building confidence and increasing your sense of self-worth.
If you're not already doing so, try to spend a little time every day or week doing something positive and fun that you love.
If you can do your hobbies with other people, even better — your friends can take the entertainment level of your hobbies from "fun" to "let's do this again as soon as we can".
This advice is especially true if your work or school situation isn't ideal.
It can be tricky to find a new job that you love or get a new group of friends at school, but it's not very hard, for instance, to spend a little time practicing piano every evening if you love music.
Try to tend towards skill-based activities that you can improve at over time.
While watching TV and playing video games can be fun, they don't usually offer any serious potential for self-improvement. , Believe it or not, the way you treat your physical body can have a noticeable effect on the way you view yourself emotionally.
Exercise has been proven to cause the release of chemicals called endorphins in the brain which can help you feel positive and upbeat.
Frequently devoting a little time and energy to your fitness can help you feel more relaxed, confident, and energetic.
Additionally, exercise is known to help treat depression.These qualities all make exercise a great option for people looking to increase their overall mood.
To be perfectly clear, you don't need to have a body like a professional athlete to be happy.
Though everyone's fitness needs are different, the Centers for Disease Control recommend that adults should aim for about 1 1/4 hours
- 2 1/2 hours of cardio exercise per week (depending on its intensity) in addition to strength-training exercise on two or more days each week., It's easiest to feel good about yourself if you're excelling at your personal and professional goals.
Unless you're one of the fortunate few who can afford to live a life of leisure and luxury, odds are that you have some sort of professional obligations — for most people, this means work or school.
Apply yourself when you tackle these responsibilities.
Not only can this help you gain a better self image, but it can also lead to promotions, good grades, and so on, which in turn will increase your sense of self-worth.
You don't have to kill yourself with effort to feel satisfied with yourself (for instance, don't miss the birth of your first child to squeeze in a few more hours at the desk), but you should make a habit of working hard and doing a great job at whatever you do.
If you've recently lost your job, don't be ashamed — instead, work hard to find another, better one.
Don't forget the old cliché: "Finding a job is a job." Beware of people who encourage you to neglect your work or school in favor of short term fun.
While a little recreational activity is always a great idea, someone who consistently abandons his responsibilities for cheap thrills is the very definition of a loser. , People are social animals — we're meant to spend time with one another.
In fact, social withdrawal is generally seen as one of the most common signs of depression.If you've been feeling down on yourself lately, reaching out to friends or family members you haven't seen in a while can be a great way to get negative thoughts back on track.
Spending just a single afternoon having a great time with people you're close to can completely re-orient your outlook on life.
While it's almost always a great idea to spend time hanging out with friends, try not to dwell exclusively on negative thoughts and emotions when you're with them.
Good friends should be more than happy to talk with you about any serious problems you have, but making a habit of "dumping" your emotional issues on your friends can be very fatiguing for them.
Instead, try talking to family members, role models you trust, like teachers, bosses, or religious figures who know you, or professional counselors. , People who have their long-term responsibilities in order have an easier time enjoying themselves in the short term because they don't have to worry as much about the problems that tomorrow might bring.
If you're working, don't put off saving for retirement — you'll never regret starting to save money at an early age, even if you can only afford to put away a little at first (for more information, see How to Save Money).
If you're in school, spend a little time thinking about your plans for continuing education or employment.
Ask yourself, "Will I proceed to the next level of education when I'm done with school, or will I start looking for a job?" If you know the answer to either of these two questions, start looking for jobs or schools you might like.
It's never to early to start planning for your future.
Plus, you can always change your plans if you start to feel differently. , The people we hang out with can shape us.
They can change our priorities, introduce us to people and things we wouldn't otherwise have encountered, and generally make our lives richer.
However, if we spend a lot of time hanging out with people who have no goals, no hobbies, and negative attitudes about life, it's easy to get a distorted view of what's important.
If you have a sneaking suspicion that you're spending your personal time, don't be afraid to limit the amount of time you spend with these people until you get your own life in order.
You may find that once you've sorted things out for yourself, you suddenly are less interested in spending time with these people anyway.
If you're unsure, look for these un-helpful attitudes in the people you're spending your time with:
Negative self-images (e.g. comments like, "Why can't I do anything right?") Negative views of you (e.g. comments like, "Ugh, you again.") A lack of personal hobbies or interests Hobbies and interests solely related to drug use, "slacker" activities, etc.
An inactive lifestyle (e.g. lots of time spent on couch, watching TV, etc.) A lack of goals or personal direction , Life's too short to worry about what petty people think of you.
If someone's making you feel bad about yourself with the things he or she is saying, you don't have to accept it.
Instead, let them know how their comments make you feel.
Saying something simple like, "Hey, knock it off.
Quit being a jerk!" is usually enough to let most people know that you don't appreciate their negativity.
If they won't change, stop hanging out with them! You shouldn't feel any obligation to spend time with people you hate (outside of required functions like weddings, birthday parties, and so on, of course).
While you won't want to give too much weight to the negative comments of others, you won't want to disregard the advice of other people entirely.
If someone you know and respect expresses their concern about you, listen.
It may be unwarranted, but it may be illuminating — the only way you'll know is to listen. -
Step 3: Stay physically active.
-
Step 4: Work hard at your job or school.
-
Step 5: Be responsibly social.
-
Step 6: Plan for your future.
-
Step 7: Surround yourself with good people.
-
Step 8: Don't listen to the haters.
Detailed Guide
If there's only one thing you do to improve yourself, make it this.
When people genuinely value and respect themselves, it's obvious to everyone around them.
These people may not all be bubbly and effervescent, but they all exude a sense of self-worth and confidence that makes it obvious that they don't consider themselves losers.
Start by thinking of all of the good, valuable things about yourself — things you're good at, ways you enjoy yourself, and so on.
Knowing that you have your own unique strengths and talents makes it so much easier to love yourself and so much harder to pay any attention to people who may try to put you down.
If you're feeling down and you're having trouble finding value in yourself, try the following exercise.
Take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle.
At the top of one side, write "pros"
and at the top of the other, write "cons".
Begin to write your positive and negative attributes in the appropriate columns.
For each "con" you write, try to write two "pros".
When you've filled your "pros" column, stop and review what you've written down.
Your positive qualities should dwarf your negative ones.
People who spend time doing what they love have an easier time loving themselves.
The fun and self-satisfaction you get from indulging your hobbies and interests is great for building confidence and increasing your sense of self-worth.
If you're not already doing so, try to spend a little time every day or week doing something positive and fun that you love.
If you can do your hobbies with other people, even better — your friends can take the entertainment level of your hobbies from "fun" to "let's do this again as soon as we can".
This advice is especially true if your work or school situation isn't ideal.
It can be tricky to find a new job that you love or get a new group of friends at school, but it's not very hard, for instance, to spend a little time practicing piano every evening if you love music.
Try to tend towards skill-based activities that you can improve at over time.
While watching TV and playing video games can be fun, they don't usually offer any serious potential for self-improvement. , Believe it or not, the way you treat your physical body can have a noticeable effect on the way you view yourself emotionally.
Exercise has been proven to cause the release of chemicals called endorphins in the brain which can help you feel positive and upbeat.
Frequently devoting a little time and energy to your fitness can help you feel more relaxed, confident, and energetic.
Additionally, exercise is known to help treat depression.These qualities all make exercise a great option for people looking to increase their overall mood.
To be perfectly clear, you don't need to have a body like a professional athlete to be happy.
Though everyone's fitness needs are different, the Centers for Disease Control recommend that adults should aim for about 1 1/4 hours
- 2 1/2 hours of cardio exercise per week (depending on its intensity) in addition to strength-training exercise on two or more days each week., It's easiest to feel good about yourself if you're excelling at your personal and professional goals.
Unless you're one of the fortunate few who can afford to live a life of leisure and luxury, odds are that you have some sort of professional obligations — for most people, this means work or school.
Apply yourself when you tackle these responsibilities.
Not only can this help you gain a better self image, but it can also lead to promotions, good grades, and so on, which in turn will increase your sense of self-worth.
You don't have to kill yourself with effort to feel satisfied with yourself (for instance, don't miss the birth of your first child to squeeze in a few more hours at the desk), but you should make a habit of working hard and doing a great job at whatever you do.
If you've recently lost your job, don't be ashamed — instead, work hard to find another, better one.
Don't forget the old cliché: "Finding a job is a job." Beware of people who encourage you to neglect your work or school in favor of short term fun.
While a little recreational activity is always a great idea, someone who consistently abandons his responsibilities for cheap thrills is the very definition of a loser. , People are social animals — we're meant to spend time with one another.
In fact, social withdrawal is generally seen as one of the most common signs of depression.If you've been feeling down on yourself lately, reaching out to friends or family members you haven't seen in a while can be a great way to get negative thoughts back on track.
Spending just a single afternoon having a great time with people you're close to can completely re-orient your outlook on life.
While it's almost always a great idea to spend time hanging out with friends, try not to dwell exclusively on negative thoughts and emotions when you're with them.
Good friends should be more than happy to talk with you about any serious problems you have, but making a habit of "dumping" your emotional issues on your friends can be very fatiguing for them.
Instead, try talking to family members, role models you trust, like teachers, bosses, or religious figures who know you, or professional counselors. , People who have their long-term responsibilities in order have an easier time enjoying themselves in the short term because they don't have to worry as much about the problems that tomorrow might bring.
If you're working, don't put off saving for retirement — you'll never regret starting to save money at an early age, even if you can only afford to put away a little at first (for more information, see How to Save Money).
If you're in school, spend a little time thinking about your plans for continuing education or employment.
Ask yourself, "Will I proceed to the next level of education when I'm done with school, or will I start looking for a job?" If you know the answer to either of these two questions, start looking for jobs or schools you might like.
It's never to early to start planning for your future.
Plus, you can always change your plans if you start to feel differently. , The people we hang out with can shape us.
They can change our priorities, introduce us to people and things we wouldn't otherwise have encountered, and generally make our lives richer.
However, if we spend a lot of time hanging out with people who have no goals, no hobbies, and negative attitudes about life, it's easy to get a distorted view of what's important.
If you have a sneaking suspicion that you're spending your personal time, don't be afraid to limit the amount of time you spend with these people until you get your own life in order.
You may find that once you've sorted things out for yourself, you suddenly are less interested in spending time with these people anyway.
If you're unsure, look for these un-helpful attitudes in the people you're spending your time with:
Negative self-images (e.g. comments like, "Why can't I do anything right?") Negative views of you (e.g. comments like, "Ugh, you again.") A lack of personal hobbies or interests Hobbies and interests solely related to drug use, "slacker" activities, etc.
An inactive lifestyle (e.g. lots of time spent on couch, watching TV, etc.) A lack of goals or personal direction , Life's too short to worry about what petty people think of you.
If someone's making you feel bad about yourself with the things he or she is saying, you don't have to accept it.
Instead, let them know how their comments make you feel.
Saying something simple like, "Hey, knock it off.
Quit being a jerk!" is usually enough to let most people know that you don't appreciate their negativity.
If they won't change, stop hanging out with them! You shouldn't feel any obligation to spend time with people you hate (outside of required functions like weddings, birthday parties, and so on, of course).
While you won't want to give too much weight to the negative comments of others, you won't want to disregard the advice of other people entirely.
If someone you know and respect expresses their concern about you, listen.
It may be unwarranted, but it may be illuminating — the only way you'll know is to listen.
About the Author
Amanda Flores
Committed to making creative arts accessible and understandable for everyone.
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