How to Stop Dumping Good Partners
First, identify your personal problems., Ask yourself questions about your behavior in relationships., Determine your fears and try to face them., Realize that humans are designed to be sociable., Recognize harmful patterns in your behavior...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: identify your personal problems.
Think about your past relationships and how and why they have ended.
Consider them each and try to find a pattern in your behavior.
It can be extremely helpful to keep a journal, tracking your feelings as relationships unfold, or to start a journal now to reflect on the past. -
Step 2: Ask yourself questions about your behavior in relationships.
Do you date people who are distant or indifferent, or do you date people who care about you? What are your feelings before, during, and after relationships breakup? Do you love the people who are good to you, or are you leaving them because you have no feelings for them? Do you feel "less than" everyone around you? , Most people are terribly afraid of vulnerability.
To let someone near enough to see your faults, flaws, and failures is a terrifying idea.
But you can't protect yourself from rejection or dismissal without also protecting yourself from love and being cherished. , We are made to build connections with one another and to exchange energy.
You can't spend all your time giving to your partner without ever letting them give you love, too.
And you can't spend all your time giving love to a partner that is indifferent and distant.
And you can't shrink yourself to minimize the effect of your existence. , Do you find that you make yourself as small as possible in relationships in order to try to maintain a balance? This could show itself in many ways.
For example, starving yourself, slouching, speaking less and less, losing your own sense of will and ambition to cater to the other person's will instead.
Self-harm and suicidal thoughts can also be a sign that you are trying to lose yourself to make space for others. , Have you always been certain that your parents, extended family and friends truly loved you, even when you make mistakes or behave in an "unusual" way, or were you met with constant criticism every step of the way, and made to believe that you were never enough? , Being loved unconditionally today will not fix the memories from your childhood of being unwanted or mistreated.
Until you can fully deal with the past, and the fears and worries that you've accumulated from it, you will not be able to let anyone love you.
You might even seek out relationships where there is no love. , There are so many lies we're told in our lives that we let ourselves believe without questioning them.
And there are so many lies we tell ourselves, too.
Maybe you've always believed that you are not enough, or not worth loving.
Maybe you think your flaws are too big for anyone to overcome, or that even though you recognize your worth, nobody else will. , Eventually you will be able to recognize lies and challenge them immediately, but for now, deal with the past and rebuild your understanding of the world. , Avoid feeling guilty for being cared for and cherished.
Put yourself in the position of the people who love you: if your friend needed something from you (care, advice, love, anything) you would give it to them without thinking twice.
Try to afford yourself the same generosity. , Perhaps there is a potential love interest or a close friend whose behavior is unpredictable- one week they love you, the next they are too cool for you.
You do not need people like this in your life.
You deserve people who cherish you, accept you, appreciate you, and leave space for you to grow. , There are good relationships, and you need to practice accepting the love that you are freely given.
This takes time. , It is not a favor to be treated like a human being.
You deserve to be treated fairly. , Some days will be better than others, but if you can learn to see every day as another opportunity to open yourself up more to the people who love you, mistakes and bad days won't feel as bad.
You are always learning and there is so much room to grow. -
Step 3: Determine your fears and try to face them.
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Step 4: Realize that humans are designed to be sociable.
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Step 5: Recognize harmful patterns in your behavior.
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Step 6: Reflect on your childhood.
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Step 7: Find peace with the past so that you can set yourself free.
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Step 8: Do some soul-searching to discover any lies you've internalized over the years.
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Step 9: Make a list of these thoughts and challenge them.
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Step 10: Recognize that despite everything
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Step 11: you are worthy of being loved.
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Step 12: Leave bad relationships.
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Step 13: Train yourself to accept the love you're given.
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Step 14: Begin to get rid of the apologetic reflex that you may have developed.
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Step 15: Practice
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Step 16: practice
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Step 17: practice!
Detailed Guide
Think about your past relationships and how and why they have ended.
Consider them each and try to find a pattern in your behavior.
It can be extremely helpful to keep a journal, tracking your feelings as relationships unfold, or to start a journal now to reflect on the past.
Do you date people who are distant or indifferent, or do you date people who care about you? What are your feelings before, during, and after relationships breakup? Do you love the people who are good to you, or are you leaving them because you have no feelings for them? Do you feel "less than" everyone around you? , Most people are terribly afraid of vulnerability.
To let someone near enough to see your faults, flaws, and failures is a terrifying idea.
But you can't protect yourself from rejection or dismissal without also protecting yourself from love and being cherished. , We are made to build connections with one another and to exchange energy.
You can't spend all your time giving to your partner without ever letting them give you love, too.
And you can't spend all your time giving love to a partner that is indifferent and distant.
And you can't shrink yourself to minimize the effect of your existence. , Do you find that you make yourself as small as possible in relationships in order to try to maintain a balance? This could show itself in many ways.
For example, starving yourself, slouching, speaking less and less, losing your own sense of will and ambition to cater to the other person's will instead.
Self-harm and suicidal thoughts can also be a sign that you are trying to lose yourself to make space for others. , Have you always been certain that your parents, extended family and friends truly loved you, even when you make mistakes or behave in an "unusual" way, or were you met with constant criticism every step of the way, and made to believe that you were never enough? , Being loved unconditionally today will not fix the memories from your childhood of being unwanted or mistreated.
Until you can fully deal with the past, and the fears and worries that you've accumulated from it, you will not be able to let anyone love you.
You might even seek out relationships where there is no love. , There are so many lies we're told in our lives that we let ourselves believe without questioning them.
And there are so many lies we tell ourselves, too.
Maybe you've always believed that you are not enough, or not worth loving.
Maybe you think your flaws are too big for anyone to overcome, or that even though you recognize your worth, nobody else will. , Eventually you will be able to recognize lies and challenge them immediately, but for now, deal with the past and rebuild your understanding of the world. , Avoid feeling guilty for being cared for and cherished.
Put yourself in the position of the people who love you: if your friend needed something from you (care, advice, love, anything) you would give it to them without thinking twice.
Try to afford yourself the same generosity. , Perhaps there is a potential love interest or a close friend whose behavior is unpredictable- one week they love you, the next they are too cool for you.
You do not need people like this in your life.
You deserve people who cherish you, accept you, appreciate you, and leave space for you to grow. , There are good relationships, and you need to practice accepting the love that you are freely given.
This takes time. , It is not a favor to be treated like a human being.
You deserve to be treated fairly. , Some days will be better than others, but if you can learn to see every day as another opportunity to open yourself up more to the people who love you, mistakes and bad days won't feel as bad.
You are always learning and there is so much room to grow.
About the Author
Charles Hernandez
Brings years of experience writing about home improvement and related subjects.
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